Love Story of a Pessimist

I've always hated this world

I hate waking up in the morning

I hate walking

I hate talking

I hate faking smiles

I hate using my facade

I hate having friends

I hate noisy places and people

I hate the sun

I hate introductions

I hate those who use others

I hate lies

I hate work

I hate being used

I hate being judged

I hate being told what to do

I hate fake people

I hate love

I hate getting rejected

I hate trying hard

I hate bright places

I hate colourful places

I hate cleaning

I hate laundry

I hate relying on others

I hate cheerful songs

I hate PDA

I hate caring for others

I hate social media

I hate going online

But most of all

I hate myself

But there’s something

I can’t seem to hate

You

I tried to get you out of my head

But every time I see you

The more you get glued inside my brain

The more your face gets clearer inside my head

The more I can’t forget you

The more memories I remember

The more I want to be like you

The more I like my days

The more I wanted to stay

The more I admire you

The more I like you

Believe me I tried

I didn’t go to school

I never talked to you

I avoided you

But instead

I wanted to see you more

I wanted to talk to you

I wanted to be with you

Because of that

I started to change

Most of the things I hate

I started to like

Most of the things I like

I started to hate

Most of the things I don’t want to do

I wanted to do

Most of the things I want to do

I didn’t do anymore

Most of it

Is because of you

The things I hated

Somehow I wanted like

I wanted to like this world

I wanted to wake up in the morning

I wanted to walk

I wanted to talk

I wanted to have friends

I wanted to work

I wanted to love

I wanted to try hard

I wanted to like cleaning

I wanted to rely on others

I wanted to like cheerful songs

I wanted to care for others

I wanted to like social media

I wanted to like going online

I wanted to like myself

I wanted to change

So that maybe some day

You’ll look my way

You’ll give me a chance

You’ll be with me

You’ll go to places with me

You'll be there for me

Or maybe just try to consider my feelings

I wanted to help you

I wanted you to stay

I wanted you to be with me

That may be a dream but I seriously wanted that

Even if it’s just in my dreams

Even if it's a lie

I wanted it to happen

But then the more I see you

The brighter you become

The more I talk to you

The more I don’t understand

The more I listen to you

The more I realize that we're worlds apart

The more I'm with you

The more it became clear

That someone like me

A rather dull

Clumsy

Gloomy

Selfish

Stupid

Careless

Guy like me

Would never be with someone like you

Would never stand in the same ground as you

No matter how hard I try

What I wish for

Will never come true

I knew that from the start

What did I even hope for?

I guess I just want to believe

That somehow it’s not true

That somehow it will happen

That somehow it can change

In the end, I just hurt myself

I just disappointed myself

So I just went back

To the way I was before

And I hated myself even more