Unheard Cries

Ever since I won an award in high school, I’ve been encouraged a lot to write more. Even when I was in my early days in college where I stayed at a dormitory. I draft articles or stories there and my room mates suggested I should write a book or publish articles. My friend also who I invited here always tells me to.

But I was skeptical to do so, since I am afraid of rejection. Most especially from my older brother. I know he does not know about this site but in some ways find it hard to openly write stories. I draft short posts at noise.cash and that’s all there is to it. Writing long articles just keeps me away from here.

Inferiority complex, is that what they called it. I somehow developed that because of the comparison between us siblings. My brother is way more talented in everything more than I am. He even started first grade when he was still 5 years old. He was awarded a leadership award in high school, he was the corps commander in our basic Reserve Officer Training Corps in high school. He was the publication president and so on. Even in his college days, he took 2 courses which are Civil Engineering and Law, and he passed all of its board and bar examinations in one take.

Who am I to compare to that, right? I got this mindset to not compete because it’s just the way he is and I am me. I know it is not a healthy mindset, but it’s the only way I can get his favor, to be able to be the bad one for him to have the stage as only his. But I know better that it was just my way of coping. He really does not think like that.

When we were young I curiously read a page on his diary, that said our parents only favors me, so he gets jealous all the time. And I also befriended his boy friends. It’s like I am taking away something from him, but I felt the other way around, he is of great talent and that I am jealous of also.

I want to do good things for him to be proud of me, but the only moment I think I saw him happy is when I gave birth to my child. And seeing that I began to talk to him about how my child is doing. I thought he would not carry my child but he did! And I felt so happy that time! I am always thanking God for that moment.

I just hope in the coming future that I will overcome my fears of rejection from him and that I may easily talk to him without struggling and mumbling. And I can show him how far I made it in life with him as my stepping ground.

So I will end my sentiments here first, because I am getting emotional. Haha.

Thank you for reading!+_+