I felt bad that I could not participate in the previous week. Similarities are just too broad a topic for me to go about and me being the morbid creature that I am, can only think of death. I did not want to write such a thought despite how often I gruesomely finish off my story characters. I don’t know myself, but the idea is just not something I can make much sense of.
But darkness though… I do think I’ve written so much of my inner darkness here already and a few older members may have already known of the facts. However, this prompt is one I can relate to the most. This void has been dwelling inside me for so long now and at this point, I often question myself if I’ll ever really get out of it. This darkness is like this small creature always perched on my shoulder, whispering the cruelest things to me. On most days, I can find enough distractions to ignore it. On some days, its whispers become deafening screams and I honestly want nothing more than to destroy my brain. At nights, when I can’t find anything to distract myself with, it gets off my shoulder for a moment but it doesn’t give me relief. No. Instead, it blends into the existing darkness, it multiplies and it just becomes a terrifying beast altogether.
This cycle began around my high school years, really. When there were major family issues that just ruined so many things for me. The number of responsibilities on my shoulders doubled as the years went by. It was no joke being the stand-in mother and a student for so long. And it seems my introverted nature only makes things worse for me. Even until now, it still tolls on me every now and then but it’s not as bad as it used to be. I’m not as suicidal as I used to be (I don’t need to take medications as I used to). And I count it as an improvement. I do think these days, this small creature shrinks in size when I think of all the opportunities that can be made available because of all the distractions I tried so hard to perfect.
Yet despite my relationship with darkness, I still have the galls to call it a friend. I am a strange one, aren’t I? I just can’t deny the fact that darkness seems so comfortable at times. And at times, it just gives my creations the souls they deserve. This darkness that’s so evident in my art and writing seems to be both a blessing and a curse to me in a sense that although I have days that I suffer, I can turn those whispers and screams into a piece worthy of display and showcase. Fear of falling back into the void could also be why I keep myself busy as much as I can. I don’t want to be left in my mind. I don’t want to hear the whispers in my head. I just want to escape the chaos and anything will do at this point.
I’m just happy I learned to value gratitude while in my old therapy sessions. They helped ignite some sparks of light into my void. But I do know that those sparks won’t last for so long. I suppose the only few things that would maintain those sparks from completely flickering out now would be the never-ending requests from my sisters and the new sparks of light that come from the new people I meet every day (although online
I hope you feel motivated to take up this challenge and follow the wiring prompt.
Here are the rules:
Write about motivation
Write 100% original content
Write at least 600 words
Tag me @JonicaBradley
Have fun
Good thing you are fighting it off and was able to look back and say hello friend, thank you that you made me who I am today. The stronger version which you didn't expect would come to exist.