Why April is my Worst Month?

April 25, 2022

Hello everyone, I hope the start of the week will be good for you. We are now on the last week of April and just next week we will start the month of May. Actually, April is never become my month. During April, of every year, April is the worst for me. The rest of the month will be okay. I was browsing my journal and I began to realized it is true to me. Let me share you some additional information.

Remember, I shared to you before in Read.cash that there were fire incident that happen in our place last year. It was three times incident of fire that gave us a big trauma. It happened in April last year. There were three incidents that gave me anxiety and separation anxiety with our home. I don't want to leave home and go to the office not because I am afraid of fire, but I am afraid that I am not there when it happen. That is why when I am off to work, I always rush home. I just want to be there when it happen so that I can save my family and pets. On the other hand, later last year, I already move on from that anxiety because the more I think about it, the more I anticipate it to happen, which is wrong. I don't want to absorb any negativity from what happened so I move on.

Still from my journal, I received a news about the death of a close friend way back 2018. We are both active in a specific group before where we support a newbie actor. She is younger than me by how many years that I don't remember but we jive. We clicked instantly the first time we saw each other. We shared lots of exchanging messages on Chats and I really enjoyed talking to her. I became her Unnie, or ate (older sister in English) but she call me BEBE and I call her that way too.

April of 2018, I found out through our group chat that someone posted on her timeline about her situation. After a while, a burial schedule were posted and a lighted candle became her profile picture. When I visited her profile, I saw her name there and I really don't know how to react. A burial schedule of her is posted on her FB page and it really make me feel crazy because I was torn into believing or denying it. Later on it was confirmed that she had a difficult in breathing and when she was rushed in the hospital, she was death on arrival. She has heart problem by the way and that connects to the cause of her death. It took me 3 days to finally accept it and I really locked myself in my room, crying. I failed to attend to her burial because it was in San Mateo Rizal.

Another feel bad story, sorry, was when I was going to college. I received a scholarship but it gave me lots of problem during the time I need to start it. I was about to be enrolled in this one university in Manila that my scholarship had a problem. It says that my documents are lost. Good thing I am always following up the status as I have a summer class that time for scholarship and I was active in finding out what happens to my scholarship as I was still looking for school to enroll with. Imagine I am attending class during the morning in Manila (I was at TIP attending summer class as pre-rriculum for scholarship) and I will go to Bicutan during lunch break and have to go back to class after it. Imagine the amount of transportation fee and the journey everyday just to make sure I will receive my scholarship before I enroll in this university. I was 16 back then, didn't know the whereabouts in the road. I will just ask someone to where I would go and I just get used to it. That is traumatizing.

I had lots of sad story and even the worst ones that happen during April but it could only cause you to feel sad about me. Anyway, I already moved on from those, I just happen to remember because today is the month of April. Having bad time, bad day and bad month and even bad years are part of our lives. There is always bad things but also good things. We just need to adjust to what is happening to us, pick a lesson from it and set it as a guide for future's decision. We just need to accept the reality of life.

To RR, my sponsors and readers, life will never be this happy without your support guys. It made me feel I am in the right place, in the right time. I am always grateful.

Images from Unsplash and lead image is mine