Stressful Thursday

January 28, 2022

I know today is Friday, but I want to share to you how stressful I was yesterday. For an hour, I was stress like I was a student before. I felt I was in school and about to face my classmate for a reporting.

We had a schedule first ever monthly meeting yesterday, January 27. It was advised Monday and I started to prepare my report. I did my draft as soon as I realize what is my manager meant about the report she wants to see. In her email, I was confused of what she meant about the question "What Went Wrong?". From what I grasp, I think she is asking what are the challenges we faced last year. What went wrong means, what seems to be the cause of the problem and what are our action in order to avoid that from happening again, which I doubt if it will not happen again.

While I was doing the draft last Monday, I have lots in mind about the problems that I face everyday doing my task at work. The ideas are dropping one by one and all I had to do what to type it. Then I just stop.

Tuesday, I forgot that report. I was busy doing my task at work. Wednesday, I check the report again but all I did was to read it and made a little revisions. On the day of reporting, our Manager said she will just listen to us and we will all do the talking.

As I said on my first sentence, I felt I came back to the days that I was just a student. Anxiety is not the word I describe what I was feeling before. I only know the word stress, but at my present life, today, I had anxiety as soon as I heard from my manager that we will all do the talking. What? I used to do the talking during the meeting, where you are face to face with your team and you are all seated, but that makes a big difference when you are speaking in front of the people who are all seated and focusing their eyes on you. That is what we did.

I am not first speaker. I am the second one which makes me more stress because I already know what will happen. I am unsure of my report and praying that I could do it. As I was talking, the sound ofy voice shake but I regain my composure when I can explain further what I want to say. I am still scared on the inside but I realize I needed to push it so that my manager will know how I do my work, how I solve my problems and do my action plan.

There are lots of questions but I managed to answer each of it because it is job related and I know by heart how I do my work. Whe I was done, I was relieved. For sure in the next month there will still some random reports like this yet now I know the feeling. I just need to be myself. When I get back to where I sitted, I saw my messenger and saw that my seatmate captured my moment while reporting in front and these are the pictures I shared with you in this article.

During the time that it is our time to listen to the speaker in front, my other team members, my picture spread in the gc being edited with BTS members. I can't hold on my laughter but I do it in silence. I giggled lots of times to the edited picture. I also made revenge and edit pictures of my team members too and we were all laughing with no sound. It was a good feeling that my stress are all gone and I am thankful for facing this kind of fear that I have been feeling eversince.

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