My First "Shout" for this Month

January 17, 2022

The night is deep and cold. There are lots of things I can see in the Internet. I saw a lot. I was distracted. I enjoyed it, just a normal day for me but something shifted my mood.

Before I indulge you with my topic for tonight, let me appreciate the non-quality picture of the moon for tonight. I saw this while I was heading home. I can't resists not to snap because it is the first full moon of this month. I like the idea that I have one picture of it.

When I went home earlier, I felt a sudden shift of mood but it is not a biggie one at first. I saw my sister occupying a space where I used to exercise. My plan is to atleast to have 30 minutes of exercise for tonight before I sleep. I was waiting for my sister to go to their bed, but she is busy with my nephew because he is eating. I waited for 20 minutes and then 15 minutes more but I think they don't have any plans of transferring to their bed.

I have no choice but to prepare my bed and lie instead. I guess exercise is a bad idea because of space problem. I slept, but I felt I only slept for 10 minutes because msot of the dogs started to bark. No one is stopping them so I stand up and stop them. As soon as I was lying in bed, they start to bark again. The reason, they are all hungry. I can't sleep anymore so I check my phone and started browsing TikTok. The dogs seems don't want to stop so I fixed my bag I instead.

As I was fixing it, I saw some photocards of my favorite BTS and I noticed that two photocards of Kim Taehyung is not there. I kept on checking my bag, and some stuff at my storage box, but it was not there. I already checked and cleaned my storage box at the office and I'm sure it was not there. I got irritated immediately. I also checked Suga's photocards and it is missing 2 pieces too. Oh my, the irritation became 79%.

While my mother was preparing foods for the dogs, the barking was so loud that for sure will get a complain from our neighborhood in no time. My mother kept on telling that they are not hungry and they just want to bark. From what I see the dogs are really hungry that they were shaking and panicking when they saw my mother preparing the food. I suddenly explode because of the noise plus what I really feel. I get a broom and let the dogs see it so they will stop barking but to my mistake the sounded of their barks were in full volume. I got angry and shouted at them. It was my first shout for this month.

I really don't like this kind of feeling. I hate being angry. I was not angry for a long time. I think I did get angry last year but compare to the past years, I able to managed it. Tonight,my patience is tested. I hate the idea that my mother is making fun of me when I shouted at the dogs. I can't contain my emotions because I have a sudden shift of mood because of a lot things that happened in one night and she laugh at me. The dog stops from barking after a long shout. If my mother able to stop the dog from barking for preparing their food earlier, it would not happen.

Yes, it tested my patience, but I can't blame it alone to myself. I can control my emotions but the attitude or reaction of my mother towards what I feel triggered my emotions. She has that kind of attitude and she will never accept that sometimes it is her fault.

I felt bad after. I can't breathe. I need to manage my anger because I was near of hurting the dogs and shouting back at my mother. I just stop myself and drink water. I really felt my mother is teasing me and I hate it. I just stop because it is only me that will be having a hard time.

Still, we need to solve our anger management issue. We don't know what we are capable of doing when we are angry. Do not let yourself to meet your limit, especially with your patience. Also, even your family, they can be the source of your triggered emotions. Once you identify it, make sure to find how you control and adjust from it because it can lead to bigger problem when you don't.

Anyways guys, it is too cold for tonight. Make sure to keep yourself warm. I am on my sweatshirt and still shaking.

My sponsor are above who have been with me from the start and I am happy that they are being patience in supporting me.

Images are mine and Unsplash.