August 15, 2022

Hi! As much as I want to greet you with good energy, I think I can't for today. I was doing a draft earlier when I get a notification on a social group, and it was a sad news. Someone I know died but I cannot share anything since I want to respect the family and my group there. Also, I am not close to the person, I just happen to know her. I owe something from her because as I check on my post on my other blogging sites, she helped one of my articles.

I can't believe it. I am scared, goosebumps, and I can't accept. I am scared, I'm sad. I have all the negativity inside me. I want to get rid of this. I want to stop this kind of feeling.

It makes me realize that life is just like that. You never know if your time is up. Even if you take care of yourself, there will still be something that will happen that is uncontrolled. Even if you take care of yourself, you still get sick. Even if you stay to be nice, there is still people who will hate you. All of the sad events and unfairness, they are all iny head. I'm really affected. I don't like this.

I try to change my mood, I went to TikTok, but someone posted that she happened to see Jimin Park (one of the member of BTS) at the Incheon airport. I feel down more. I feel sad for myself. That is the chances I wnat to happen to me, the luck she has, I want to feel it too. I am happy for her, but I am sad for myself.

I exit TikTok, because the next content shows a fan meeting with BTS. I am always jealous for the people who already saw them before ans wishing it could happen to me too. I hope everyone of the fans of BTS will able to see them in the future. I hope we all have chances.

Then I exited TikTok. I started crying. I was willing to get rid of what I am feeling. I watch our television and as soon as I was looking at the television, the scene went to a car accident. There are lots of casualties. The Kdrama that is being shown is About Time. It is a story of a woman who can able to see how many hours you are left on earth.

Isn't it just a destiny to see that while I am feeling down? Or there is really a sign why I saw that. Is there something I need to realize?

Then I read the blog of sweet Mayie, not sure if I grab her name right. She said that she got irritated. It changes my perspective immediately. What is only in my mind is that we are alive. What matters is that we are still here. I started to get scared for my life, for the life of my loved ones, my bff and even BTS members. You can laugh at me in this, its okay but I really prayed immediately for the life of all of us. I am not ready to go and I guess everyone else too.

Suddenly life is worth living and I just want to appreciate it. I'm still scared. Sorry for sharing this negative feeling with you. Actually I want to share it to let it go. I want to start a new, but it is crippling me inside. I hope changes tomorrow. I'm going to talk to God. I going to pray wholeheartedly. Please, I hope all have chances to live, be protected and be safe, for we are still making our dreams come true, for ourselves and our lovedones.

Virtual hug everyone!!

Images are from Unsplash