May 25, 2022

I was not able to come here yesterday because I decided to rest for a while. I was absent at Noise too, but I spread my blessing little by little later last night. What happened to me? As soon as I got home, I felt dizzy. I able to overcome at first because I am playing with my dog. She is so happy that I am already at home. I changed my clothes and rest in the sofa. I started to feel the dizziness as soon as my back was lying on the sofa. I stand quickly and went to my sister and told her what I feel.

My sister is a Licensed Physical therapist and she knows what she will do whenever I feel it. At first, I felt numbness on my hands and arms. I can still move them and I can feel little though. It is the feeling of you hold something upward for longer time that the blood flows down and there is no blood remains in your arms and hands. It is also the same feeling when I am too hungry that I cannot move my arms anymore. I am not shaking, I only feel that my arms and hands started to numb. I got an instinct that there is something wrong with me so I ran to my sister.

She massaged me at the back and gave me some stretches on my limbs. I thought I will get perspiration but I did not. I try to sit down a little and calm myself because I need to prepare food for my dog that was hungry that time, but I can't start it immediately due to what I felt. I prepared my bed instead and lie down for the meantime and allow my dog to wait until I am okay. I felt dizzy and sleepy so I went to take a nap, but then I woke up after a while because I need to prepare food for my dog.

Little by little the feeling of numbness on my arms subsided. I felt a slight pain on my chest but it only lasted for a second that is why I sit on my bed just to prepare myself for another pain I will feel, good thing it didn't come back. I prepared food for my dog and when she was through, I lay down again. I am okay but my mind is prepared for possible attack or pain that I will feel.

While anticipating it, I was enjoying myself to some Tiktok contents. Little by little I feel okay and then my feeling gets back to normal. It become my topic for today because I felt the same a little while ago. I am in the office now doing this draft and I felt that dizziness again. I have plans to do later. I have to exercise, to study Korean language and make some article but then now, I think I will postpone it again because of this kind of feeling. I don't like feeling of dizziness it is because it creates panic on me. I am going home alone and the journey could take 20 minutes before I reach home so passing out could happen in between and I am horrified only by thinking that scenario. I just hope this dizziness stops and I will just take a break later from all the stuff to get some rest and will get back to normal activities once I am okay.

Now I am thinking, instead of being happy getting old, I felt that I am starting to get sad because of this health issues. I should visit a doctor and ask what is happening to me. The problem is that I have anxiety. The thought of going to the doctor to have me check really creates for me to overthink. What if I have illness? What if I have illness just like my father as he started with dizziness and he found out he has diabetes. I don't like that. I just started to enjoy my everyday life and I am happy having this kind but then my health issues are ruining everything. I pray for it to stops.

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