Another Uncertain Day

By Gracee

April 2, 2022 / Saturday

"Another Uncertain Day as I am feeling missing and losing hope to find the happy place"

Today, as early as 1:30 in the morning, I am lying on my bed as I was not able to to go to work due to incomplete documents. I have decided to write this article to share why and to vent out my feeling.

Maybe you are thinking why I was not able to go work or what incomplete documents I am talking about, so let me tell you.

In the past few weeks, I often have a headache but I was always ignoring it and just thinking that maybe it was just because of the hot weather, especially in the afternoon. In those past few weeks, I requested a Vacation Leave (VL) to my supervisor. I requested it not because I wanted to rest but because of my mother's birthday on March 30th.

Unfortunately, due to my one bad survey from a customer my score dropped and failed. As a result, my requested vacation leave was declined. I felt sad because I often do my best to be a good agent. No lates, no absents, and I even follow all their rules to make my calls good and get good surveys. I feel bad too because I believe that Vacation Leaves is one of the employees privilege to enjoy yet it is hard to get unlike with my previous coach.

Throwback......

Way back March 29, 2022. I was so determined to be absent because I really wanted to be with my family on my mother's birthday. I went to a hospital for a consultation about my headache and asked the doctor to give me a few days to rest. I found out that I had a tension headache based on the doctor's findings. But what makes me happy on that day was I got 3 days rest to be with my family. I even got medical certificate and sent to mo coach. But what makes me feel bad was that, I did it not to completely understand why I often experience a headache but to use it as an alibi to be absent and to with my family on my mother's birthday.

Fast forward.....

Three days has passed. I went back to the city on March 31th without getting a Fit to Work from the doctor. I thought presenting my medical certificate to my company's clinic was enough because my condition was not so serious.

Last night, I prepared myself, went to work and guess what? The nurse did not allow me to proceed to the production floor because I do not have the complete documents. She was looking for the a document stating that I am physically fit to work. At the end, I went back to my boarding house and happily lied on my bed.

Why I happily lied on my bed?

First, I was too lazy to go to work and just wanted to have some rest.

Second, I do not want to be stressed again from the bosses.

Third, I just do not want to work now.

Do not get me wrong. I am always greatful and feel blessed thinking that I have a job with a competitive salary. The reason why I said this " Another uncertain day as I am feeling missing and losing hope to find the happy land" is because I am losing motivation to move forward everyday, especially at work. These past few months, weeks, and days, I felt so missing that I even do not know how to manage my stress at work. I often wish the days to pass so fast so that I can take my rest days. I even always thinking alibis to be absent yet I failed. Having this mindset is what I hate because it makes me feel drained and uncertain in many things.

Writing this at the moment makes me sigh because I do not really like this feeling yet I believe that I need to do something to help myself. So, I pray to Him to give me strength, enlighten me and show me the way to the happy place where I can feel genuine happiness.

Fighting self, I know you can do it. 🙂

-the end.