Everyday I Struggle but No One Noticed

Friend: Oh Hi Glez!

Me: Hello there you look great!

Friend: You look err fat?

Me: Hihi yeah.

This is the usual stuff I hear from other people. Well I cannot blame them I am doubled than my size before and since then it was so hard to be skinny again.

I tried but I had a lot of struggles because my job, my personal life and just everything about me is PURE PRESSURE!

I sleep less than normal people do because of the graveyard shift. I invested in having my own office but I cannot further invest getting my own room to rest during morning time. It is hard to also sleep during morning because other than the light my kids cannot just keep their mouth shut and of course I understand that is why I just simply smile rather than getting irritated.

S - T-R-E-S-S makes me like this!

I wanted so much to be fit. I am not for vanity but more likely of healthy living so I could have longer life for my kids. I do not want to look pretty because being beautiful always comes with a price. I do not want any other men to fantasize about me nor have someone who would compete for me. I do not want other woman feel jealous about me either.

I wanted to live just a simple life and low key individual.

I have wanted so much to workout but I do not know where to start.

Does anybody knows basic workout for people who works on a night shift?

How can I arrange that not to compromise my rest?

Should I do workout after shift?

I have read somewhere that says whatever we do never look for motivation because when we find nothing to motivate us or if the usual reason for us to keep going won't be enough we would slow down. Instead, we should always just condition ourselves to work hard and just work.

Whenever you have responsibilities like simply taking care of your kids even when you do not have motivation to get up early you have to because that is your responsibility.

So that's how I interpret it. Despite how tired you are you got to get up because you are a mom and a wife. Last time I checked I was around 69 kg. I tried and tried to lessen my carbs but everytime I do I also crave for more. Whenever I lack sleep I get energy from food.

I feel like each day my life on earth is been lessen and my goal to live longer becomes so impossible.

I heard people dying at an early age due to health issues and being with my job for quite a while is already one valuable but how can I quit?

...end thoughts...

I feel my soul and body are both tired. Both wants to just give up but I know I can't. I just can't.