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Am I not Good enough?

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Avatar for Glez
Written by Β Β 104
1 month ago

There are things that I would like to open up. This is more of trying to vent out so I can clear things out of my mind and maybe I can think of a better article after this.

All my why's are pretty much here. So do bare with my dramas. If you don't like one then proceed to the next article. (LOL!)

Been a while....

I have been reading details and articles of different writers here in read.cash. Be it the tenure to the new one's. Tried to engage because I wat them to feel welcome and valued. One way to show that read.cash and so as BCH community is hospitable and friendly.

As I go through comments, articles including upvotes and sponsors something hit me and I don't know why this realization hurts a bit but it pretty much wounded me. Just a pinch. Nothing critical.

I do not have a sponsor.

Some people keeps on telling me that I am good but not really good enough to receive any sponsor and no I am not telling this now to gain one. It is totally fine but I end up questioning myself, WHY?

I see other writers creating articles tagging those users they tend to look up to and say they are the best. I see newbies one or two days here getting sponsored while me I got none. No one ever seemed to appreciate or engage to me that much despite the fact that I am not a snob.

Does my articles and content not worth it? Or is my writing too lousy?

I am trying my best but my best isn't good enough!

Well then, I kept on saying this mantra," You do not need anyone's approval just to prove that you are good enough." But deep down inside it hurts. I have never been tagged as THE BEST to anything that I chose.

Even at work. I only got "CERTIFICATE OF APPRECIATION" but never "CERTIFICATION AS A TOP EMPLOYEE" or any award that would show that I am THE BEST!

There was a time when I got 24 of a 100% surveys and I was expecting that I will be recognized plus my team leader promised to give me a reward and that was 3 years ago and no reward, no recognition.

There were times that I received good feed back through chat that I am this and that but at the end I am still tagged as "MEET EXPECTATION" but never " EXCEEDS EXPECTATION".

Do I fish for compliments? Nope. I know I am fine without those things BEFORE. But now, it seems that as it hits me. All these realization makes me question myself worth. It makes me experience writers block because I felt a pinch whenever no one's noticing my article. Same goes with anything that I do and sacrifice as I don't get any appreciation. I feel conscious because I get to think maybe I don't give a good read of article to my readers or maybe my article is good for nothing type or just maybe they think I am just writing for the sake of earning.

Maybe, I am not worth this platform but know that I love to write. And please, I am okay. I will be okay.

Just one thing though, every article that I write I spend maximum of 4-7 hours including editing my lead image at times and creating GIFs that is why it hurts when no one would notice and engage. It makes me feel that people only see my article as being published only to earn pity upvotes from Rusty. But yeah, I really can't control people's judgement and mind.

I do not even know if I deserve these 70+ subscribers. Really.

But then I realized instead of getting too much hurt not getting anyone to be proud of me then I will be the one to look for someone deserving to gain a sponsor instead. As long as I could maintain a good earnings in here. I will look for other writers as well. I won't sponsor those who already has a LOT because for sure they are earning enough or more but believe me I look up to many writers here and I can't even stop myself from dreaming and wishing to be like them. I want to motivate more people other than just myself. And may those people that I'll share what's mine would also share to others so the chain of good deed will continue.

And oh, I just got my tippers badge. Yey! I am driven to give more. Usually I leave $1 on my wallet here to give appreciation to others. Now I may raise it to $2-$3 dollars, depends.

All these was my feeling 2 weeks ago. Now, I have pretty much decided to continue learning by reading other authors articles, writing and spreading good karma. No other thing but to just share thoughts, learnings, experiences. All because I love to write and I love people to learn from me. If I only have 1 reader that's pretty fine. May earn or not. Let it be.

I hope and wish someday I can find the field where I am wanted and where I deserve. Because as of today I haven't.

Thanks for reading my dilemma, drama and thoughts whatever you call it. And no, I don't apologize for saying what I felt and I wanna keep it that way.

11
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$ 0.05 from @Jane
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Avatar for Glez
Written by Β Β 104
1 month ago
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Comments

Don't be too sad for having no sponsor. Time will come you will achieve those. Just keep on writing and doing what you love. And in no mean time, when you didn't expect it the most. It will come. Just be optimistic. Anyway, newbie here. ☺

$ 0.10
1 month ago

Hi Mayt ☺ thank you for your kind words. Thats me tryin to vent out and being emotional hahahahh but im good. I was just kinda feeling a pinch of sadness lol.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

After commenting this yesterday, I was... Oooh, someone commented too. And after reading what @Jane's commented and knowing what happens, I was... "That's why." πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Hahahahaha really to be honest I didnt know that theres a need for me to activate anything well nobody ever asked or showed any interest with sponsoring me. I dunno why I made that a big deal last week. Which I guess was good that I tried to make an article because a lot were now aware that they also need to activate the sponsors block. πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
1 month ago

At least this article helps them to realize that too. πŸ˜‚ And you're honest with what you feel. That what makes you unique. 😁

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Nah im just a cry baby despite the age lol hahahah

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Lol. I will agree to that. πŸ˜‚βœŒπŸ½

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Nyahahha i was tryin to be cute here but the result is the other way around lol haha but really, i love this community. 😊 i can be someone I am without me feeling bad.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

It's okay. I found it cute, don't worry. 🀭 Same, I'm loving this community too. Same with the noise.cash platform. And also the BCH thingy. 😊

$ 0.00
1 month ago

You are in noise.cash? Kindly post your link ☺

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Yes I am. Here it is: https://noise.cash/u/Shulzz

$ 0.00
1 month ago

You're a newbie Glez, I tried to sponsor you multiple times but you never had your block activated hahahahahaha xD

$ 0.00
1 month ago

πŸ˜… waaaaa im ashame hahahahaha I really got no idea i have to activate anything though lol! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜… and here I am having tantrums hahahaha. But yeah I really felt bad thinkin I am not good or something πŸ˜₯

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Hahaha glez that's cute

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Hahahahha trying hard to look one eh πŸ˜…

$ 0.00
1 month ago

You wont receive sponsorship because your sponsor block is not activated. Now when you write an article . check the pop window for uploading photos, editing,etc.. At the end youw wil see a dollar sign $..click it to activate your sponsor block

$ 0.10
1 month ago

😣 halaaa nkakahiya. Nag emote pa ako mag e.aactivate pla? LOL! HAHAA pero seryoso i felt low way back coz Im thinkin maybe my content were of no quality. :/ which I can agree na din because ano ba naman ang 2 mos. Wala din kasi nag.aask sakin or interested so ganun. Im tried to activate it just to see, based on your instruction. THANK YOUUU JANE 😘. Pero talaga lang πŸ˜… emotera... Lol di ko nlng toh e unpub baka may mka relate hahaha may mka chikahan pa ako. πŸ€—πŸ˜

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Emote pa more 🀣🀣🀣🀣 naactivate mo nb?

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Oo na activate ko na siguro may nakikita n akong box below my article that says sponsor hahaha

$ 0.00
1 month ago