@Fyangzee24

@Fyangzee24 5 September 2021

My brain can't still function properly. Another family was taken by Covid. I am asking again for your prayers and also for me to gain back my strength and fix my mental health because literally, I am so traumatized by what's happening around me. If there is still someone around here who doesn't believe in Covid, IT IS REAL. I have witnessed how it took my loved one in just 13 hrs. Please let us all be vigilant and be safe.

@Fyangzee24 2 September 2021

I wish that Heaven had visiting hours And I would ask them if I could take you home But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best So I will live life the way you taught me And make it on my own. -Ed Sheeran

@Fyangzee24 2 September 2021

Tears in Heaven Min, did you remember on Sunday you went to our house, we had a cakewalk, we sang songs we couldn't even remember the lyrics, we danced like there's no tomorrow and we laugh as if it's our last day. On Monday, I got homesick, because I am missing home and your company. Adulting is just too harsh on us. You're still in your senior year in college while I am working on some experiences. I have foreseen already how good of a nurse you'd become in the future. You said your number 1 fan is your "tatay", who is my second " tatay", as well. I just loved how he cared for me as much as how he cares for you. You're someone just like your dad, a person with a jolly-happy soul. I remembered, how irritated you were every time "tatay" gets home drunk. But, it will not last for an hour because "tatay" gets so hilarious when he's drunk. I saw how happy you were when you danced with him, even without music. I don't understand your dance steps but I enjoyed it too. Little did I know, I won't be seeing it anymore. When my phone suddenly rang, and your name was registered as my caller, I was confused because we never call each other, we only send random chats. You were so quiet when I answered your call, then slowly I heard your sobs on the other line. "Min?" I can't remember how many times I called your name. You were not answering, so I just listened. I just thought you were on another disastrous phase of your nursing journey and just having a breakdown. We were just silent for 15 minutes or so, then, finally, you uttered some words, which totally broke my heart. "Neil, Wa nas tatay" *Neil, Daddy's gone*. I was stupefied, I don't know what to say or react to. I just felt the warm liquid suddenly flowed out from my eyes. I just can't process the words you just said. Min, when I saw you when we had our video call., I looked at you and happiness completely left your eyes. You were crying your heart out, blaming yourself for not being a good daughter to "tatay". I feel so bad, after all, I don't know what are the exact words to say because I am also lost of words because of the bad news I just received from you. I wanted to take half of the pain you're feeling right now if only I could, I would in a heartbeat. I feel so bad because you're just on your own, I wanted to be with you in your darkest hour, if only God will let me visit the paradise above, I will take back "tatay" for you. If only I knew the words to comfort your bleeding heart, but, it's just that I can't still manage to think of any good words. To a daughter and from another daughter, the loss of a father is unbearable. God, if you're listening, please heal our hearts and please put back the smile that has left her eyes. *To every person who reads this article, may I lend a minute from you and please say a little prayer, for the eternal rest of our dearest Tatay*. Fyangzee xoxo

@Fyangzee24 31 August 2021

I know I'm Beautiful Just as I am Three months ago, I was invited by a close friend to join this platform. At first, I was hesitant about joining because it takes my precious time. But, then as I studied it I was able to find suitable articles that relate to my condition and some inspire me. I have found something where I can express my thoughts where others can advise without judgment. My first ever article was entitled Beauty is Beyond Perfection, you can read it here: https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/beauty-is-beyond-perfection-bb05ece6 In that article, I wrote there my insecurities and my greatest dream. I dream of becoming a beauty queen. Ever since I was a child, my happiness goes every time I am picked as a muse in our section. I was also crowned 'Yuletide Princess' in our school back in the elementary days. When I get to high school, It seemed like I'm too far from the dream I wanted. I wanted to be picked as a representative for Intramural Beauty Pageants but I couldn't get in because of my height. I gave up the dream I once had when I was a kid. How old are you when you had your first period? Or the one they called in science, menarche? From what I have learned, the normal occurrence of the menstrual period is between 10 to 16 years old. I got my period at 16, running 17. Ever since I've already known, something is wrong with my hormones. Every year, I only bleed like once a year, or if my ovaries feel lucky, it happens twice a year. Once I bleed, it will last for one to two weeks. As I was born with Hemophobia, I became comfortable about it. Not until I felt pain in my pelvis. I was in college when I got my first check-up. I was told it was just a hormonal imbalance. I was given some medications. Fortunately, my monthly discharge became normal for a year. After graduating college, I am already voluptuous. I could describe myself, not slim but not fat. I am not a fast-eater kind of person, actually, I even get full instantly. That bothered, me because there's a sudden increase in my weight, and it keeps on increasing. I experienced acne break-out for a while, massive hair fall, and worse, as I was busy monitoring my weight, I forgot when was the last time that I bled. In 2020, I was diagnosed with mild PCOS. That was my first time, hearing about those acronyms. I was dumbfounded as the doctor was trying to explain to me what is it all about. I did not understand any of those she explained to me. So, I did my own research. According to the mayo clinic, "Polycystic ovary syndrome is a disorder involving infrequent, irregular or prolonged menstrual periods, and often excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries develop numerous small collections of fluid — called follicles — and may fail to regularly release eggs. What makes me so down, is that I have read some articles that there's a chance of infertility and there's no cure yet. There are only ways to eliminate the increasing growth of cysts in the ovary. As for my case, it's still mild, so as early as possible, I'm trying to prevent the growth of it in my body. Now that I have known what makes the sudden changes in my body, made me feel less insecure with others. I always just think, 'I will be healed'. If a miracle happens and PCOS will melt away, I would probably become normal. Recently, my classmates from Highschool gathered together for a small get-together, because one of my classmates came back from Manila. I was so happy to see her as we were close during high school days. But, I wished undone the day I went there. The moment she saw me, she said, " Omg! How come you're so fat and ugly? You know you're short and you still made yourself fat Ha-ha what are you an LPG tank?" Everybody was laughing. I felt like I was made the laughing-stock in the group. I was called a pig, an elephant, and ugly. Little did they know, the one they called fat and ugly is suffering from an incurable disorder. There's no way that I stayed long with them, as soon as I get home, I cried my heart out. I didn't know people could be so heartless and insensitive. I was proud to myself that despite their tactlessness I still managed to smile. A million times crossed my mind, I should end up with the shame I have felt but I chose to stay still and get over what's inside my body. I know I am beautiful. The beauty we see on the outside is not superficial, it's important to see the beauty that lies within that make-up and porcelain skin. I may be called fat, short, or ugly, I am still beautiful. No one would ever look at me with love other than myself. The most beautiful value I have ever learned from my experiences is the value of acceptance. Accepting yourself, not because you don't have a choice, but because you embrace your imperfections, and that makes me beautiful, just as I am. Thank you @JonicaBradley for this opportunity. For those who want to try this writing prompt, all you have to do is the following: *Write anything about* ***Beauty*** *Write 100% original content* *Write at least 600 words* *Tag* ***@JonicaBradley*** https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley *Submit to* ***PromptlyJonica Community*** https://read.cash/c/promptlyjonica-b4a0 *Have fun* Lead image from Google. Fyangzee xoxo

@Fyangzee24 31 August 2021

Still a Fairytale Ending Note: If you haven't watched Kissing Booth 3, skip this. I don't wanna spoil you! "People pass through our lives. Some of them fade into memories, but a few become part of who you are." This line is made famous by Elle Evans played by Joey King in the movie Kissing Booth 3. Every person we met, doesn't mean they're gonna stay for a long time. Some have even no intention of staying, just passing by. People who have been there for every moment of your life become a part of you. When they will walk away, a huge part of you will shatter. As you read this, you probably, watched the movie. For sure you are one of the many who thinks the movie has an open ending. The damn cliffhanger ending made us think a lot of questions, do they get back together? Did Noah date Chloe? Did Marco had a chance to Elle? etc. I wanted to toss a rope to get out of this cliff. I am curious as well. What I have mulled over about the movie is that life continues even after a major heartbreak. It's not the end. You still have a life to live and continue the road you have to keep because other people are rooting on you. Do not just abandon your dreams for someone, they don't deserve it. It will not be easy, but it will be better in time. You will be seeing a better version of yourself. Noah and Elle's story started at a booth and ended with a goodbye. They prove that not all goodbyes are sad. It just happens because we need to grow without being with the person we used to love. At some point in our lives, we need to discover more about ourselves, and we can only do that on our own. Yes, you will miss the person. Everything you've been together. You will feel the emptiness in your heart when you feel his absence. But, you know there is no other choice but to let go. Maybe your choice has more to do with what other people want. Maybe it's time you think about what you want. Freedom is the best thing you can give to yourself. Even if you're used to relying your plans on that person, you have to learn that not all the time, that person will always carry you behind. You have to learn to stand alone. Eventually, you will realize that the decision you made is not worthless. When we're ready, our hearts will automatically open up again. It could either be to the love we used to have or to a new love. I want to be as brave as Elle. She was too brave to let go of the two important people of her life, her lover and her best friend. She knew that it was for the better and it is her chance to give herself a break. Now, she was able to do what she likes. She chooses what makes her truly happy and free. So, even if they don't end up together, they both still have a fairytale ending. They're both happy with the person they've become. All images are from Google. Fyangzee xoxo

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@Fyangzee24 31 August 2021

Annyeonghaseyo! How's your long weekend? I was inactive the whole weekend because I went home. It's been so long since I visited my parents' house. 💓 xoxo

@Fyangzee24 27 August 2021

My Love Story "Goodbye! I wished there were no hard feelings between us." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOfVnbz7MjQ I just stared at him at the moment he was uttering the words. No one dared to speak. He pushed open the door ready to go to his boarding house. I didn't move to hold him, I said, "I don't care." That statement was only a foolish joke not meant to be taken seriously. But he finally opened the wooden door and was about to go. Suddenly, an unexplained longing gripped over me. I was not ready to let him go. I called after him, "Dear what's the problem? Please come back, I don't mean what I said..." But he didn't answer. He just left. I ran after him. I was pacing on the floor and stopped at the seventh step of the stairs as I gazed at him going down the stairs. My eyes hooked up on his back but could not see what he felt. He looked up at me and said, "Good luck! It's better to have this way rather than to go along. It's best for us to just forget each other." I felt something strange. There was this heavy clog deep within that I felt like bursting into tears. I pulled him but he struggled and pushed me back. When we were still, he calmly turned his back and walked away forever in my life. Once again, I pulled him near to me. I wanted clarifications for things, once and for all. "I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm sorry for all the things I've done, I promise not to disturb you anymore," he said. "Is this would be forever?" I asked and landed my vision on him as he nodded sadly. My eyes, the mirror to my distressed soul closed tightly and suppressed the tears from falling. I held him close enough and saw his eyes. I was touched to see those clear crystal-like drops came out from his deep-penetrating sense of sight, despite the dimness of the place. He told me he was hurt and he was willing to give up what we have. He said he's giving us space from each other to discover both our inner selves if we can make it through without each other. What hurt me was when he said he'll try not to miss me, see me and remember me anymore. I was truly speechless. I was caught tongue-tied. And there was a deafening silence. All of a sudden, with a burst of bitter laughter, I made a decision that I prayed not to regret. I don't know if I have the bones for it but I made up my mind. I will give him what he asked for, even if it meant losing him forever in my system. I thought he was really right. Giving ourselves time to contemplate things is the best solution to the dilemma we were facing. To end the dramatic scene, I pushed him hard to go away, to walk away, and for him to be out of my sight now and forever. But he remained still, curling his body and looked down in the cement and ground. He said he'll retreat later but I insisted on him going away that moment. After a few seconds, he stood up and took his steps out of my sight, out of my life, out of my world. **... to be continued** Lead image from Google.

@Fyangzee24 25 August 2021

Ms. @Jinifer! Omg! I just can't wait to see your profile in my box. THANK YOU SO MUCH 🤧💓

@Fyangzee24 25 August 2021

Never-Have-I-Ever I was inspired by @Lazysnail to do this challenge. My cousins play this game but I never get the chance to join because I am too afraid to be exposed hahaha. Anyways, since nobody from my family is on this platform so I am going to rock this Never-have-I-Ever challenge :D **Never have I ever have I read an ebook.** Back when there was no Wattpad yet, the ebook is our source of reading stories. I remembered I read stories from an ebook on my cherry mobile phone. I had a hundred stories on it like, *Three words Eight Letters, Forever and Always, Campus Royalties, etc.* Oh gone were the days where I spend the whole night reading the whole chapter of Voiceless hahaha that was my favorite. My mother thought that I was sleeping but little did she know, I'm crying silently for Kean Patrick Padua who died from a car accident. Geez... I miss those days. Oh before I could forget. I read the Fifty Shades Trilogy on ebook. I was like 12 at that time. I was so curious about it hahahaha What about you? What are your favorite ebook stories? **Never have I ever watched Game of Thrones** Game of Thrones is a masterpiece. I am currently waiting for the prequel of GoT. I was in my last year in college when I was hooked on it. It happened that the Season 8 last episode will air on the night before my final examination on logic. Instead of reviewing my notes, I chose to cram the next day because I don't want to miss a single episode of it. Luckily, I was still able to get a good score hahaha. Valar Morghulis! Which House do you stan? Me, I am a half House Targaryen and a half House Stark. **Never have I ever blamed a pet for something I did.** Why am I so guilty for this? haha My brother bought a box of pizza when he went to the city. It was supposed to be given to his friend who was celebrating his birthday that day. Well, I didn't know that it was not for us, so I took 3 slices of it. When he came back getting ready to go to his friend's house, he was so furious because the box is half-open and 3 slices were lost. *"Kinsa man nagkaon sa pizza? Nag-ingon na bja ko di ni para injo!"* (Who ate my pizza? I already told you this is not for you!) I was just on the couch watching T.V when I heard him screaming from the dining room. As I have no idea that it was not supposed to be eaten by us, I am feeling guilty. I don't want to get caught. Luckily, the cat was above the freezer. *"Basin kana si Kolas nanghungkab na pud."* (I think it was Kolas that ate the pizza.) He spanked and shooed Kolas away and the cat hurriedly runs away from the house. I really feel sorry for my cat :3 **Never have I ever gone on a blind date.** Never have and never will hahaha. I don't see myself, going out on a blind date as if I have no choice in getting a relationship. **Never have I ever have I dated someone 10 years older than me.** I have never dated someone who is 10 years older than me. I dated a few guys but we were of the same age and if not we just have a 2-year gap. I had so much fun while doing this challenge. If you want to do this here's the link for you: https://randomwordgenerator.com/never-have-i-ever-question.php Fyangzee xoxo

@Fyangzee24 24 August 2021

Argggh! I just want to vent out what I feel today. Juskooooooo! Ang laki ng bill ng kuryente ko! I just live alone and I'm always at work in daytime. Electric fan lang naman nagagamit ko sa gabi huhuhuhu T_T

@Fyangzee24 24 August 2021

All About Me I came across articles of some bloggers here that are answering slam book questions. I got curious about it and decided to give it a try. Given that it was been so long since I answered such questions. I could even remember I made one back in high school. There I made my classmate confess his feelings towards me hahaha... That's so cringy to think now :D I got the questions here https://questionsgems.com/slam-book-questions/#Slam_Book_Questions_2021 **When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?** This question brings a lot of nostalgia. I remembered back when I was still at grade school my little brother is the clumsiest being I have ever known. He keeps on stumbling down and ends up getting a lot of bruises, and I always treat him with some herbal leaves and I always have in my medicine kit the colorful band-aids. I apply it to his bruises. So, I always wanted to become a doctor but it's just like it's not meant for me. Until now, I'm still dreaming of becoming a doctor. (Even i's impossible now :D) **Who was your Biggest Crush in college?** I'm too shy to expose my crush in college because there are many bloggers here that were in the same school I went to in college. We were in the same organization. He's a math major and I'm a biological science major. He is a senior to me. I liked him because he's cool, funny and smart. I really blushed every time we meet in the hallway. Since he's very friendly, there are times that he would smile at me. That brings me to cloud 9. Let's just call him JB :D **What was the last lie you told?** It was last night hahaha. I really find it hilarious because I just lied about having not taken dinner yet but I was actually done eating. After eating my dinner, my boss's nephew came to me and said we're going to eat outside. As I was too shy to refuse the invitation, I just hurriedly prepared myself. I feel pain in my stomach as I am so full that night, I'm never gonna lie about it again hahaha. I just discovered another talent that is to eat after eating hahaha. **Where do you want to be in 50 years?** In 50 years I'm about 70 years old. By that time, if God will let me live that age, I'd like to be on a farm that is also near the beach, it could be here in the country or abroad, enjoying my retirement. I hope by that time, I'll be living a stress-free life, happy and contented. That would be all for now. I'll be answering more soon :) Fyangzee xoxo

@Fyangzee24 22 August 2021

Choices... Every day we make choices. The moment we opened our eyes from a long night of sleep, we have plenty of choices of what to do first. Should I get up now, or sleep a little more? Should I wash my face first or brush my teeth? Some simple scenarios in our daily lives require us to choose one from the choices. Often, we get confused about what to choose, so we tend to ask for others' opinions to be enlightened. We try to weigh things which are better, which are not, and the reasons and effects if you choose one certain choice. We all make sorts of choices every day of the week. Some choices shape us for life, such as a man or a woman's choice of their future spouse, it could also be our choice of the people we want to get close or be friends with or our choice of career. These are fundamental choices that shape our other choices in life but there could be more than that, that is the choice of the value system by which we will live. This Sunday mass, the gospel talks about **CHOICES**. As the priest is delivering his homily, I remembered the choices I made this day. Earlier today before going to the church. I was thinking what should I wear? What shoes should I put on? Should I ride a motorcycle to church or just walk? In the end, I went to the church comfortably. It did not take a long time for me to decide those matters. All I ever think of is to go to the choice where I'm comfortable. Making choices could be difficult and confusing. When the priest said, "Make your choices closer to God and you will never be confused." God will never give us an option that could harm us. He will provide options, even not the same as our choices but it is similar and closer to His. There I realized why does sometimes I feel trouble in finding a decision? It seems so hard to choose among the many choices. Some options are easy but can lead to harm. Let us always remember God will never lead us to an option that harms us. So, reject that option. The gospel today somehow relates with the first reading, when Joshua put a fundamental choice before the people. It's who to serve, the Lord or the false gods. Sometimes we are all Joshuas' in another way. We sometimes confuse ourselves and give importance to the one they called "false gods". These false gods could be money, sex, and other earthly things. God wants us to have freedom. What He means of freedom is that we can no longer feel confusion and hesitation whenever we make choices. If we lose the choice we wanted, He will give it to us as often as we need it. No matter what choices prompt us every day, always choose what makes you free and which makes you closer to God. Happy Sunday Everone! Fyangzee :> xoxo Lead image from Unsplash.

@Fyangzee24 21 August 2021

You are beautiful and Your life is Precious Living might be hard and dying might be easy because, in some weeks, she feels everything, then she feels nothing. Sometimes she forgets everything. She forgets because she doesn't care anymore. She grew thick skin as protection. She barely feels the heat of the sun. She barely feels the frost formed in the window. But, even with that skin, she got bruises not knowing what had caused them. Her neurons weakened. Her dendrites got lazy. She is pinched... by nails and by painful things, but she feels nothing. Just no emotion. Nothing can hurt her. Do you think that it's good? No. It's scary because nothing can make her happy either. I know because I did a little observation. Living might be hard and dying might be easy because I have barely seen him going out of his house. He's not washing his car for a month, not watering the plants for days. He got deliveries from a fast-food chain and his friends can't talk to him since he won't answer the calls. He missed his taekwondo class for weeks and he barely opens his window or curtain. I know because I did a little look. Living might be hard and dying might be easy because I've read her post last week. She seemed down ad alone. She's lonely and no one understands her. She has a broken family. She has a boyfriend who doesn't take their relationship seriously. She might have friends but it would be a misnomer since they talk bad things about her when she's not with them. She's surrounded by judgmental eyes and mouths operating without an ear to listen to the voice of her soul. She got a lot of Facebook friends around 1000+ would like and react to her profile picture but neither of them can be called when she's in need. I know because I did a little stalk. Living might be hard and dying might be easy because she'd written something depressing at the back of her photocopy, she wished that she's dead. Well, she has an expensive smile but just like other expensive things...they're beautiful. When a seatmate asked her if she's okay, she just nods...but her eyes were opposed. I caught her always...staring blankly ahead. She doesn't usually talk to anyone first. She maybe is afraid of being neglected. I know because I sit behind her on some Fridays and beside her on some Wednesdays. Living might be hard and dying might be easy, but dear, life is great, even if you think that it is not. Fyangzee xoxo 💜 Lead image from Google.

@Fyangzee24 18 August 2021

Mr. Shoes-Glue College Encounter 101 This was one of the strangest yet most favorite encounters that I had in college. I posted this on Facebook 4 years ago, and I saw this in my memories. I just thought I could share it all with you 😊 I was on my way back to Tomas Oppus when a guy sat beside me on the bus I was riding. He was wearing a Marine Engineering uniform. (I was having a sound trip with my earphones on (okay it's Ate J's 🎧😅). Five minutes later (i guess) I noticed him checking on my shoes or feet (idk) Like wth is your problem with my feet man? He then suddenly stopped the bus. I was silently rejoicing bc he's no longer beside me. But he came back carrying something in his left hand. Like I was thinking, is this man going to kill me? I know I'm just getting paranoid. But this guy was acting so sus 😥 He went back to his seat. I just rolled my eyes over and looked outside. I can still see him in my peripheral vision, he's really acting weird while looking down on my shoes or feet. Until we got to Padre Burgos when he suddenly lowered down his head and he reached for my left foot and he halfly took it off from my foot. I was about to shout when I saw what he did. He glued my shoe with a shoe glue bc the sole of my shoe was like 'nakanganga na'. Then he said, 'Be careful next time miss'. And he went off the bus. I was left on my seat with the question, 'Kuya anong pangalan mo?' It's been 4 years, and our paths never crossed again. I just shared this one because until now I'm still fascinated with his actions. We all thought chivalry is dead in this generation. But there's still hope in this world hahaha... Thank you 💜 Today's tiring but a lot of fun. I had a blast on the first day of class 😊 I hope I could get back on track and write good articles ☺ Lead image from Google. ~Fyangzee xoxo

@Fyangzee24 17 August 2021

Growing up To grow up Is to accidentally drink the sea when you laugh, To scorch yourself as you are cooking for lunch, To walk around places and to numbly step a piece of poo on the ground, To sit down looking the sunset veiled by the cumulus cloud To listen to the distant song with the shrieking engine so loud, To miss someone around 2 am when the person is already fallen asleep, To love someone even if they are not so lovable and to grieve someone when the person is still alive, I have to tell you that growing up Is like a storm, It's ugly but it's after the fall Makes it worthwhile. Thank you lovely sponsors and readers for the inspiration everyday. Annyeong chingu! I can't make a long article today since my mind is so stuffed with tomorrow's activity. Tomorrow's the D-day for me and my pupils to meet after a 2-month vacation. There are lots of changes in our set-up. I am nervous and at the same time excited to see them again. But, I feel like I'm losing a bit of enthusiasm because of the changes that just happened. Wish me luck! 🤧💜 **Fyangzee** ~xoxo

@Fyangzee24 16 August 2021

I received new sponsorship from @ARTicLEE and it made my night so complete. To my old and new sponsors, thank you for your generosity. Y'all made me inspired and keep on grinding. God bless you all 😊

@Fyangzee24 16 August 2021

Teenage Frenzy Do you still remember your teenage years? What is it all about? Is there something memorable that happened in your life during that stage? For a teenager, things like alcohol, friends, love, and different gigs matter most. To feel great is one subjective factor in one's life. Set aside the problems carried by the world today and just feel the essence of teenage life. There are things you have to consider as a teenager. In dealing with FRIENDS, you have to choose the people you tend to get along with. Friends' characters are of so many kinds: good, cruel, arrogant, stupid, etc. So make sure that you pick the best ones. The good ones are the people whom you can count on and who are always there by your side through ups and downs. If nobody's perfect, then almost perfect people are called TRUE FRIENDS. What about drinking alcoholic drinks? Some say that "alcohol is the nourishing water of the modern youth". Some drink it to forget their problems. Others drink it for fun. But many are hooked and addicted to it even though they are aware of the negative effects it brings to our bodies. Too much alcohol intake may cause damage to cells and body organs that can lead to certain diseases. On the other hand, alcohol helps lower the cholesterol level which is healthy for the heart. One should have self-discipline while drinking this. Take note, alcohol is good when is taken moderately but being alcoholic is another story. One more thing that matters most in the life of a teenager is having someone to love and be loved in return. It makes life more meaningful because it adds the excitement of being an adolescent. Some teens find themselves torn between " love" and "infatuation". Most people have met their first love during their teenage years. Do you know the real meaning of love? It is hard to explain, but it's easy to feel it once it's inside your heart. It is also a great experience a teenager must not miss to go through. Further, it teaches us many lessons, and it's on e of the reasons why other people prefer to live longer in this world. So, better have it in good purpose. Don't overdo things. Just learn to be in love and loved for the right reasons. Love truly and deeply! These are just some of the things a teenager has: good friends, a beloved, and alcohol for enjoyment. Life is what you make it. To those teenagers reading this, "Live teenage life an enjoyable one!" Thank you for dropping by ☺💜 All pictures are from Google. -Fyangzee xoxo

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@Fyangzee24 15 August 2021

Building Linkages as a Source of Strength The other day, I posted here the first part of our webinar on Psychological First Aid Training. If you happen to skip the first part here's the link: https://read.cash/@Fyangzee24/its-okay-to-not-be-okay-f61fe454 On Saturday, August 14, 2021, was the continuation for the two modules left. We started with Module 3 which talks about "Linking: Identifying and Addressing ng Needs" According to WHO in 2011, The frequent needs of people are the Basic Needs; which is the food, shelter, clothing, and education, There's also physical and mental health, correct information, access to cellphones, internet and email, and the last one is being consulted about major decisions that will directly affect our lives. There is a famous line that goes, 'No man is an Island' that means, no one can stand alone. No matter how tough we think ourselves are, we still need guidance and support from other people, may it be family or a friend. For the first activity, we were told to collect important contacts, needed by the people in the community. So, we listed there under different departments, the community center, Municipal Police Office, Provincial Disaster Management Office (PDMO), District Hospital, etc. Those are just a few important departments in a municipality or community. People be needing of help, if cannot be handled they can be referred to any of those departments in the community depending on the situation. It is very important to familiarize whom to call when there are emergencies like a fire, immediate response will be done by the Bureau of Fire Protection when reported to their agency. They are made for the aid and convenience of the people not for the government to earn money. The second activity was a very easy one, we were just told to make a scenario about a person that requires help and where are we going to link his need. So, mine is, I thought of a fellow in my neighborhood who just got married and they are having problems with their electricity. I would probably refer him first to Baranggay Office to ask for a Certificate of Indigency so he can avail of discounts because installation of electricity is quite costly. After that, he will be referred to SOLECO, the electric cooperative in our province here in Southern Leyte. It might be very simple, but it is a big help to him. You too can do big bits of help in the community by knowing the community departments that provide help and service. The last module talks about "Sources of Strength". We are all weak. No matter how tough we look on the outside, we are still weak in some parts of our bodies. The first Activity was called, "What makes you powerful?" We are to provide at least 5 sources of strength. So, first I have God. When I can't think of anything to do, I always talk to him in silence and ask Him to help me carry the heavy load I am holding up. Everything becomes light when you talk to God. Next is my family. They are the immediate people I could lean on. The world may turn its back on me, but never they will. The love and support are enough for me to keep ongoing. Third, are my friends. They are angels sent by God, so I can have someone to share my thoughts, splurge when I'm in the mood, and people whom you can laugh with. Fourth is my Ambition. The promise I made to myself 10 years ago to become successful, fuels my desire to work harder and to never give up, it doesn't matter the pace and the number of failures I get, I will continue to chase my dreams. Lastly, are my weakness. Instead of getting down, being insecure, and blame me, I'd rather make it my source of strength. So, I will always think that I can be more than what I am right now. Moving on to Activity 2 of Module 4, it turned us something into crafty, creative teachers. We were tasked to make a shirt out of paper. Given the directions on what to put in the shirt made. At the very end of our webinar, I could really tell I grasped a lot of information, and hopefully, I will be able to assess it and apply what I have learned. It doesn't cost a single penny to help a person in need. Thank you for reading my experiences in PFA training and I hope you learned something too. 💜 Photos are mine ☺ Lead image from Google. Fyangzee 💜

@Fyangzee24 13 August 2021

It's okay to not be okay As preparation for the school year 2021-2022, our school conducted a special webinar for us teachers. It's all about Psychological First-Aid Training. It is a two-day webinar composed of four modules to tackle. We finished the two modules today. At first, I asked our administrator, "Why conduct such training, Miss? Are we some kind of psychiatrist or psychology experts now?" Then she said, "it's not about everything that you said." I got confused and curious about why do we have to take 2 days off from working and preparing our lessons for the starting week of class. I decided to focus and listen, maybe I could grasp the answer to my question. So, Psychological First Aid or PFA is a safe and humane response to people who are suffering in the context of exposure to a serious stressor. Since the pandemic started, pupils and students are not allowed to go to school. They are needed to stay at home and take classes at home. Some are using modular, others are having online classes. For us, we are having an online class. Even at home, we cannot ensure the safety of children. With this PFA training, we can learn how to provide practical support among those pupils who went traumatic experiences. We could ensure their basic needs for them to cope up and comfort them to ease their feelings. Dealing with sensitive incidents or accidents, you are not going to pressure the child to talk, you only have to listen. Never force them, even hugging or tapping the back of the child is wrong. It might lead to major traumatic stress. It's because they could remember the bad thing that happened with the actions or gestures you're giving to the child. It's better to be careful. PFA is not counseling. When you do counseling, you will be needing the historical data of the happening as your guide. Victims or survivors of excruciating events cannot give an immediate response when you ask them what has happened. This practice is not limited to professionals only. You can do it to others as a friend, a mother, a sister, anybody can do a psychological first-aid. It is like doing a First-aid treatment to a patient before sending him to the hospital. This is also not a session to analyze what happened, because if you keep on asking the victim what has happened, he will keep on thinking of the terrible event of his life. Most of all, it is not pressuring people to tell you about how are they feeling and reacting to the event. Instead of saying, 'Are you okay?' you should say, 'How are you?' You are not supposed to ask them if they're okay if it's obviously they're not because of a tragic incident or accident. The first module is about Normalizing and Validating Feelings. We were given an activity called graphing feelings. So, we are to think of the emotions we felt for the past six months. Then, the emotions were drawn in a graph after. So for the past six months, I felt pressured, scared, motivated, disappointed, and happy. Pressured is the feeling that ranked the highest in my graph. True I am greatly pressured by the people around me. It's been 2 years since I graduated and I feel like I am left behind by my classmates. I am thinking that my pacing is very slow. Ranked the second is being scared. I am scared of the future? Will I be successful? Will I ever be able to take and pass the LET exam? When will this Covid end? I am so afraid, that I can't stop thinking about it. Next to it is the feeling of disappointment and happiness. They are on the same level. I am disappointed with myself because I can't do anything to remove the pressure I am feeling but at the same time I am happy that my family always backs me up. They're always there for me. They know how pressured and disappointed I am in myself but they never made me think that I am already a failure. For them, I am still their pride. Ranked the lowest is the feeling of motivation. For the past months, I haven't been so productive because I'm so unmotivated. My family is there, but still not enough. It was a good activity though, I was able to dig deeper into my feelings. The second activity of module 1 was very entertaining. The speaker played 4 songs and we are to draw the first thing that comes to our mind after hearing the song. The first song was "Bakit nga ba Mahal Kita? by Rosell Nava" what I drew was a pencil, an eraser, and a drawing book. Since I'm not good at drawing I used symbolism. It represented my first love who is known as a good artist at school when I was in high school. I loved him from afar because he doesn't know my feelings for him. Even if he doesn't notice me, I still loved him with all my heart. The second song was "Paubaya by Moira dela Torre." I drew a phone. The phone represented the time when my great love broke up with me, and I have to let go of him because he doesn't love me anymore. That's what Paubaya means right? To let go. The third song was baby shark of Cocomelon. Well, this one's very easy. I thought immediately of my baby nephew, so I drew different kinds of fruits because we all call him at house Fruity. 😁 The fourth song was 'What a Beautiful Name It is' whenever I think about Jesus I always look up at the sky and see clouds. Clouds protect us from UV rays and they also bring rains. It is everything to me. It is what God does to us. Everything. Moving on to the second module which happened in the afternoon session it is now all about Calming Down and Controlling One's Emotions. The first activity was called What do you do? So we are simply tasked by the speaker to jot down at least 5 things we do to calm down ourselves. For me, eating ice cream is the first option to calm myself up. The coldness of ice cream freezes my brain stopping me from thinking negative thoughts. Second, reading a book. I really find comfort in reading it helps me divert my thoughts in making images in my head. The third is listening to worship songs. Worship songs bring a different vibe to me. It's calming, soothing, and brings peace to my spine. Fourth is dancing and singing my heart out. I don't care how cracked my voice is or how awful my dance steps are I will sing and dance to tire myself and forget what keeps on rummaging in my head. The last one is my favorite, sleeping because sleeping is the best policy hahaha. I'll sleep away my thoughts, anxiety, and anger it helped me somehow. The second Activity is called My Playlist. We were given five categories and we are to give 2 songs that we like for each. These are what I wrote in my Activity sheet. Happy Songs • Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran • Permission to Dance by BTS Uplifting/Inspiring Songs • Fix you by Coldplay • Anyone by Justine Bieber Upbeat/Hyper Songs • Dynamite by BTS • Butter by BTS In Love • Crazier by Taylor Swift • ILYSB by LANY Hugot Songs • Before it's too late by Moira dela Torre • Kung di rin lang Ikaw by December Avenue ft. Moira dela Torre At the end of the second module, we found out that the music that we listen to reflects our personality and our emotions. It helps us relieve whatever is going through in our lives. Overall, Today's session was productive I learned a lot from it. So, before I could perform PFA on a victim I may encounter in the future, I have to evaluate my feelings and emotions first and be able to control the emotions that could stop me from doing PFA as a teacher. With the activities, I was able to identify the emotions I am capable to feel and was able to feel also, I found out things that can help us control our anger issues. I am very happy I have something to share with all of you who read my articles. I hope you will be able to become an instrument to help using PFA. Hopefully, I can continue to share with you all the remaining two modules tomorrow. Thank you for stopping by 😊

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@Fyangzee24 12 August 2021

My sister and I My sister and I never seemed to get along although we shared the same room. We didn't have the same tastes in clothing, shoes, and other accessories. We were not comfortable having each other's company ever since this resulting in constant quarrels and disagreements. Our conversations often turned into arguments so we just preferred to keep quiet to prevent further bickering and mocking. We continued hating each other instead of finding what is wrong between us. Neither of us pays attention that what we are doing is not good. But what could I do? I really couldn't stand myself being close to her. After all, we are sisters and that we have to share plenty of things in our small house. She graduated first in high school, moved out of our house, and got into a university. At last, I felt freedom and peace. I am no longer breathing the same air as her. But after a year she stopped her studies. She didn't pursue her studies in college but instead went to Manila to find a job. It's not that our family cannot afford it's just that my sister is not the kind of a very studios person, she hates to study. That could be the reason why she stopped. As for me, I got into a different university and I pursued my studies there. Being one of the students in a prestigious university exposed me to a variety of personalities, which I later found to be in contrast with my own. I find difficulty in getting along well with my present constituents. I looked myself in the mirror trying to ponder what is wrong with me. I realized then that I didn't even know how to develop a good rapport with my family members like my sister, so how much to other people? I never had the chance to have a harmonious relationship with my sister. Worse is that I didn't even care at all. I remember the time when I took something from her without asking and yet she was not furious about it. I recalled those moments that I refused to share my things with her and also for saying those nasty things behind her back just to uplift myself in the eyes of other people. By observing different kinds of personalities around me, I started to accept each one's strengths and weaknesses. I learned to appreciate each person because everybody is unique. I discovered that accepting people whoever they may be is a way towards developing a genuine friendship. And sad to say, it is the only thing that I and my sister failed to do. Gradually, I began to learn that it takes a brotherly/sisterly love to achieve a true friendship. After realizing the situation, I started wondering who my sister is. What are the things she likes and dislikes? What did she think of me those years we spent together? I have so many questions in my mind and hoping they will be answered soon. I reflected on the times that we shared before, memories of the past came back flooding in my mind. I felt a very strange emotion. Excitement flowed over me. What would it be like when I'm with her again? I missed our childhood days, somehow we shared some tears and laughter. Then I said to myself, I have to make it up this time. I couldn't help but think that if I have only tried before, those times that we spent together would not be wasted. Our relationship will surely turn out just fine. My sister also wanted our relationship to work out, and we intended to give another shot on it. We wanted to be with each other's company, chatting and laughing together. By opening our communication lines, we discovered that we enjoyed being together. What amazed me more is the way we settled our disputes easily the way we did recently. How about you? Do you get along with your siblings? Do you share your interest and ideas with them? Do you help them when they're in need? If not, then this is the sign. It's not too late to develop a good relationship with them. Start it right away while you still have the time. You might end up regretting not giving it a try. *This is ain't a real story of my relationship with my sister. We get along very well 😇 She's the best Ate in the world. I was just inspired by our neighbors who argues all the time 😁* Borahae 💜

@Fyangzee24 11 August 2021

A Thought about Reality Reality is SAD. This is the fact that reality is SAD. The fact that we get old and leave the world in time, the fact that we can't be the favorite of someone we look up to, and the fact that we do mistakes could change our lives forever. The fact that we can't have everything we need and want and the fact that we can't say everything we feel, is so sad and at the same time so true. Well, there are reasons behind this SAD REALITY. I asked my friends, "What is a reality for you?" Joel answered, "Reality will hurt us but the pain will set us free. It is how we accept things and move on from the pain. REALITY IS ACCEPTANCE." .Another good friend of mine, Jo, said that I was right when I said the reality is SAD. She reasoned out, "Although I have my family and friends around me, I sometimes feel happy. Still, it turns to loneliness, thinking that I lack something as a being." Then my other friend, Nelly, added, "Reality is what you feel genuine. It is the way you feel pain, love, and happiness. Everything they said was similar to mine. Reality is the life that we are living in because we won the very first race we entered - the race to life, so we don't have a choice but to live, and that's one of the saddest realities. We live for whatever is given, cry for whatever pains us, laugh for whatever makes us happy, and sometimes just accept whatever goes with the flow of neglecting our 'what if's and 'how about's' in life. On the other hand, people who want to escape from life's reality would love to be on the ship of life getting drunk or to have an out-of-nowhere-mind to swim away from the ocean of truths but still ending up floating on the ocean. This thought might be offending but in life's reality, every person has his/her favorite - in a circle of friends, in a class, and even in a family. No matter what people say about loving and caring fairly, there will always be this favorite one that will have a spot in somebody's life. This is because the heart and mind of a person will always seek the truth - genuine love, care, and happiness. It will always be from that favorite person. It may be disappointing but we are that same person in somebody else's life. In most times, the reality is personified. Reality can be your mother that will scold you for being wrong or your teacher that will speak to you when you misbehave in class. Our imperfections introduced us to reality. Imperfection grows as we also grow and it changes us from time to time. After all, this is just A THOUGHT ABOUT REALITY. Everything we feel will always depend on us. It depends on how we handle life's reality. You may just laugh at it or cry why it existed. It depends on you to create your reality whether it might be sad or happy. Happy Wednesday Everyone 💜 Fyangzee24 xoxo Lead image from Google

@Fyangzee24 10 August 2021

A Precious Gift The most interesting feature of my life is when a little angel came into me, guided me on the right path, and transformed my sinful spirit to form a positive outlook of life. I was about sixteen years old when I enjoyed involving in different immoral habits. Instead of attending my class, I used to cut off just to be with my peers and of course with my special someone, "Jake." We often spend our time on beaches and in disco bars, drinking alcoholic beverages, smoking cigarettes, and sometimes using marijuana. It seemed that these things were my medicines in curing the pain and scars of my life. I was a daughter of a well-known family and we belong to high-class society. They always told me that I was lucky because I could buy luxury pieces of jewelry, new gadgets, and anything. "Yes!" I was totally lucky because I belong to a high standard of living, but the worst thing was my parents did not care about me. They didn't have time rather think of me. They were already separated. That is why I hated the most and this hatred pushed me to track in the wrong path and let myself be covered by the darkness. It was Friday night when Jake invited me in celebrating his 18th birthday. Of course, as usual, we got drunk. Until the lure of the night entrapped us to the world of temptation. It seemed that the cold breeze pushed us to a romantic situation. Everything happened that night. "Jake, I'm pregnant!" I confronted him as I met him at school. "What? Are you serious?" he confusingly asked me. "I'm not kidding, I wish I was but... Everything happened that night! I don't know how to handle this situation, so please you've got to help me!" "Sorry, but I'm too young for this thing! Just try to abort that... that...baby!" Upon hearing those words my dreadful tears started to fell. I never expected that moment. It completely broke my heart and ruined my life. So I ran away... ran away from him, to let myself free imprisoned by his soul. That situation brought me more questions. How can I change my life? How can I mend my future? should I get rid of this? I was too blind to letting myself wrapped and conquered by hatred. I was too deaf for I neglected the call of God. I was too damn that I let myself think that my parents did not care about me. I'm lost... my spirit lost. I could feel my external essence slipping away. That horror time of my life awakened my sleeping mindset. After those painful experiences, I began to change my life. I asked forgiveness from my parents and to God. Then suddenly my sinful soul was released from the darkness. All my tears changed into laughter as I started the gift of my life, my "baby" my little angel who rapidly changed and relieved the scars of my life. By his existence, he led me on a new path and transformed me into a new one. Lead image from Google Hello! I wanted to say "Thank you" to @Willtravis I was greatly inspired by your article, God gave me a Gift. I hope everybody can find the gift that God has given us. Happy reading 😊 xoxo <3

@Fyangzee24 9 August 2021

POETRY and other beautiful things Poetry often comes with the word "CREATE". I have discovered my love for poetry when I was in high school, and I started with a very dark piece. During those times, I felt so isolated, I was lonely, and I thought I was ready to leave everything behind. It was as if I'm surrounded by complete darkness and absolute depression. There was a feeling of numbness and emptiness, but I felt so heavy and I was in pain. Everything was confusing. My depression was an effect of peer pressure and mostly the grade standards of my parents. I tried too hard to belong in a group in a community. Of course, as a child of my parents, I felt obliged to make them happy and proud, and all I can say is that I failed. I saw myself the way my mother saw me: a frustration, a disappointment, and all other words similar to that. Until one day, I held a pen and things just happened; the lines of pure sadness, those rhyming words filled with anger, and stanzas of regrets came out like some masterpiece. And for once, I felt happy and alive. So, I wrote and scribbled almost every day, to the point it became one of my habits. More like breathing, really. I discovered several metaphors and I created some. Poetry helped me face my fears. It made me realize that, although I will probably reminisce, it does not mean that I should keep mourning about it. Poetry became my comfort zone. It made me travel to places I never knew existed. It made me reach the stars and touch the moon's surface. It helped me find myself. Poetry is also about open-mindedness. At first, I wrote about healing, after that I talked about love. Sometimes I scribbled about lust and why is it not always a bad thing. Poems are works of art and art shall not always be taken literally. Some are abstract and vague. Others have crystal clear meanings. I may talk about the ocean and how I let myself drown. But I am not planning on killing myself. You might have read the phrase " the opening of the bud", and I'm telling you it is not about a real flower and how it blossomed. The thing is, poetry is deeper than how you thought it was. You might think you have fathomed the idea (maybe you did), but there will be always something more. There will be always something more than the stitches of a worn-out shirt. There is so much than the chaos in the fields and the peace among the labyrinth. Just like you. You are so much more than creation with a heartbeat. You have more purpose than you think you have. YOU ARE SO MORE. Poetry is science. It might have more atoms than you have in your body. It might be the reason why there is gravity. It can also be the reason why you stay afloat. In poetry, there are no boundaries, no limitations, no margins. In writing, there will always be hope as much as there are formulas in physics. Metaphors can let you walk in the ocean, fly without wings, and fix the plate you shattered. Poetry is a never-ending universe. It is like putting unequal weights on a scale, and still gain balance. To write is to walk on an unfamiliar road without the fear of getting lost. To write is being blind but still having the ability to see. To write is to create a beautiful masterpiece using a thin paintbrush. To write is to be complete once again when you thought you can never be fixed. Poetry is a good doctor. The one who made your sufferings stop. The one who sliced open your chest and broke your ribs only to make your heart beat once again. Poetry is a navigator. The one who guided you to withstand the storm. The one that gave you the right directions when you have almost given up walking back home. Poetry is many things. And lastly, poetry is poetry itself. It might be flawed in its structure, but it will always speak perfectly to the few who believe. Because when I thought it was finally the time for my life to end, it helped me see and start a new beginning. Let poetry heal you like how it saved me. And if doesn't, then find something that can or someone can. How about you? How did poetry make an impact on you? I love to see your comments ☺ Lead image from unsplash.

@Fyangzee24 6 August 2021

To Love ain't easy... Lately, I found myself sitting near the shore to find peace of mind and to relax. I noticed that the waves were wild and noisy. It reminds me of something, Ah! my failure love life in the past. Life is not easy... you have to be wrong, to know what is right; stumble to persevere, hurt to be stronger; fall to rise again; lose to try harder and love to pursue them all. When life gets difficult when tasks become tiring when you're about to give up, remember that the snail got to Noah's ark inch by inch. Love will leave your heart like shattered glass when it fails. Some of us, fail to work it out, not because we did not do our best but simply because we are not for each other, or rather not all people who pass in your life are unmeant for you. Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything counts can be counted. Oftentimes, I ask myself "Why is it was always hurt by the one we love and always loved by the person whom we didn't love? The sad thing is, though we choose the one who loves us... our hearts still long for the one who hurt us. GOODBYE? It is really painful to say this word to someone you don't want to let go of, but it is more painful we ask them to stay and we can never make it out the way it should be... and especially if we find out that, they'll be happier if we let them go. It is always better to have found the courage to love, even if you lose in the end rather than never finding love because you were too afraid to face its challenge. Forgetting is not easy but we always try to start all over again. You may be alone but don't let go of God's hand for when you hold on, He may be holding a special person, on the other hand, to let you hold each other at the right time. All things in life are not meant to last, seasons change and so people do, you can never hold on to something forever. So! Take good care of the person whom you love and give space and time, for time is the ingredient that keeps true love alive despite the hectic schedule. Never tell lies or attempt to hurt them because you don't know how important they are until they are out of your life. Love deeply and passionately, you might get hurt but it's the way to live your life completely. So, when life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show that you have a million to smile. Keep smiling and enjoy life no matter how bad it may seem. I want to say THANK YOU to my sponsors. You people helped me grow little by little. I am truly inspired with your works and your upvotes. I will not fail your trust in me and I promise to do my best in this platform. Someday soon, I'm going to give back the generosity you gave me to others 💜 @Zhyne06 , @Eunoia, @Momentswithmatti , @Eylz2021 THANK YOU SO MUCH 😇💜

@Fyangzee24 4 August 2021

Orange Marmalade Sometimes, we feel like we aren't enough; like our presence cannot suffice someone's ultimate longing for another, that no matter how much we get worn out just to fill the void in someone's heart, nothing will change. Sometimes, we can think that the whole world is going against us, being left, wondering what happened? And why the world blew our dreams away with the wind and with tears escaping. Sometimes, no—most of the time, we feel worthless, that even hearing the word 'less' itself would always leave our hearts shattered in pieces. In a world filled with hypocrisy, we tend to hide the scars that dwell in the depths of our skins. We bleach the stains embedded in the details of our clothes. And we cover and clothe ourselves with corduroys, to hide them from the blazing eyes of judgmental beholders. That's the cruel episode of reality, the bars we have been confined and constrained with. We stand for different perspectives, notions, and beliefs, one by one, strand by strand, and blood by blood. We can never force and manipulate people to think the way we do. We can never force them to look at us with love, or at the very least, with bond, with memories tied up; because we are always and only looked upon with pith to be traced in the reflection of their eyes. Being named with names must have been a cliché for us already that breaking down isn't our thing anymore. Nevertheless, fortunately, how could people be being provoked by sharp eyes and murderous tongues live a life with the absence of grudges and resentments? How could people rise after falling so badly, with knives flicked on the ground, and mud pulling you forcefully down to the core of the earth? And how could people become so strong, enough to break the gravitational law, and fly? Because finally, we can all be orange marmalade. Who could have known that the things we would rather hide and throw away, the peelings of these oranges, could be the main ingredient for such a rich and stimulating recipe? Because it's the scars and the stains that make us whole and perfect. And it's the peelings of these oranges, the useless one, that spiced up its life and made it more beautiful and unfathomable. Just like how orange marmalade paint ear-to-ear smiles to people's faces, who have come to indulge with its taste and aroma, the same way we could make the people who love and care for us beyond happy. We often think of all the struggles that had come along the way, but recovering them after a letdown is self-rewarding. Beauty isn't only skin deep. Orange marmalade only proved to us that scarless or scarred we may be, we still can be beautiful, or maybe, even more, and more and more beautiful.

@Fyangzee24 3 August 2021

Remember not to disremember Going out of your comfort zone is one of the courageous things you can do. Fearlessly facing the obstacles of everyday life hassle is somewhat a never-ending cycle for a person who is continually striving for survival. Intuition is vital. Yet without rationality, a man cannot move forward towards his desired aspirations. With immediate knowledge, you can simply choose what course would you like to enroll in when you enter college. But when several factors are being out on your plate, that's where this rationality would take place. Due to these factors, you weigh everything down and consequently choose the option you think would help you reach your ultimate goal but of course, with tons of sacrifices, struggles, and experiences. In a country wherein acquiring a college diploma is a necessity for applying for work in the future, the youth of today, including you, has already voluntarily (or the other way around) chosen what oath would you like to navigate to. As a student, you have two common options: sacrifice proximity from your family with a constant battle between going home or staying and finishing your academic demands or study within your vicinity with your persons and constantly think about the could've beens if you're only equipped with enough resources to study in a different place. Whichever situation you are in, you have already laid out your sacrifices. You may belong to the latter or not but you are still that student who worries whether his efforts are adequately sufficient to reach the cut-off grade. You are still that student who skips meals and who has an unhealthy sleeping pattern to pass tomorrow's exam. You are still that student who mourns his failures behind closed doors. You are still the student who pats his own back when he failed a certain quiz and wipes his tears for the hope of fighting and becoming better the next time. Nonetheless, the above-mentioned struggles can't come close to the fact that you're already here. You are closer to your dreams than ever before. You proved to yourself that you are capable of the things which you first thought you can't do. College may not be as easy as writing straight or cursive lines just like what you did when you were in elementary but you discovered with upon dealing with complex mathematical problems and even handled the technicality of the English language. Along with the ascending level of your educational attainments comes your maturity. You are already aware that there's more to fill the attendance sheet in every subject. What you are doing now is not solely for your personal needs and satisfaction. Conceivably, the value of education can help your family in any aspect or to some extent, your country as well. Ditto, sacrificing your family time for the purpose of helping it in the future is already rewarding. Nobody can ever decipher what longing means yet, you are in the middle of it, adjusting as to how far and how deep it will take you. As you happen to read this article, perhaps you are about to face your final exam or you are already one exam away from going home. Bear in mind that you did great this semester. You chose the battlefield over your comfort zone. You practice rationality along with your intuiti,on. Even though circumstances can be dreadful, you chose to find hope amidst complicacy. Persevere as hard as you can. You will never know one day that what you are dreaming of a long time ago is already a reality right in front of you. Calling this a cliché as it may seem but education is your key to success. *Padayon sa imong puhon.*

@Fyangzee24 16 June 2021

Bad Habits I always believe in this famous mantra, "Never put off until tomorrow, what can be done today." I admit that I am just a believer without an action. When I have a task to do, I always tend to be lazy or delay it a little bit especially if I'm not that interested. I do other things that aren't important that make use of my time until there is no left time for me to do the things I should have done. Then I slowly pull myself to work on it to meet an agreed schedule. But when I start doing it, there's no stopping me to complete it. I often try to give my best. I hate cramming my work because it doesn't give any good output but the fact that I always do my tasks very late, sometimes I do it really quickly but I still manage to be careful and be creative with my work. It's the same as when I write. I write best when I'm very sad or up in the clouds shouting for joy. The theme depends on my emotions. I could even relate myself to scenarios I've never been to and I'll try to make a story out of it. There's no middle ground. I don't force myself to write when I don't feel like it, but when my mind overtakes and controls my hands, there's no stopping me too to complete my craft. It's just annoying to think to waste a day without having a composition. I have been writing essays and short stories for a long time but I can't seem to have consistency on it because of my bad habits. Maybe it's my personality that really plays a big part in why I tend to hurt and be annoyed with myself more. Because I've adopted this habit when I like someone. And no one is an exception. I've always wanted to take it slow from the start but once I fell in love, there's no middle ground. I give everything from—time, attention, and affection. Just like what I gave to the last person I fell in love with. Honesty and respect are not some things to be asked for, for I'm giving all unselfishly, trusting that I'll get the same in return. I'm being generous and considerate when it comes to the people I love. So when I come undone because of the tedious setbacks and then serious long consolation, I'm always the one to break easily. It's always the heart that feels the heartbreak when it was our brain that does all the decisions. It's too fragile to break but we are all destined to break someone or be broken by someone. I don't know which is much hurtful. I'm always the one who's badly hurt after the break up just like how I'm supposed to feel right now. I'm always the one who chases and still traces too far gone shadows and it never gets easier. I will always be the one chasing after every memory that's been left. I always think of the two ghosts casually sitting on a bench with hearts as one. I'm always the one who longs for another try, even if it is clear to me that someone had finally said goodbye. I always represent goodbyes to sunsets. I don't want to think that every ending is sad, it should be perfect, golden, and magical. If something ends, probably there'll be another good thing that will come. If these bad habits, make people tend to hardly stay by my side, then how much pain I need to endure since I can't lose these bad habits.

@Fyangzee24 12 June 2021

An Affair with a Married Man One of the most extraordinary Korean dramas I watched about having love affairs with married people is "The World of the Married." It tells about a woman, who struggled a lot when she found out that her husband had an affair with a young lady. Not only that made her life miserable, but that's also when she knew that the people whom she considered friends betrayed her because they knew the affair of her husband and yet no one told her about it. That's why I grew up hating all those uncontented people. Why would they ever get married if they're still planning to find someone in the future? I was raised by a single mom who's now living with her new husband. It's not a problem for me since Tito Aga is so good to me. He treated me like his own daughter. As for my real father, he died a long time ago due to a car accident. I was very young then, that I was not able to see my dad. I saw his pictures when I was young, but when mom gets married, we left all the things that remind us of dad in our old house and moved to Tito Aga's place. I worked as a real estate agent. Even so, I still live with my parents. I received a call from the office that someone is interested in the flats we are selling. So I hurriedly prepared myself. As a presenter, I should look clean and inviting to the customers. I chose to wear a fitted skirt topped with a pale pink cardigan. There, I saw an epitome of beauty that I truly love, myself. I saw my mom and dad in the living room watching the news. I smiled as I walked them by. I hope I could find the love they have for each other. I rode into my Audi and drove to my destination. I went early from the expected time of the meeting. I composed myself, I felt a little bit nervous for no reason today. I am not supposed to feel this because I'm already a pro in this field in my five years of service. From the second floor, where I'm standing, I saw a Bugatti Divo parked near my car. From the way I see it, I could tell this customer is big time. I can't help but grin from ear to ear. "You must be Mr. Rhodes? I am Katrina Velozo, and I will guide you to your new home." I held my hand to Mr. Rhodes and lead the way to the flat. He's in his early 40's tall and a good-looking man. He roamed around the room and I did all my best I could to sales talk him so he would buy the flat. "What do you think of this, Ms. Velozo?" His voice is deep that I can't seem to react. "This is perfect. Anybody that could live here will feel the contentment and satisfaction in life." "Are you going to move in with your wife here, sir?" I was facing his nicely built shoulders then he looked at me when I asked him. "I don't have anybody to move in with me. Unless you want." I know it's just a mere joke but why does it sound different to me? I was left dumbfounded by that note. In the end, the deal was good and I got my commission to it. I remembered the spare key of the house that he gave me earlier. What was it supposed to say? I thought that was the last time that I will see him. He comes to my workplace one day to get them the contract and he invited me for lunch. I was so drawn to him that I spent the whole day with him. We spent, bar hopping, going from one place to another, and our last stop in his flat. There I made love to the person I'm least expected to fall for. We have 16 years of an age gap. But it doesn't matter, what I feel for him is genuine. I kept my relationship with him from my parents. We secretly see each other. It's been five months since I met him. I'm having the time of my life when I'm with him. he gives me everything. Even if I'm not asking. "Love, I want you to meet my parents." He did not make a sound but instead, he hugged me tightly. I pulled the blanket that covers my body and faces him. "Please?" I looked straight into his eyes, and when he met my gaze, he kissed me passionately. "Sure my love" The next day, I prepared everything in the house. I even talked about it to my parents. They are excited to meet him too. I understand why Edward is hesitating to meet my family it's because of our age gap. I am not ashamed of being in a relationship with a man much older than me. I'm excited, overwhelmed, and nervous. He's supposed to be here at 6 pm for our dinner but he's not yet here. I tried calling him but I can't reach his call. I'm getting annoyed thinking that Eduard is going to stood me up. I've sent messages already but I got no replies. I decided to go to his flat. But no one is home. I saw an invitation card in the drawer near the bed. I went immediately to the party. To my surprise, it was not any kind of party. It's a party of multi-millionaires. I feel pity for myself. Why did he not bring me? Why did he stood me and my family? We're not on the same level but I somehow know my worth. I was about to leave when I saw a familiar face going out of the main door. I saw him with a wide grin on his face. He looked so expensive and elegant. He's perfect in my eyes except for the woman clinging in his arms. I stand close enough for him to see. And there he met my teary eyes. I read his lips as he said something to the woman beside him, "Wait a minute Hon, I need to give tip to the staff. My heart is tampered with, beaten, and torn into pieces. He grabbed me by the wrist, he did not even notice the tears that are slowly escaping from my eyes. "What are you doing here?" "Who is she?" "Look Kat, let's talk about this when I get home. Wait for me there." "No. Answer me" "She... She's my wife. I'm sorry" Then he left. I was so shocked. I couldn't even move my body. He lied to me. Tears are uncontrollably escaping from my eyes. Are you gonna condemn a woman who became a mistress without her knowing? Are you gonna hit me with a stone for bearing the child of the mistake I did not know? Who would've thought I'd became a mistress myself? Who's going to save someone who is condemned for the mistake she did not know? If I only knew love is hurtful like this, I should have not given love a chance to myself. They said love is for everyone, but I guess it's not for me...

@Fyangzee24 11 June 2021

You'll never know what you have till you lose it. And once you lose it, you'll never get it back. Sweet dreams ❤

@Fyangzee24 11 June 2021

Jamais vu The moment I opened my eyes while lying in the hospital bed, I couldn't get a glimpse of the happenings in the past. I can hear people shouting, moving cars, and awkward silence. I can feel the tightness of the bandage in my head and my body is too numb to feel it. "You're awake!" I can see the happiness in my mother's eyes. I lurked around to see the unfamiliar room the uncommon scent I smelled and all the minor tubes attached to my left hand. My mouth is too weak to say a word. I wanted to ask my mother, where is my husband? A few moments two people went inside the room. I couldn't recognize it at first but when it became clear to me, I saw the smiling face of my father. The other one sits on the couch. I couldn't see its face but I can hear her sobbing. I closed my eyes to remember everything that had happened. I remembered I was in the car when it crashed because somebody shoved it and I fell on the river. I remembered how my sister took my husband and my husband cheated on me. I remembered all the pain and suffering. A tear escaped from my eyes. I felt the hands of my mother as she squeezed my right hand. "Be strong. I will not let them take you away from me." I know I'm too weak to understand, but what does that mean? Did my step-sister try to kill me? Is this all because of her? I need to be strong and take back what is mine. After a month of medication, I am now ready for discharge. It's just always my mother, father, and brother with me in the hospital. I wonder where is my step-sister now? I don't bother asking my dad, since she's also his daughter, because probably he doesn't know either. I wanted to know where is my husband. I trying to pick up bit by bit the broken pieces of my heart while he is with my sister. The pain gave me a lot of trauma. I understand why does my family doesn't ask too many questions because they knew the pain I'm suffering. "Mom, where is my phone?" "The rescue was not able to find it. Perhaps it went ashore when you fell in the river." My head stings. She runs to me and slowly steered me on the couch. For a moment, I saw my husband's face. I was not able to control myself so I cried my heart out. I felt the pain coming from the core of my veins. The pain is unbearable. I had given up all my life for my husband. But, he cheated on me with my sister. I was an artist. I always wanted to go to Italy and pursue my passion but Dominic doesn't want me to go. So I stopped pursuing my dream and I became an office worker. Three years of togetherness and we had the share of love and care for each other. This year we are planning to make our family complete. I was having a complete rest as suggested by our doctor. Until Hannah came, my step-sister from my father's side. She is sweet, caring, and loving. Little did I know, she creeps into my husband like a little snake. She owns a business in Singapore but she decided to close it down to live permanently in the Philippines with us. If only I knew she would betray me, I should have not helped her to settle her unfinished business so she could travel easily. We became close to each other despite being apart for a long time. This second life probably has a reason why God granted it to me. I decided to live just how was I before. I will try to move on from the past as it is best for all of us. My dad, mom, and my brother are now my sources of strength. We were happily eating our dinner when there is a sudden knock on the door. 'This is PNP, we are here to take Ms. Kristine dela Rosa for the murder case in Sto. niño Bridge' My father throws the warrant of arrest that they showed. What is this? What am I criminal?! Why should I bear all this? Aren't I was the one haunted and planned to killed by my step-sister? This is so unfair. I had no choice but to go with them. As they were dragging me outside the house and my head is aching again. I left my family in the house. I found myself sitting in a dark for-walled room with a single light at the center. I noticed a person across the long table. That when I know the interrogation and investigation begins. He asked me a lot of questions but I cannot answer because I don't have an answer. He is insisting that I killed my sister. "I did not kill my sister. She was the one who planned to kill me" "Do you perhaps suffer from amnesia?" "No, sir. I'm completely fine" "Miss Dela Rosa, how many years have you been married?" "Three years, sir." He scoffed. He threw papers in front of me. I was shocked by what I see. This is not real. I read it one by one and the rears in my eyes are uncontrollably flowing. Whose memories are these? I was never married. I owned a business in Singapore which I closed to stay in the Philippines. Oh my God! All along I thought I was the victim. That night, I overheard my sister going to her husband and I trailed her and I purposedly hit her car but I did not estimate that there could be other cars along the road that's why I fell off the bridge. Flashbacks keep flashing in my head. It's all clear now. I remembered all the bad things I've done. Is this what my mom means what she said to me the moment I wake up from the hospital? She knew that the police is after me. Why did I not remember this thing? I should have not woken up? With all the confessions I made, I was curious about one thing. "What happened to Dominic, sir?" He showed me a newspaper with the headline, "Man commits suicide after knowing the death of wife" I covered my mouth in disbelief and I fell to the floor. I couldn't believe it. I should have not woken up from that long sleep. I should've died in the river. Is this God's purpose for giving me a second life? To suffer and repent from the sins I made? Isn't erasing the memories, thinking I was the victim not enough to make me suffer? "Sir... take me. I'm willing to pay for my sins." Within close doors, they locked me up in a dark cold room. This probably is hell. Thank you @Zhyne06 mmy for the sponsorship, you did a lot for me already huhuhu 😢😘 @Eunoia baka naman hahaha 🤣 @TheRandomRewarder thank you for the everyday notice. Hoping you will give me more points 😁 Thank you so much ❤