If I was still that same girl...

It was Friday afternoon. I went straight to my favorite coffee shop before going homecoming from the school I just enrolled in. Coffee is my comfort zone.

I ordered my favorite, Blonde vanilla latte, and searched for a place to sit. There are not a lot of people in the shop since it's lunchtime. I decided to sit on the far side on the left corner. Perfect view for me. I can see the people and the vehicles outside. I got used to this seat because I'm a regular customer here.

“Hi, can I?” a baritone voice caught my attention. Familiar. Even the smell was very familiar. So, I looked at him.

It was him. The man I loved.

Loved.

“Yeah, sure.”

He sat across the table and now he is facing my direction. I felt a little bit of awkwardness so I looked around and there I saw the empty seats. I find him suspicious why did he choose to sit here.

For the past three years, this was the first time we ever saw each other again. Unplanned and definitely not destiny.

“How are you?” I remembered how I used to love his voice every time we spend the whole night talking over the phone.

I smiled, half-smiled rather, “I'm okay. Hmm feeling great actually”

Perhaps, if I was still that girl who cried just by the sight of his shadow and desperately begged him to come back to me, I could've done the same before he could ever sit in front of me.

But thanks God, I already learned my lesson. Everything was so clear for me.

“G-good to hear that.” He said as he slightly scratched the back of his head.

If I was still the girl who was so deeply in love with him, I would've smiled at him, because every time he does that, I find him cute.

But sorry, I'm not the same girl he knew anymore.

“How about you? Why are you here” I changed our topic.

Again, if I was still the girl who loved him, maybe I'm stammering right now. I recalled the time when he first noticed me, I was not so confident that time that I was not able to utter words properly to him, probably because my heart is jumping with joy inside.

But I'm not her anymore.

“There are so many things I missed here. That's why I came back” he said.

I sipped a bit of my coffee, forcing myself not to laugh in front of him. Perhaps, he missed fooling around?

If I was still the girl from 3 years ago, I could've been the happiest thinking that he's missing a lot in this coffee shop. I was somehow a part of his past in this coffee shop. He was the one who made me love coffee.

But I'm not. I'd rather be alone than to be with him.

“Oh, I see. So, are you gonna continue your studies around here?” I asked.

“Yes. I already enrolled in your school.”

I frowned at what he said, “How did you know to where school I'm enrolled in?”

“Ah that, I got the information from your best friend– Ira”

Ira.

My best friend.

I scoffed at what I heard. “She told you?”

He nodded his head. How numb of him.

“Let me correct you, she's my friend” then I smiled.

“But I thought—”

I cut him off, “That was before, Jake. Do you want me to tell you why? It is because—”

Before I could finish what I am trying to say, he cut me off, “Bree.” it was soft but there was stress in it.

Why? Guilty?

It is because of you.

I laughed, “Okay, okay. Sorry”

“No, I'm sorry.” He looked at me, directly to my eyes. “I am the one who should say sorry. I'm sorry, Bree”

I raised my eyebrows.

If I was still that girl, perhaps I already throw myself at him and hugged him tight telling him it was okay and we could start all over again.

But sorry, I'm not fragile anymore.

“You haven't even said your apology, but I already forgave you.”

Yes, you read it right. But, I cannot forget. The heart that has been damaged, makes the mind remember everything. I can still even recall how I begged for them. How I looked so desperate, just to make him come back to me. I almost died thinking how could they ever betray me when I never wronged them. Why of all people were my best friend and the man I love hurt me?

“Bree, I didn't mean it. I was wrong for hurting you.”

If I was still that same girl, maybe I'm already crying and give back my trust to him and be together with him again.

But I'm not.

“Anyway, that was three years ago,” I said.

“I want you back.” He directly said.

I was shocked, but I was able to compose myself back. “I was not the one who left, so I'm not gonna come back."

“Look, Bree. I'm here. I want the old us back”

If I was the same girl, perhaps I am the happiest girl in the whole world. No one ever compares to the feeling when the person whom you used to love comes back to you.

But I'm not. I'm already happy without him and I am keeping my peace this time.

“No, never again.”

He cheated, I moved on.

I stood up from my seat and left him without glancing back at him. This is happiness for me.

Lead image from Google.

:)