You changed my life the moment you walked into it. You were like sunshine on a rainy day. You made everything feel okay. And I’m thankful for that.
You have the kind of smile that can make anyone feel special. And I hate it. I want you to smile just for me. I want you to look at me as if I’m the one made for you. I want you to hold me in your arms as if there’s no tomorrow. I want you to see me as the one you’ll always love. Because that is how I see you. All I see is you. All I want is you. I want you just for me.
Remember the first time you saw me crying? Do you remember what you said? You said it’s okay to cry, to be sad. You said it’s okay not to be okay. You were there the whole time. You were trying to make me laugh and I did. You sang a song, my favorite song, and even though you have an awful voice, it was really awful, you still sang for me. You still did things just to make me happy. And from then on, I knew I fell for you.
It was like a dream. One day I met you and fell for you. And the best thing is you fell for me, too. But I woke up from that dream. I woke up and I realized I can’t be with you. And it’s not because I don’t love you enough. You are everything I ever wanted. As cliché as it may sound, it’s not you it’s me.
It is me that has doubts. It’s me, I’m scared. I’m scared of the past repeating itself. I’m scared that one day you won’t feel the same way. I’m scared that you will disappear. That’s why I’m the one leaving now. As much as I want to be with you, my mind is telling me no. It’s not your fault and it’s not my past lover’s fault.
It’s my fault that I can’t trust you again. It’s my fault that I can’t take another risk. I’m sorry but I can’t. I’ve been broken many times and yes, I survived, but just I can’t. I don’t want to risk anymore.
Before you, I was looking for love. And when love found me I wanted to look for another thing. I was looking for someone that will make me take risks again. I was looking for someone who can make me feel fearless.
You might not be that one but thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved because I almost forgot what love feels like. Thank you for bringing that smile to my face that I haven’t seen for a while. Thank you because for a moment, I felt like I was enough.
Thank you for loving me and I’m sorry, I’m scared.
Disclaimer: not related to my current status I'm In love people 😁 just random thoughts 😁
Lead image from Unsplash.
glad I read the last part too... hehe akala ko ung sa current relationship mo