Let's balance it: people-pleaser

Good day People, hope your day is going well. What about your weekend? Mine has been a work-full one, but no cause for alarm because it's part of me already.

Let me share this long piece of mine: People-pleaser.

How well do you know about people-pleaser? Once a victim? Or na, you are stone hearted? Lol. The truth is that, if truly your heart is functioning then it's inevitable.

People-pleasers are known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. While being kind and helpful is generally a good thing, going too far to please others can leave you feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, and anxious. 

What is a people pleaser?

People-pleasing involves putting someone else's needs ahead of your own. People-pleasers are highly attuned to others and are often seen as agreeable, helpful, and kind. However, people-pleasers may have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect. Source

Are you a victim of pleasing others?

I think we all fall in this category because in one way or the other, we've experienced it and we know how it feels.

Are you being smart and sharp on this? Like hell NO! You've not seen yourself pleasing others before. Okay, let me show you some signs that you might have done it

Here are some of the signs that you might be a people-pleaser

• You have a difficult time saying "no."

• You are preoccupied with what other people might think.

• You feel guilty when you do tell people "no."

• You fear that turning people down will make them think you are mean or selfish.

• You agree to things you don’t like or do things you don’t want to do.

• You struggle with feelings of low-self esteem.

• You want people to like you and feel that doing things for them will earn their approval.

• You’re always telling people you’re sorry.

• You take the blame even when something isn’t your fault.

• You never have any free time because you are always doing things for other people.

• You neglect your own needs in order to do things for others.

• You pretend to agree with people even though you feel differently.

People-pleasers tend to be good at tuning in to what others are feeling. They are also generally empathetic, thoughtful, and caring. These positive qualities may also come with a poor self-image, need to take control, or tendency to overachieve.

While people might describe you as a giver or generous person, when you're a people-pleaser, all of this work to keep others happy may leave you feeling drained and stressed.

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Causes of being a people-pleaser

In order to stop being a people-pleaser, it's important to understand some of the reasons why you might be engaging in this kind of behavior. There are a number of factors that might play a role, including:

• Poor self esteem: Sometimes people engage in people-pleasing behavior because they don't value their own desires and needs. Due to a lack of self-confidence, people-pleasers have a need for external validation, and they may feel that doing things for others will lead to approval and acceptance.

• Insecurity: In other cases, people might try to please others because they worry that other people won't like them if they don't go above and beyond to make them happy.

• Perfectionism: Sometimes people want everything to be "just so," including how other people think and feel. 

• Past experiences: Painful, difficult, or traumatic experiences may also play a role. People who have experienced abuse, for example, may try to please others and be as agreeable as possible in order to avoid triggering abusive behavior in others.

The motivation to help others can sometimes be a form of altruism. A person might genuinely want to make sure that other people have the help that they need. In other cases, people-pleasing can be a way to feel validated or liked. By making sure that people are happy, they feel as if they are useful and valued.

Bad results of being a people-pleaser

People-pleasing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being a concerned and caring person is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones. It becomes a problem, however, if you are trying to win approval in order to shore up weak self-esteem or if you are pursuing the happiness of others at the expense of your own emotional well-being.

If you are devoting all of your time to helping others in order to make them happy and win their approval, you might experience some of the following consequences.

Anger and Frustration: While you might actually enjoy helping, you are also bound to experience frustration when you are doing things reluctantly or out of obligation. These feelings can lead to a cycle of helping someone, feeling mad at them for taking advantage, and then feeling regretful or sorry for yourself.

Anxiety and Stress: Efforts to keep other people happy can stretch your own physical and mental resources too thin. Trying to manage it all can leave you plagued with stress and anxiety, which can have detrimental effects on your health.

Helping other people can actually have a number of mental health benefits.5 But not leaving time for yourself means you might end up experiencing the negative health consequences of excess stress.

Depleted Willpower: Devoting all of your energy and mental resources toward making sure that others are happy means you are less likely to have the resolve and willpower to tackle your own goals. Some research suggests that willpower and self-control may be limited resources. If you are using your mental resources to make sure that other people have what they want or need, it might mean that you simply have little left to devote to your own needs.

Lack of Authenticity: People-pleasers will often hide their own needs and preferences in order to accommodate other people. This can make it feel as if you are not living your life authentically—it may even leave you feeling as if you don’t know yourself at all.

Weaker Relationships: If you are putting all of your efforts into making sure that you meet other people's expectations, you may find yourself feeling resentful. While people might appreciate your giving nature, they may also begin to take your kindness and attentiveness for granted.

People may not even realize they are taking advantage of you. All they know is that you are always willing to lend a hand, so they have no doubt that you’ll show up whenever you're needed. What they may not see is how thin you are stretched and how overcommitted you might be.

Conclusion

Just like I ealier stated, we've all experienced people-pleasing and most of you are still experiencing it. It can't be totally avoided as we can't totally go away from helping our loved ones. You can only totally avoid it if you move to another planet without human being, maybe you'd end up pleasing the space features there. LOL.

Anyways, you can control it a bit when you decide to set boundaries, help when you feel like helping, set goals and priorities.

Thank you for taking your time to read this long epistle.❤️

I give credit to very well mind website.

16th October 2021