It's about trust.

Trust is the most important aspect for me when entering a relationship. It is the foundation for any relationship, either to your friends, to your children, or to special someone, without it, the relationship will be shaky and will fail eventually.

Sharing the story of my friend and his toxic relationship. Don't ever start a relationship if you're not willing to trust the person wholeheartedly.

I have a friend who's part of LGBTQ. We're friends for nine years already and he's close to my heart. We have each other through thick and thin. I remember when I was 25 yrs old, I was single back then, I told him that if I turn 30 and I'm still single we should be together and have a kid, obviously, nandiri sya hahahahaha. Let's call him Mr. J.

He used to enjoy life to the fullest. Going out to people he doesn't know just to have fun. Then he met this guy. Mr. J changed himself because of love. He shared his past, of course, so he can start a new life with that guy and that's the start of their toxic relationship.

I witnessed everything, his happiness, his pain, his sadness just because of that person. But there's nothing I can do because he's in love. Love is not blind, we see every red flag in a relationship, we just chose not to see, turn around, and ignore it. They're in a relationship for 9 yrs now..and sad to say it's a cycle... cycle of toxicity.

His partner is full of jealousy because he knew my friend's past. He wants everything under his control. When Mr. J and I were still in the same company, he got mad because my friend invited our OJT to his house.... with us. Yes, they're not alone, my ex-boyfriend and I was with them. Kaya it feel's like wala na sa lugar. He even blocked random officemates of us back then using Mr. J's facebook account. Parang di sya malaya makipag usap sa iba, kapag hindi gusto ng partner nya, wala, susunod lang sya.

We even had a conflict before because of his partner. He can't move without asking for his partner's permission, even going out to the mall with me, like hello? I'm a friend and hindi kami talo lol. When we went to Ilocos for a vacation, he got jealous just because Mr. J. keeps on talking to driver dahil nakikipagkwentuhan yung driver which is good naman para di sya makatulog while driving.

There's a lot of petty arguments that I witnessed in the past to the point that Mr. J stopped sharing their fights with me because for 9 years, I keep on giving advice, and as always hindi naman sya nakikinig haha. And their worst fight was last Feb 15. While we're having fun at the beach, Mr. J received a message from his partner, another argument as always. And there's a 13 yrs. kid involved hahahahaha. This is really the worst fight between them. That kiddo is also an ML player and same squad with Mr. J, they're talking to messenger like real friends and his partner opened and read the conversation then boom. He's mad because Mr. J is talking to that kid, hindi daw sila magkaibigan, magkalaro lang. He doesn't want Mr. J to explore the world. Once, may kausap na syang iba na hindi nya personally friend, never-ending fights. ;(

My friend visited me yesterday and we talked a lot while drinking. I am harsh to him yesterday because I really can't take the kashungahan anymore. For 9 years, paulit ulit na lang. So toxic that I want to slap Mr. J's face para magising sa katotohanan.

"Don't ask why he keeps on hurting you. Ask yourself why you're allowing him.., always." That's what I said yesterday. If wala ng tiawala sayo eh iwan mo na. For what pa ang relationship? Sayang panahon? Minsan dahil nanghihinayang tayo sa panahon eh nalalagpasan at di naten nakikita yung tamang tao para saten.

My thoughts?

Talking to someone outside your circle doesn't mean that you're cheating, but of course, you should know your boundaries. Life is short para magstay sa toxic relationship, and masyado malaki ang mundo, huwag nating paliitin dahil lang sa iisang tao. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you cannot talk to others anymore, that you cannot make new friends, personal or not. You should grow individually and as partners as well. That's why even if you have special someone in your life already, don't ever forget yourself, self-love is really important.

*Image fron Unsplash