Managing your emotions

Anger, grief, disappointment, and frustration are all emotions that everyone has felt at some point in their lives. Negative emotions, if not managed appropriately, can ruin a relationship, a career, and even a person's life. When we're stressed or upset, our body releases a hormone called cortisol, which makes us feel overwhelmed. Cortisol is the main physiological response to stress, which leads to heart racing, blood pressure, and breathing quickening. This, in turn, can make us feel angry.

As you know, your body's main mode of dealing with stress is to release cortisol, but it's normal to feel angry when under stress. What's important is to manage your emotions as soon as you realize they're escalating out of control. If you don't, it may lead you to make the wrong decisions about how to handle the situation.

Here is a skill I have learned to control my emotions over the years so that I can get the most out of life.

Imagine being able to compartmentalize your emotions into multiple rooms. The trick is to maintain distinct emotions in different rooms and never mix them together. For example, I may get a hang-up at work, but as soon I am away from the place of work, that room closes. It is the same with stress. At work, I may feel stressed because I'm multi-tasking, but once I get out of that stressful condition, I close the door. That is, as soon as I get up from working, I no longer feel stressed.

Most people make the mistake of bringing their emotions with them to all areas of their life. For example, they'll get frustrated with their spouse, children, or coworkers when they are on the way home from work. This is called catch-up and can be the source of a great deal of conflict. If you were to live like this, you would never be able to complete any task, get things done, or live a happy life.

I am a father to 4 kids, and you know how children can be nothing at times, causing you to be annoyed most of the time. When one of my children annoys me, I focus on that child alone and will not transfer the annoyance to my other kids. I have mastered how to treat every room with a neutral, and relaxed manner. The rooms are the situations and circumstances that arouse emotions. So, I don't pass over my emotions to other things or persons that are not connected to that room.

Maybe you're unhappy in a relationship, so you find it hard to concentrate on other things, including your job, family, and friends. The reason is simply that you are passing your negative feelings about your relationship to every compartment of your life. I know it's not easy to suppress emotions, and I don't suggest you try it. It may lead to a worse situation for you. The escape from this emotional trap is to learn to practice the 5 minutes rule in managing emotions.

The 5 minutes rule simply mean not holding on to a bad feeling for more than 5 minutes. Although I have not really timed it, I have learned to let every negative feeling die with the event or situation that triggered them. I just close that room and leave the negative feelings there. I will by no means forget that something happened or that I have a certain feeling, but I will not engage those emotions again and again. When you use the 5 minutes rule to manage your emotions, you're actually giving them a chance to die. So, if you're feeling frustrated and angry, then hold that emotion for 5 minutes. If you feel the urge to yell at someone in a store, walk away for 5 minutes.

Each time you do this, you'll feel a little better, and when you do this enough, you'll begin to realize that you have a better life. This is how you learn to be in control of your emotions. You give them a chance to die, and then you realize that you have more control over your life.

I've learned to switch my emotions quickly right from the time I got married. Most importantly, I've learned to avoid transferring emotion from one place to another. This ability has aided me in overcoming my failures in business and investing. It has helped me maintain an optimistic mindset. My wife also has learned to practice this skill, as well. So, there are two of us that avoid moving around the emotions from one compartment to another which has helped to improve our relationship a great deal.

We may disagree on some issues, but our negative feelings cease with the disagreement. We can gladly discuss what we are going to eat for dinner or have fun with our children the next minute. We can attend a conference in an energy-conserving way at the next minute. We can laugh at a funny video and joke about how many years we've been married that very minute. We may not agree on all things, but we can tolerate different points of view without being emotional. We can get along with the people we are related to. We can recognize our weaknesses and limitations, and we can correct them.

Final thoughts

Nothing has the power to make a person happy all of the time, and only you can decide if you want to be happy. If you decide to be happy, then try to practice this skill of no longer transferring your emotions from one compartment to another. You'll enjoy life more and find it much easier to cope with everyday life.

If you can manage your emotions, you'll be able to spend more time with your friends and family and experience greater fulfillment in your relationships.