What can we call a secret? A secret is any knowledge that is hidden and intended to be kept hidden.
It is important to note that in your relationship the way you handle secrets can either build it or destroy it. Secrets can and will ruin your relationship if not properly handled.
It is very wrong to meet someone and that same day, you start telling the person the story of your life without first trying to know how the person really feel about you. It is also a time bomb to be in a serious relationship and keep very sensitive information that might cause commotion a secret.
Having stated these facts, there are so many questions that comes to mind and I'll try to do justice to them.
1. How do you know you are keeping a secret? If the person you are keeping this information from knew about it, would he or she be angry? If the answer to this question is YES, then you are keeping a secret.
2. Why do we keep secrets? We keep secrets because we fear the impact it will have on us or in our relationship if revealed. The fear of being judged is another reason people keep secrets.
3. Is there a right or wrong time to share a secret?
The answer is YES there is.
Before spilling the beans, you have to check for the following to avoid chaos in or destruction of your relationship. Does your partner value you and the relationship? Is your partner matured enough to handle the information you are about to share?
If the answer to these questions is NO or you are UNSURE please do not spill yet.
Do not also spill the beans or reveal that secret when: Either of you is tired.
Ill Angry or stressed When there is already something else going on that's making your lives difficult. Make sure you're both well-fed, energized and haven't got any big commitments later that day just in case your partner needs time to process the information or are upset by it.
NOTE: do not use the excuse of finding the 'PERFECT MOMENT' to postpone or avoid coming clean. It is better your partner hears the truth from you, rather than finding out for themselves.
4. Is every secret worth sharing? It is important to remember that we are entitled to keep certain things to ourselves, especially if they don't directly have to do or affect another person.
For example, I can decide to keep the information about how I sorted to get my certificate a secret and it wont cause any damage to my relationship. This understanding will be helpful to those that have partners that are not really matured when it comes to handling matters or that are not very understanding.
However, there are things that shouldn't be kept secret. They include : Finance Job issues Illness [both physical and mental] Addictions Cheating /extra marital affair
EFFECTS OF SECRETS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
The ultimate effect is that it undermines trust,and we all know the healthiest relationship is built on mutual trust.
It could lead to the end of your relationship. You loose your peace.
In conclusion, if we want to enjoy our relationship, we should try to be as honest as possible as this helps to build integrity and trust. One of the things partners must understand is that nobody is perfect, but they both care enough about each other and their bond to be honest instead of keeping secrets, which is a powerful and very comforting to know. In all we do let's always remember that HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.
The stomach is not just for food, you ve to keep your secret.