Know yourself first...

May 25, 2021

Writing this article because I was inspired after I read the article of @jane Know Yourself Better than Anyone Else

After reading her article it made me wonder if I'm still the same person that I was before 2019. There are so many things that have changed ever since I came back here. Now, let me check if there is really a lot that has changed but one thing I know for sure, priorities do change in different situations.

I want to answer as well what @jane has discussed in her article.

So here are my likes and dislikes...

I hate it when.....

I hate it when my plan doesn't push through especially if I waste my time planning for something and then it will not push through. I hate it when someone promises me something and then that someone will just forget about that promise without saying anything. Yes, I'm still a kid when it comes to promises. I value promises and I make sure I don't break a promise that is why I hate it when someone breaks their promises too. I hate it when someone is using my things without asking my permission. I'm not greedy or selfish but one should always respect the owner, and that you should always ask permission before using anything that is not yours. I hate it when someone talks behind my back If you have an issue with me, talk to me directly and not with anyone else because talking with another person who is not involved in the issue won't solve anything, it will just create another problem. I hate it when people are lying just to cover up their mistakes or not to hurt the other person. For me, it is better to hurt me with the truth than to comfort me with lies.

I don't like someone who...

I don't like someone who is pretentious, who is a hypocrite. I don't like someone who is using other people just to get what they want. Someone who can hurt someone just to be able to do what they want. It's okay to be ambitious just don't use other people to reach that dream.

I don't like someone who is lazy, someone who is just depending on their siblings or with their parents, or with other people just to get through the day. I don't like someone who doesn't know the word responsibility. Because every people on earth have a responsibility to themselves and to the people around them. Don't be a pest to anybody because you are not an insect, you are a human being who can contribute something to make this place a little better every day.

I'm afraid...

I'm afraid of the zipline, don't ask me why because I too cannot answer that but I'm not afraid of heights. I can walk on a hanging bridge all alone by myself or can even do a skywalk but now zipline. And I did try to ride it three times already but only end up asking the crew to let me go. The first try was in MOA with one of my bestie, end up with all the people watching me begging the crew to let me go, it was really a humiliating experience because the person next to me is a mother and son, I think the kid is only about eight or nine years old and he was comforting me that its fun but I just can't do it. My second try was in Cebu with my boyfriend at that time, again everything was ready, I'm wearing a harness and all but then one of my friends said she will just treat us to a nice dinner just to have a pass on the zip line so I got another reason not to do it. The third time was went I went to Bali all by myself. I said to myself this time I'll really do it but end up not doing it and end up riding the big swing.

My greatest fear used to be the death of my mom, before I can't imagine myself losing her. I can't even imagine myself living without her. I'm not that close to my mom because i'm a Daddy's girl but when my Dad left I learned to depend on her, to the point that I can no longer imagine my life without her. Even if I left home and live somewhere for half a decade, the bond was still there. But after my mom left I learned that I can stand alone. That all along that I was not at home, it teaches me how to stronger alone.

My biggest regret is...

My biggest regret is that I don't know how to give it all. How to love fully without getting scared of what will tomorrow brings. I always think of what will happen to me if I said yes to this guy. Got three proposals from three different guys and yes, I said no to both of them. First reason why I said no its because we are still studying then, I was on my 3rd year college when my first love asked me to elope with him. I prioritize my study that time because I have a dream for myself and I thought what will he feed me when I elope with him. He is only just a college who doesnt have money. So, I said no to him. The second guy who asked me to marry him was an employee in comelec, we've been going out for 5 years already when he asked me. But I said no, why? Because I didn't feel secure enough that he can live up to my expectations. That he cannot provide for me. The third guy is well enough to give me a comfortable life but he decided to work abroad. We even agree that I'll follow him in Singapore. But guess what? I didn't follow him in Singapore because I was too comfortable of what I have here. If only I followed him there I'm now probably living in Virginia with him.

You see, after sometime I learned that you have to trust that the future will take care of itself. That you don't have to worry about tomorrow. That sometimes you also have to sacrifice something in order for you to get what you really want. Those are some lessons in life that i learned the hard way. You see being too comfortable with what you have makes you missed some opportunities.

I feel happy when...

I feel happy when I makes someone happy, when I helped someone. I feel happy sending small stuff to someone. I feel happy receiving messages from the people I love especially those people who are down under. I feel happy when friends remember me. I feel happy when i can treat my aunt with her favorite halo-halo. I feel happy when I travel with friends especially if we are going to the beach.

I feel happy when I'm seeing the market green especially when BCH is flying to the moon. I feel happy receiving $.01 from noise. I feel happy when Rusty visit my article. Simple things like that can make me smile.

But thinking of what makes me happy made me cry, I guess its because a big part of what makes me happy are now gone. And I miss making my mom happy, because that is what makes me happy the most, seeing my mom smiling, seeing her laugh with her grandkids, seeing her laugh with her friends that's what makes me happy the most and I think I'm still finding how to make myself really happy again.

Let's end it here now, I didn't expect that this part will make me cry. That I'm still finding myself after my mom left.

Thanks for reading guys. Just remember, If you are going to do something, give your all don't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself and It's alright to enjoy life but you also need to plan for your future.