Of course you can

Of course she's in love with him. His eyes, physique and confidence even when he cheats on her. Five years into a once upon a time happy marriage which soon jilted last year after she swallowed the camel into cocaine addiction.

Lola sniffes her cocaine feeling and at the same time clutching the emptiness inside of her. "Will I ever be happy again? She ponders letting a baffled chuckle as she cracks her knuckles.

Funny enough; most times it isn't the losses that teach but the way it ripples out in the future. It's raining outside and her husband is leaving for another woman, there's a plate of apple lying formless before her as she examines her situation and that of her beloved husband.

"There you are" he wails squeezing his chocolate face in disgust. "Sometimes I wonder how I ever imagined a life with an addict". His words had stopped getting through her since the day he cheated on her and if you ask her, she would say he turned her into what she is now because anytime she sniffs this stuff, the hole inside of her fills up with the emptiness of living although she wouldn't end her life just yet after two attempts.

For some reasons he still appeals to her eyes. His enchanting horroric voice and motion never for once stopped melting her spines even while he plods through the door to the arms of his concubine. "Someday he would change" her thoughts lingers, "How about you change first" her conscience cuts in making her sniffs the white stuff slowly but this time, with a burden in her heart.

Weakness makes us stronger because they make us stand up to ourselves. They diminishes our spirit, courses our soul into judgement and low self esteem yet if only we can listen to ourselves; that whisper within the noise and turbulent times then only we would know and understand why it is important for us to fall and fail just so we can sluggishly stand and learn the best thing that'll always happen to us, living itself.

Lola's heart and lips are in galore of words to fight back and redeem herself; her eyes streams wet and heavy making it hard for her lips to open so she stayed calm letting him pick the quarrel again, "You'll never change, will you" this time his face shriveled like that of a begger, his broad physique deafened in its weakness and for a moment, she could see through the windows of his heart that space and bond where she matters.

Most of our perceptions are other people's concept of us and Lola couldn't see it. "I'll never change" she thought because he said so, he believes so yet Lola needs to know that it doesn't matter what he thought of her because the only valid perception and concept remains the fact of what she thinks about herself.

If she thinks she can change, she will. Same way the opposite and Lola wants to live fully. She understands the Importance of worthiness yet that was a long time ago when her marriage still had a balance.

Now she's ashamed of herself of who she has become and it's so realistic why she'll never change unless she quits doing what her husband does: pointing the blame on someone for ones action. Yes, Andre is a cheat who blames his infidelity on his wife's addiction forgetting he had been a cheat even before she got caught up in drugs but back to Lola, Andre didn't make her an addict because that was a decision and choice only she could make.

We all have our own addiction just like Lola and Andre who blames Lola for being an addict but never for once considered himself a sex addict even when he's one.

But back to Lola because shame is all she feels. The shame of being something you're not so it causes her so much shame which in return comes with guilt, fear, blame and disconnection yet she might never know that in order for one to live fully and happily with oneself without the constant fear of not being enough, one must first of all own his or her story.

And this can be done by cultivating awareness of ones physical shame symptoms then react to that shame in a way that wouldn't increase ones shame.

This is a short story tangled with a simple message to Lola that in this life, we all come and go. We live and die yet all that'll be left of us will remain the story of ourselves we left behind. Don't you think it's high time Lola wakes up and face her story writing and editing it in ways that will inspire our children mostly our growing innocent daughters about love, addiction and marriage.

So let's come together and preach to Lola and every soul out there facing their demons that our story is about worthiness and embracing the imperfections that brings us courage, compassion and connection.

I think that's the most courageous act of mankind, thanks.