My childhood memories were not pleasant at all, it's a memory that I want to delete so I cannot hate the people involved in it. But we can never delete our memories, it is stored in our hippocampus (associated with episodic memory and recognition memory) and there are no ways to delete it unless we have amnesia.

If you happen to read my letter that I wrote intended for my mom, you will know I've had bad memories during childhood something that will make me feel sad remembering it, you can read it if you want, Dear Mom.

I didn't experience to enjoy my childhood

My childhood revolves around helping my mom taking care of my siblings, helping on the farm to gather food, endure bullying, etc.

I haven't had the chance to play in the playground, play with other kids, have fun and enjoy being a kid. I felt like my childhood was stolen from me.

I don't blame my mom for all of it too because she has to work on the farm to help my stepfather provide for our basic needs. We belong to the poorest of the poor and I am not ashamed to tell this to the world.

I didn't have even a single toy

During school days I envy my classmates that play with their paper dolls and real dolls or any kind of toys. I never had even one because we cannot afford to buy it, not just that my mom also didn't want me to play because I have to babysit my little siblings.

I remember before I escaping taking care of my little siblings, I think I was five that time and left my infant siblings at home because I played with our neighbor kids.

I was surprised somebody is hitting me with a stick, only to find out it was my mom and beat me when I got home because I left my infant sibling that was on the hammock (duyan).

I cannot blame myself for not being responsible because you know I am still a kid but got beaten for being a kid. I got a lot of responsibilities even at my young age that I don't have the right to play and enjoy.

Finally got a doll on my 22nd Birthday

It was on my 22nd birthday that I've got a doll as a gift from mom, you may think it's funny but I was so happy because she finally realized she never give me a toy or a doll before when I was a child.

I posted this one last September 16, 2014, and I am an Eybyoung already at that time 😂

This was the full picture of the doll and she's pretty.

Closing Thoughts

I was happy not because of the gift itself because I can buy it for myself if I ever wanted but by the thought of my mother giving it to me. It was a sign of a wager accepting that she was mistakenly treated me back then.

From then on I tried to move on and forgive her even if she didn't ask personally because I can see by her acts that she regretted what she did to me. That act of coping up was even proven when I got pregnant because she did try her best to support me emotionally and financially.

My childhood memories are not pleasant but it's not yet late to create better memories, and we are starting to create one, step by step.

It was a happy memory having a doll at 22 years old because it has a great story behind it!