Unspoken Dream: Marriage

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Written by

I am the contrary of my name...

2 years ago

Topics: Purpose, Stories, Self, Loss, Communication, ...

Well today I would like to talk about relationship and marriage. I have read an article regarding this but I decided not to tag the user for now because I am afraid I might be doing unnecessary tagging and I do not want to end up doing anything against the rules. I would have loved to share my thoughts to all the articles I have read and give credit to the user but forgive me coz I read as well that when you keep tagging people your account will be in trouble(?).

Anyway, how is your married life so far?

I am curious how does it feel to walk down the aisle wearing your dream bridal gown to be honest.

I keep on passing by those great boutiques around the metro and imagine myself wearing one. Yeah, imagine maybe I will only experience getting married in imagination but never in real life.

Who says I do not want to get married?

I wanted to but I am afraid. I am afraid to tie the knot and realize that the person I am with is not worth it. Not being married makes me feel that I can run away when conflict occurs but do not get me wrong, me and my partner have been together for couple of years and already have children but marriage seems to be a topic he keeps on avoiding.

One time, I was browsing Tiktok and I saw this video about a woman asking why a the man I am with did not marry me when we've been together for years?

Then that creator on tiktok gave 3 answers:

He might be saving and preparing to give you the wedding you dream of and that he think you deserve.

The next two is kinda painful so if you are on the same situation brace yourselves;

He is not yet ready. Maybe he has a lot of plans and being married is not part of it just yet. You might be together for years but he might not have that urge to walk down the aisle.
He likes the idea of not being tied up since you can be both wife and gf at the same time. The downside of living in before marriage.

All those answers are the possible reasons indeed as to why your partner is not mentioning anything about marriage. As for me, I tried to mention it to my partner once few weeks ago and I was shock with his response.

He said, "you have to wait for 5 more years".

I do not know if I should be happy because at least he has a plan or be sad because he is asking me to wait?

Unfortunately, our children is tagged as illigitimate since we are not bind by law but can I do anything? I do not want to push myself to someone who is not ready to make me a wife.

It hurts though coz when I spoke with my mom regarding the thought of marrying she told me to be wise instead and hopefully to choose what is right. She also shared that before my father married her both in civil and when found out that she was pregnant with me since I was the eldest, my papa then married her in church. My mom believes that if a guy really loves you he would do anything to give his last name to you despite being poor. She mentioned that way back my papa would look for bottles or anything in the dumpsite to have it sold to the junkshop then keep the earnings for their wedding, he is also a fisherman during the night and once he is at home he would sell "balot" as well and that was when he was able to marry my mom in church.

I just keep on asking myself, "Will I ever become a bride? "

I am almost 30, I would have loved to walk down the aisle young. I would have loved my children see me wearing a gown but well, I rather lift it all to our God. I am no perfect. Maybe this is the price I got to pay for having premarital sex but what can I do?

I have this mindset of observing the person first before marrying him. Also, we never had a budget back then but now if only we push for it I know we can. But again, I hate begging someone.