Karma of the Past: Dirty Secrets

These things that I am about to tell you is ruining me lil by lil so if you have unkind words to say please keep it. I wanted an advise not criticism.

Hi! I have promised to write something the other day but I failed. I have also been thinking wether to write this very personal matter that I have been trying to deal with for quite awhile now.

But maybe I have to let it all out for once and see if how you guys would react if say that you were experiencing the same. I would pretty much be needing more advice and insights as to what is best to do because every decision I am going to take would surely affect my daughters.

This is technically related to user @Glez article. It gave me a push to let it all out. The title of the article was something like "Mantra2: Bara y Bara".

Let us start from my Father's side. My Lola has a sister who is about to get married. Her fiance suddenly went cold on her and later did she knows the fiance dated their Mother. Yep, you read it right! So the fiance of my Lola's sister became their Step Father as they got married.

My great grandma was widowed and I really do not know how it happened. Though my great grandma and her husband have already died but my Lola's sister still has the bitterness and hatred despite the fact that she already has her own family. She cannot even talk to their youngest sibling who is the daughter of my great grandma and her ex-fiance.

Now let us move forward to my Mother's side.

Our people are brought up as family oriented. We give importance to those who are related to us by blood as they are our family. My Lola (My mother's mom) is way too generous. She let her siblings stay in their home and accepted them despite the struggle of day to day lives. My mom has 5 siblings and their parents were making a living through fishing and sewing. But these were not enough. Despite how they work hard because my Lolo or grandpa had a lot of vices!

From being a drunkards to going to clubs and gambling. As he arrived home (as what my mom told me) drunk and saw that the meal is not delicious he would throw it all away not minding that his children were unable to eat and would start to slap my Lola or punch her.

She had been a battered wife and I never can tell how she was able to survive that. I thought these were already the most painful but later did I know as what my mom told me, my Lola witnessed My grandpa and her sister having sex in one of their rooms. As martyr as she is, she just cried and asked for her sister to leave. Her sister though asked for forgiveness but she never forgave yet she still continued to be with my grandpa til she died.

As what my mom mentioned, whenever they urge my Lola to leave their Father she would always say NO. She told them that she will fulfill her promise in front of the altar when they got married.

"Through sickness and in health. Til death do us part".

Then my Aunt just confessed to my Mom that my Papa attempted to touch her. It was just once and it did not happen again but from that moment she became aloof to my father til he died years ago. My Papa was a good father but never a good husband. Though he did not hurt my mom physically but he had fair share of women and he also gambled.

Just that, my mom is not as dedicated to her promise as what her Mother did though she never really saw my father with other women but she informed my father that he can leave anytime. It caused my father to be paranoid and accused my mom on cheating but then it was all forgotten as my Papa got sick and he had mom to attend to him.

You see? My family history is a pain in the ass and were gross but why did I relate it to BARA Y BARA?

One day my sister went to me crying. It took her a couple of minutes before she told me what was going on.

I thought it was just some sort of a teenager emotional issue thingy about friends but when she started talking I wished I disappeared.

She told me that she once felt someone is touching her legs while asleep and when she woke up she saw my partner. Yes my partner.

At first, she neglected it because he said he was looking for something. Her room before does not have any door and someone could just get in since we put sme of our things in there. Our house were not big too.

But then just recently, it happened again. My mom already knew about it and told me to just stay calm and pray. Because these happenings were a KARMA to what our ancestors did previously and we have to fight for it with prayers. But what hurt me is knowing that my partner (live in partner), is attracted to my own sister and that my sister is in danger. I already faced him about this before which was the reason why he stayed away but I our kids kept on looking for him. We reconciled. I tried to pretend like nothing happened but it was traumatic. I was betrayed and til now it never felt good. This is what hurts the most because I have to consider my daughter's feelings. My mom though is observing him and right now we made our own house and my sister has her own room too with my brother and niece.

There should be no reason why he would go to the other house and get into my sister's room but if ever caught on act he better get his things ready because I will never back down and send him to jail. It hurts to be on this situation. When you do not have enough trust and you are always afraid. When I feel like every "iloveyou" is not true because if it is how dare he to set his desire to a different woman moreover to my sister.

It pains me. I want to scream. I want to just vanish but what about my daughter's? I have to be strong. I have to think as a mom and not as individual. I have kids to protect.

My greatest fear is what if, KARMA hits my daughter's too?

I am crying my heart out while typing this. How can I do this?

Can I ask for prayers please? Can you also tell me what should I do?

>>>>>>>>>>Expressionless and Her Pains<<<<<<<<<<<

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