Pain in Knowledge

Scream! Scream! Scream in pain,

Knowledge you will gain,

Add the excruciating migraine,

Thy mind has blown away.

Nevermind if you fail,

Don't be a prisoner in jail,

Stand strong as a hail,

This world is not a fairytale..

Feel free to voice what you feel,

Make your unworthy bashers kneel,

So what if they act like a bitch,

Be it, learn the lesson for you to teach.

Do anything for knowledge,

This is your path to pledge,

You will graduate in college,

You will succeed until the edge.

This really made me laugh! I'm sure that this poem was written in my darkest point in life. I was deleting pictures on my phone when I stumbled upon this. It's the files I took because papers that's been stocked under my bed was ruined when water flooded my room haha.

Have you noticed a rhythm on the first stanza? If yes, then you are awesome 😎 Try singing the first stanza along with the nursery rhyme "row, row, row your boat". You'll know :))

If my memories are right, I wrote this poem while on a break during my working period. Yes, I was a student assistant in my college years. In my second year in college perhaps? That would be in 2016.

On the poem, I could now vouch that I'm a twisted person. Just kidding, I'm simply in my emo phase during that time🥴 I'm in 2nd year college I guess? I'm full of bitterness. I suppose, I wrote it because I struggled a lot in school. I'm blessed to have an average IQ but the problem was, I'm too much of a grade conscious that I studied hard and didn't do it smart. I tried to do everything by myself, I don't fully rely on my team mates, when I can make the burden lighter if I just count in them. But you see I have reasons not to do so, if I don't do everything, I know that they won't do it. I'm not a good leader, I'm not their boss so I can't order them to make a perfect output for the team so I just do it alone. It's so complicated, I do it because they either won't do their part or present a very lacking report, but on the other hand, this made them rely to me and won't do their part knowing that it is me who is leading the team. Migraine has been mentioned in the poem, the reason was, my mind carries the burden of overworking. I'm overwhelmed with both schooling and working at the same time. I even have extra curricular activities like playing lawn tennis for the intramurals and doing my part as the business manager on our club. Oh well, those are the typically burdens of a student but atleast the overdosed knowledge I did back then has paid off. I can now confidently say that I'm brimming with basic knowledge on different subjects on general education and humanities.

Everyone experience failure at every turns of their life but we have two choices, either wallow in self pity and be a prisoner of that embarrassing fail, or either stand strong, dwell on the reason you fail, and start to improve the weakness you deemed to think. I'm sure that I'm half of both. There's a point where I almost gave up and considered to run away from everything but there are small hopes that provided light on that dim hall way. It's okay to wail and be imprisoned on self pity but we should not give up just because we failed. We would stand up but fail another time but this should not be the reason why stop to progress. Reality would slap you plenty of times but don't let yourself be buried on the dark cold tunnel, find joy in little things and do what you must without having regrets on the life you're blessed.

Have you ever experienced anhedonia? Then I'm sure your bottle is overflowing with stress. Stress is the other reason why I wrote such poem. I'm overwhelmed with stress that I express it in literature. I write and write but at some point, I don't care anymore. The once stress that put me on a foul mood won't even make me blink in surprise because I no longer have my expectations. We mature as we age and we gain wisdom with every experience we had. It's now just up to us on how to cope with it.

Another reason why the poem was written like that is because of my bitterness, as I mentioned earlier. I'm blessed to be born as I am but I can't stop myself from envying those students who has money to pay their tuition, who often eats on fancy restaurant, who goes to parties to mingle with friends. The reason why? Because they have the means for education and was seemingly enjoying life at the fullest. I'm not saying that those are the only circumstance that makes a human happy. It's more like blessed people who doesn't need to worry about tomorrow. I don't see any wrong on their lifetime but I somehow felt wronged when they waste money easily that someone like me needs to earn for. I also felt wronged when they have a full financial support in education but they're wasting the opportunity and indulging in their favorite pass times. That's the ugly part of me, a bitter human that was drawn to something she was not lucky with.

For the last stanza, I basically crawled in the mud just to finish my education :)) I know that my experience is not rare, yes, it's pretty common among us. Everyone has their unfortunates but this is how I tell you mine :))I wanted to give myself a pat on the back as the second to the last phrase in my poem had been successfully accomplished. I just hope that the last sentence "you will succeed until the edge" would soon be full filled. I'm now on my path to start this journey and I hope I could merryly achieve it without loosing myself on the path of money. Just kidding. Jokes are half meant, char.

Writing in impromptu, EvilWillow 🥴