Sorry for not being who I am for the rest of 2021.

Following the calendar's countdown for 2022, I felt pity for myself sometimes. There was within me that slept for a year now, there was persona inside me that wanted to emerge yet he think it was not the time. There was a soul inside me that said it's okay, even I know it's not.

Talking to self sometimes over imagine. How could be give something to yourself? Once did you ask yourself either in the mirror or just going to bed? Did he reply back to the question of yours “Are you just alright?” might be not because the person inside wasn’t fine, longing for something even he doesn't know, and I think it's normal.

Looking back at the past year, could you say to yourself that you had been true enough? Did you make the things that made you really happy? Did you do the things that you want the most? Enjoyed the activities you had or even felt magical for all the deals you had this 2021?.

Before the end of the year, I think I need to say sorry to myself. Not just me, maybe you could also try to say sorry for the things you did that maybe made others happy but ended you were not. Might be this time to say the apology that is necessary.

There was a moment where others says that before the new year might be the time where we should forgive and ask forgiveness for others. I remember my best friend in college was under something uncool. It's so personal that we choose not to talk after that. I am the kind of guy who has the power of not talking to the person who I am avoiding. It sounds childish but I choose to erase it and seem like not hearing anything.

During the new year that time, he said Happy New year and I realized that we were not talking or chatting with each other for a couple of months now. I said sorry, yeah I am the one who open up at first, then followed by him.

Realizing that made me aware that not only other people I owe my sorry but myself was. I think I am also too confident to please others yet I can't make it on my own. I think I am so tidy that seeing others happy is more comforting than giving myself a glance of simple happiness. It's not that I regret making others happy rather than myself, but it's that I owe an apology to myself for doing so.

Reminds me of the moment of planning something for myself, but in some instances my family needed cash and I just smiled and never mind the plan I had, even it was planned ahead of time. Had you been felt that way? The satisfaction of even just thinking of buying it, then being overwhelmed when you had the account to pay, then no brainer you cancelled it and never minded thinking of it again. I think I owe an apology for myself for doing so, and worst just forget that I wanted that thing badly.

Maybe it is also maturity, but I also think that apologizing to myself is also part of my growth. Because that is the reality of life, none of everything we want could happen, well of course if we are rich and could afford to do so maybe it could, but just a simple life I had I cant this time.

I apologized for the things I did to myself, sometimes I owe myself food. I chose not to eat for something not so important, I slept too late at night doing unnecessary things like watching movies or episodes that I promised just one episode ended three or four. I  apologized for smiling even it's not that I am.

Also, I had to apologize because maybe next year won't change that easily.

It's not my original nature to be a good person, I always say that. But time has changed and seen something or someone who needs help I can't help but do so, but also some of my nature is still presently doing its thing. I can't figure out how to change or counter it. That’s one thing I need to apologize for.

Not for myself alone, but for all of you. I owe you an apology for this year. Someone Might be hurt because of me, someone might get a bad trip because of me lol, I know one of her usernames is Expertwritter. We met virtually in the mid of the year so half of the year I annoyed her haha. Don’t worry, next year I won't. I won't promise to NOT annoy you again, it's my nature though lol.

Before the end of the year, I am now ready to apologize for my mistakes, I am now ready to say sorry and be sorry. For others and by myself. And for sure sorry because I know that next year won't change that easily, it will happen again and again, but I should limit that. I should give time to fulfil my desired plan and goals, I should be good for myself, I should eat on time, I shall try to sleep early. I shall return lol.

At this moment I want to wish you a Happy New year and I wish the next one will be filled with blessing and prosperity. 2022 will be a life-changer for all of us. Happy New year again and thanks for reading…