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My boss would probably nag at me later. All I have right now, are my emptied coffee cup, crumpled papers, and a blank word document. I struggled to type some words, but I only end up hitting backspace.
My fingers ran through my hair, followed by another exasperated sigh of despair. I have been so out of it since this morning, and no matter how I try to focus, my mind just shifts into different things. About my undone bed, my unfinished personal papers, my unopened emails. Mom's missed calls, and his text.
I could not get any proper sleep ever since the very hour he texted me. It has been four years since we last got in touch, and it was not a beautiful parting. Those times wwre lots of tears, of resentment, of missed chances. And mostly, regrets. Regrets that freakin' haunt me until now.
Hi, Lara. I am not sure if this is still your number. This is Ralph, and I just arrived here yesterday. Would you want to meet up?
My hands instinctively reached into the empty cup out of sudden anxiety. That simple text have gotten me insane already.
"Fudge, this sht's empty."
I lazily walked into the pantry to make a new cup of coffee, but the odds must love playing me today, out of all days. The coffee maker's out of beans, and my favorite creamer is nowhere to be found. I silently cursed and made my way out of the office to get something to drink.
I don't care if it's still working hours. I am not functioning well, anyway. I am getting some preaching later, anyway. Why not just fire me. All these thoughts are rummaging to my restless mind.
I found a lone, comfortable spot in my favorite coffee shop and I started typing again on my laptop while sipping my coffee. The rain has finally stopped and I can now see the view of the busy street through the glass walls.
"I want to go back,
And try the other way.
Where I'd choose to be that selfish girl
Who'll never let go.
What if I go back,
And chose to stay?
Would things make a good turn?
Why the heck did I let you go?"
I was distracted by the sudden opening of the cafe's doors. It's as if my world stop when I saw the familiar figure entering with a smile.
"You still look beautiful, love.
No even more than that,
I've always said that no words
Can describe how beautiful you are.
Wait, is that my glove?
The one that matches your favorite hat!
Oh, I remember our matching shorts
We once wore shamelessly in a bar."
Different set of hands wore my gloves now. It must be warm wearing those. I let my stupid self suffer as I stare at Ralph, along with his wife whose hands wear those beautifully hand-woven gloves. He is smiling ever so brightly, and it fcking hurts to know it ain't because of me.
His wife is gorgeous—Bea has always been. No matter what clothes she wear, whatever she does, she is always pretty. She has a beautiful heart, too. A perfect match for Ralph.
I saw them ordering, so I took my leave. I made sure they won't see me. How small the world is, for I saw him again, here at the place where I first met him. It seemed like lots of needles suddenly pierced into my heart as I went straight to home. I know I will be a mess if I continue working for the day. Let me just face the wrath of my boss tomorrow.
The next two hours were spent crying. How incredibly foolish of me to still hold on after four freakin' years. He is now happy—probably happier with the woman he married, while here I am, still looking at him from afar, still hurting myself with these stupid hope. I did not choose him, but I still expected him to.at least change his mind, and look for me. Lots of seasons already came and went, and none of my hopes were fulfilled.
Wow, Lara. After pushing him away like that, you expected him to stick with you? He is not stupid! You are!
"Supposed I held on to you
What could we be today?
Do you think we have gone to places
We planned to visit?
Only God knows how I miss you.
My regrets are pestering me today
I know with you I feel the safest.
I still love you with my every bit."
I really thought I am okay already. Just thinking about him as a wake up, and before sleeping, then end of story. That's how my days went, and I have gotten used to it. There was nothing I could do anyway. He went to marry Bea in the States and live with her there for good. I wonder what their purpose is, for coming back.
The doorbell rang, making me stop what I was writing. I looked into the time first, and was suddenly curious who visits a person as late as nine in the evening. It seems creepy and scary. Whew.
Maybe, the wine I drunk while working for a few hours now gave me some bit of courage to approach the door and see who it was.
I had to look into my door camera twice to make sure if it's really him.
"R-Ralph?" A really soft whisper came out of my lips.
My hands shook as I removed my hands from the knob as gently as possible. I am not here, yes. No one's here. The lights are just on, but I am outside, probably shopping. I mean, yeah, shopping at this time of the night is a trend now.
I slapped my face to get back into sense. I was suddenly filled with shock with his sudden appearance here. And to the best of my bad luck, my phone rang. Why the f was it not muted?! I ran into it in an attempt to mute it, but the caller's name shown on the screen surprised me. It's Ralph. Now, he knows that I use this number. Dang it.
I just let it rang because shutting it up would only mean someone in the supposedly empty home put it on silent mode.
After a few more rings, it finally stopped. He gave up, I guess. I peeked into the camera of my door and in the screen, I clearly saw him heaving a sigh. After that, he walked away. I finally could breathe. I let myself stay seated in front of the door to calm down. It must be the coffee earlier. I must lower my intake.
After what seemed like forever, I managed to gather some strength and stand up to close all the curtains before sleeping.
"Right! My umbrella.."
I went outside to fetch my umbrella that I left in a hurry. I am sure it would rain again tomorrow, so I must bring it. Better to bring some jacket, so I won't feel so cold—
"I guessed right, you're here."
My heartbeat almost skipped a bit upon hearing that familiar voice. My head slowly turned into the direction of his tall figure that was just a few walks away. How in the world.. Did he just wait there for more than an hour?!
Whoa there, what suddenly got into me that I started writing this nonsense? Forgive me for suddenly writing stories like this. Maybe it's because of the sad songs I heard earlier going home. Blame those, not me. (LOL!)
Are you up for a Part 2?
Honestly, I really planned to not write tonight, but here I am, finishing a half of the story like this one. I also wonder how everything will go. Suggestions? COMMENT DOWN! Okay, few minutes before 10, I gotta sleep.