Rainy weather, cloudy mind.

06.30.2023

The rainy season has officially visited our country since the past few weeks. It made waking up early harder for me, because the cold breeze is always calling for more blanket cuddles, not to mention I have lots of pillows that keep me warm and cozy.

I have mentioned before that I have a love-hate relationship with rain. I don't like going out while holding an umbrella, as I already have lots of things I carry. It's also inconvenient considering I don't have my own car, so I just commute whenever I go to work, or go shopping.

On the other hand, I appreciate the beauty of its presence, especially on days I don't feel good. The sounds of pouring rain does not specifically lift my mood up, but rain has a way of managing my emotions, especially when they're peaking, but I am too dumb to even express it properly.

I love how I can just sit in silence and adore the raindrops touching the glasses of the window I look at, they seem endless, yet satisfying. I also love how the atmosphere temporarily turns gray and a bit dark, but it does not feel sad at all, just... calmer and cozier.

I have watched a show recently where a group of singers went on a one week vacation to a place fully surrounded by nature.

To be honest, I am jealous. I really am. I am bewildered by how nature alone heals in its own way. The place is surrounded by beautiful trees, a lake or stream nearby where one can catch tadpoles, a nearby large water where one can go fishing. Lots of foods, too! One week worth of supplies to just cook all sorts of foods. I mean, this is the dream place for me! I won't ask for anything else, but a simple life like that.

Why did I mention this, though? There was an episode where it rained, and these people gathered to have a mini tea ceremony after the rain. The scenery is greener, and a bit moist, and the warmth of the tea made the overall ambience homely and comfortable.

I am also thrilled at having yummy soup dishes that warms the tummy (yes, we're rhyming!) or for others, a hot chocolate partnered with waffles, while listening to a somber music. It's gold... I am jealous of whoever has experienced this.

Personally, I am still in the stage of my life where relaxing and desiring a comfortable life like this is still a luxury. I have a long way to go, before I can confidently take week-long vacations, let alone travel to nice places even just for a day, just to enjoy time with myself.

When I have the capacity, I'd surely spoil myself with lots of time with nature. I'd make sure of that.

I spent the holiday doing things I knew I'd regret once the day ends. I want to turn back time and I wish I used the free hours for productive, sensible activities.

Instead, I watched videos on my phone, laid on bed all day, had lots of siesta, and just ate. I even spent money on ice cream and salty chips. I feel so guilty. I had a break, but it didn't seek like it.

The worst one is I wasn't able to give time for meditation. I told myself to be more mindful of the limited time I have everyday. And yet, when rest day comes, my body does the opposite. It slacks off, does nothing productive, and becomes really upset when day has ended.

There was an assigned Bible verse for me to study, but now I got very little time to reflect on it.

I'm doing my best so this won't happen ever again. If I want to bring out the best of my abilities, I should be more mindful of my actions next time.

These are the current thoughts I have in my mind as of now, lowkey—no, highkey wishing I have the luxury to enjoy life a bit better. Hoping I can get to this life soon. I'll work harder.

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Thanks for reading.

To God be the Glory.

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