Dear Diary, Hello!

01/17/2022

Hello, fellow readers and writers of read.cash! How is your day, so far?

It has been so many days since I've lst written here. It is really true that it feels like I am starting all over again. I honestly had some thoughts of not pursuing it anymore, but I know I'd regret making that big decision. I am trying hard to make myself write and share this to bring back the drive.

What happened today is a bit thrilling. Today's the last day I am relieving a colleague's job, for her quarantine has finished. Due to my two weeks activities, my own job has piled up, and just thinking about it makes me laugh. I also feel bad for the returning colleague because I feel that I have not done much, and her works are also piled up. Deadlines are approaching fast, and we still have a lot to catch up.

Office is a bit more quiet today. People are not going to work due to having symptoms. I thank God for protecting me from the virus. I hate this pandemic, really. It was really beyond my expectations, to live in a generation where a plandemic would exist. I can't imagine living majority of my years wearing a mask, facing restrictions, and always fearing for my health and my loved ones', as well. God, help this planet.

I despise people who do not care about the health measures. They're just given a little bit more freedom and instead of being grateful, they abuse it. Face shields are not required anymore, and some dumb people thought face masks are removed, too. Gatherings were allowed as long as protocols are followed, and uneducated , entitled folks though everything's normal again. Jeepneys are swarmed with people.

I am not one to force people to get vaccinated, because honestly, I still don't have my full trust and heart in it, (although I already got jabbed the vax and the booster), but please.. if you aren't jabbed yet, at least practice the right safety measures. Wear the mask, PROPERLY! Get isolated if needed, that won't kill you, to be quarantined for less than a month.

I felt the frustration of the students when they felt excited about the big possibility of the face to face classes coming to reality again, but due to a simple violation of a single person, this dream turned into a rock. If you are a Filipino like me, I am pretty sure you've heard about "Poblacion Girl." I am not gonna say more, because just the thought of her makes my blood boil. She's just one of the people who disregard everyone's well-being because of selfish desires and uneducated minds.

This has been a long day, and I am not gonna lie when I'll say that it's a bit of a happy day, still. I've heard some worrying news, yet, I feel confident that God will somehow make a way to make everything better soon. I hope this dark tunnel comes to an end.

If ever you're having a bad day, I hope you'll do what I did. It's a hobby I recently started, and still in the experiment stage. I tell myself positive affirmations, until I feel better. Moreover, I always try to do some breathing exercises, before sleeping. These activities help me feel good and relaxed before sleeping. I also feel proud to tell y'all that I have been sleeping earlier than 10pm these days. Just last night, I went to bed on 8:35 in the evening. It works wonders, really, those extra hours of sleep. And I am planning to continue these healthy habits until I get rid of these dark circles, LOL.

You know I am still under 30, yet, I feel like I look like one, due to my unhealthy deeds. I sleep late, overthink a lot, suppress my feelings, and even leave the things I love doing.

Music also helped me a lot, to cope with stress and exhaustion. I experienced back pain, again. Always. Thankfully, it only happened over the weekend. The whole of my back really ached. It affected my energy, and it also came with an upset stomach. I guess, the later's due to the contaminated water I drank. Urgh. I am sure it was mineral water, maybe the store was a scam. Thank God, I recovered before the work week began again.

This is the start of my streak (hopefully) and I will try my best-est to write and publish as often as I can. Truth be told, I don't feel like opening up, since last month. And by that, I mean, I can't find the will to share stuff I know, even stuff about me. Thus, it affected my motivation to write. There are really days I go like this. I just want to shut myself off from the world. But I know it should not stay like that forever. Therefore, with a hesitant step, I am walking into the light again, trying to open up, even I still don't feel like it. Wish me luck.

I can really go lots of days not talking to anyone, actually. I think others may find that a bad thing. That translates to comfort, at least, to me.

Thanks for always being here. I understand the reduction of engagement and sponsorships, because my inactivity made me undeserving, but I do hope that when I come back stronger, you guys will be there again. I am trying to understand myself, too. I hope for your understanding as well.

Until next time!

-Elle ♥️