Say no to comparison.

Just like I said in my previous post; my name is Tayire Dorcas and I'm actually a twin(that wasn't included in the first post though), but yeah; I'm a twin, my twin is a boy and he actually came out five hours before I did. He's brainy I must say, he's good at:

Keeping things for a long period of time.

Solving and teaching maths coupled with other science subjects and so much more I'll skip to mention.

He is good at all these, but I guess I'm just the complete opposite. Two flashbacks from the many times of comparison and I'll put my fingers down for a nap.

Report cards:

This was never really an easy one for me, during the end of every term, my classmates and I usually glance through our total percentage before heading back home, what they see in their report cards determines their happiness or sadness, it determines if they'll hurry home or if they'll want to stay back in school for awhile, to atleast prepare themselves for the lashes they'll receive. My brother was always the happy one, eager to go home, I was just a different version, his percentage was always superceding mine though I wasn't doing that bad, but my father, to be precised felt comparing my performance to that of my brother's was the best way to get me doing my best, although on some rare occasions, he showed appreciation towards my performance.

• Economics class.

This day was literally one of the worst days of my life. Economics class, being a general class comprising of Science, Commercial and Art students was represented by a teacher, let's call him Mr S. On this exact day Mr S was teaching on a topic I can't remember right now but what I vividly remember is that on that particular day I wasn't focused, my mind was divided, a question was thrown at me by him, but my tongue was stuck in my mouth, this made him start off with what looked like an advice and also a ridicule.

"See yourself, I wonder where you were when your mother was breastfeeding your brother, you are like a conductor in a bus, beckoning on passengers but you don't even know the direction to where you are going or your destination, your own is to just call people to sit inside the bus, can't you see your brother?, We know you're fine, but are you intelligent?"

These statements of his, made my classmates jeer up into laughter, my eyes were already moist but its' moisture actually made him multiply my woes, this act of his made the tears deepen. Oh!, How I wish I could perfectly remember all what he said. I felt worthless, I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt so bad, I cried for some weeks whenever I remembered.

It wasn't as easy as I penned it down, it was a disastrous moment for me. Just decided to pen down two out of the many times I was compared, not just to my twin but also to other people's children.

They might have had good intentions though but I doubt they achieved up to 30% of their desires.

Up until now, I still sometimes feel less of myself, I've lost my voice, when you talk about self-esteem, when you talk about confidence, I doubt you could ever refer me as one with such traits, even when people are awed and applaud me for some things I do, I still wonder sometimes if what I did actually deserves the accolades, infact most times I hardly ever believe the good comments they make.

I know I'm gradually getting over this, but the scars are deep, it might take time to heal. I'm now reading books on self-esteem, listening to some messages on believing in yourself. Also, with the help of some mentors, I'm gradually getting back to the place of confidence.

• Please everyone: "Comparison is not the right way to make one do better." It is one, amongst the thousand causes of low self-esteem.

• Even the Bible says:

• "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise (2nd Corinthians 12:2)."