My Ex Future Husband

I wrote this poem when I was about to step my feet into my college life. Based on my phone's Notes, it was written last June 27, 2018, or about 3 years ago. It was a poem dedicated to my supposed to be "husband" but became just an "ex" now because things just don't go as planned.

So let me tell you a story about my ex future husband.

I was in Kindergarten, only 6 years old when I met my future husband. As a kid, I enjoyed his company where there were no problems that arise between us. I loved the way I got to count from 1 to 10 and even up to one hundred with him. It was all just fun, the way I remember my Kindergarten memories with him.

Then came Grade 1 to Grade 4, I was not just counting from 1 to 10, but I even added one number to another, and I also subtracted, multiplied, and divided one number into another, with my so-called "future husband". Not just that, but I even got hooked with the fractions and decimals just so I can stay by his side.

My memory is still clear on how I fell for my husband to be. It was when I was in Grade 5 when my teacher noticed that I'm catching feelings for him. It was no longer just admiration, but what I felt for him was more than I could ever imagine at that time. A feeling that I want to keep for the rest of my life.

Since that encounter with my teacher, I became more determined to get to know my "future husband". I studied day and night, prepared myself for more difficult problem-solving, memorized all the important details about him, just so one day I can say that I have known him since I was 6 when the time comes that I can call him "my husband".

I was dedicated, determined enough to have him by my side, so when I stepped into my High School journey, I made sure he was still in my sight. I don't want to lose the feelings I have for him so I kept it all in. I held onto that one encounter when I was still in Elementary.

I'm aware, I didn't like you at first,

But I was pushed by the universe,

To your loving embrace,

I thought I couldn't escape.

You see, it was never my motive to be attached to him in the first place, but because of my Elementary teacher, I was.

You caught me with your glance,

So I gave your love a chance,

I was willing to take the risk,

Afraid I might lose you with a blink.

Remembering my Grade 7 until Grade 10 days, it was still fun having him by my sight. Admittedly, I struggled so much trying to keep the impressions I have for him to not be eradicated. I went on, still holding on, trying to fight for my future husband because I wanted him so much.

Days passed, I loved you more and more,

We were a match made in Heaven,

I was sure you were whom I adore,

I couldn't let you go anymore.

When I got into Senior High School, I was more determined to fight for him. Before I got out of High School, I thought about my future and my vision was crystal clear and it was him whom I wanted to be with in the future.

Reality hit me,

We were really not meant to be,

Your love was untrue,

I didn't know what to do.

Then came the time I had to fight for him already, but I was not given the chance to prove my intent. I was rejected. No. I was actually a coward because I didn't fight until the end. I immediately surrendered even if I knew there was still a chance.

Your name started with "C",

And it was followed with "P",

"A" was your last name,

I once thought I could claim.

I really wanted to make this dream become a reality, to have that 3-word next to my surname. But when I got to the point that I had to fight for it already, I was too weak that even if I still had an opportunity, I just lose it all in a blink.

Even though I'm already 3 years through the option I took, I still look back and ask the question, "What if I pushed through that one thing I was passionate about?"

I really like numbers and analyzing problems. I know Accounting is tough but it would be so much worth it if I was brave enough in the beginning and I made it until the end. But things just really don't go as planned.

Here's to the opportunities that we missed. Here's to the risks we didn't take.

So Goodbye, my ex-future husband.

Side note: This is so nonsense but if you made it this far, thank you so much. 😹