Your Achievements, My Joy!
This year, my 2 children has just finished Junior and Senior High School level. My youngest daughter had her completion rights last July 15, 2021 and my son had his Senior High School graduation to day July 23, 2021. There's nothing in this world could compare the happiness I feel every time my children would finish a level in their schooling.
I have three children and I am proud to tell you that they are achievers in their own rights. My eldest was a consistent honor student from nursery to her high school years and in college, she always make it a point to have high grades. Though she failed to finish college because of financial reason and family crisis and is now working as a call center representative for 3 years now. But in that three years, I shall say, she is excelling in the career she is into. On her first job, she got promoted to be a team leader in a span of 1 year and her promotion was highly recommended by her Account and Operations Managers. On the day that she tendered her resignation, the management has rejected it for several times because they cannot let go of her. They just can't give the salary increase that my daughter had bargained in return of her staying in the company so after months of declining the resignation, they finally let go of her. On her transfer to a new company, she got her regularization in 6 months and have received so many commendations from client's call. Her team leader is so happy with her performance and have insisted that she stay with the team because she is really an asset to him. Excellence is what my daughter is giving in her job and that is what I am really proud of.
My son, who graduated with honors in senior high school was a big revelation and his perseverance deserve a standing ovation. On his nursery days, he is an achiever and a consistent honor student too like her older sister. But the time he reached elementary and high school he had the hard time coping up. Maybe there are factors affecting his performance in school. Nonetheless, I kept on encouraging and telling him that he has the potential but he's not focusing on his studies well. Seeing his weaknesses in his studying habits, I continued to guide him and never gave up on him. I remember on the day of his Junior high school graduation, he said sorry to me because of his poor performance. He thanked me endlessly for all the moral support he received from me even though he was not excelling in his studies. He made a promise to me that he will make it up to me, he will strive harder to have high grades in his senior high school and he will let me go up the stage with him and that he will graduate with honors. True enough to his promises, I saw the great transformation. In grade 11, he finished it with high honors and I just gave him one inspiring word, "I believe that you can do it because you are a bright student. You just need to focus and believe in yourself!" Today, he graduated and finished his Grade 12 with Honors. Seeing his grades 2 weeks ago, I praised him for a job well done. All his grades are high and got an GWA of 93% but of course I advised him to focus more. His focused on his studies is not 100% because its divided between studies and playing online games. Proving and being true to his promises makes me so proud of him, his achievements is a real proof that he has now found his way to believe on his capabilities more which made me more proud of him more than ever.
Lastly, my youngest also finished her Junior High School today. The story of my youngest different from her other siblings. She is a timid and shy type student, who remained low profile from nursery to junior high. Her siblings are active students both in academic and extra curricular activities in their school that's why I always have this fear that she will be compared to them. Her sister and brother are both school class presidents, have joined several school contests and are famous to their teachers because of their activeness in school. My youngest is way behind her siblings because she always chose to stay away from the limelight. It was always me who insisted that she should participate in school activities and even be more active in classroom performances. I always tell her, if she wants to have high grades and be on the honors list she should participate in class recitations and activities. She is a bright student and her study habit is really far better than her other siblings. She is a focused student but the real problem is her being timid and reserved student. But on her 10th grade, finally she got out of her shell. I saw how she struggled with the online classes but I also saw how she coped up and excelled in her studies. I was behind her back giving her the lift she needed. She graduated with Honors too like her brother and I could feel how happy and excited she was for her achievement because this year was the greatest year she had, from the first quarter to the last quarter, she is in the honors list which made me a proud mommy again.
To all my children, you don't see and feel how happy I am for all the achievements you got. Every time I see you graduate or become successful in everything you do, no words can express the happiness I have. My tears of joy is the only proof how happy I am. And as you journey to another milestone of your life and begin to thread the path of career you are about to take, remember this.... your achievements are all my joy. Just keep on reaching out to your dreams and we will be in that together.
Thank you very much dear readers for patiently reading this and see you again in my next article
Simple Tips in Using Your Credit Card
My daughter got her first credit card and she was so excited having it but the credit limit given to her was 5,000php only. She tried using it in purchasing my maintenance meds for 1 month and some grocery items. She let me hold the card so that she will not be tempted to use it frequently.
Just this month, she got again a new credit card. Of course, just like the first time she was very happy and excited because the new credit card comes with a high credit limit of 36,000php. This time, she bought a new airconditioning unit using her 2nd credit card. The whole family is so happy because finally we enjoy sleeping at night and we are now comfortable during the hot weather. And then again, my daughter let me handle all the receipts of her purchases for the 2 credit cards so that I will be the one helping her on reminding the due dates of the payments.
Now this, I guide my daughter on how to properly handle her finances that she now have credit cards to use. There's nothing bad for having credit cards, what is bad is if you have bad debts because of your credit cards. As a credit card holder once, I know the risk of having it. You need to be a responsible credit card owner so that you could maintain a very good credit standing.
In this article, I would like to share some personal tips that might help you to manage your credit card or credit cards. The tips are based on my personal experience that helped me in managing my credit cards before.
TIP #1
Credit cards are good as cash, so you need to know your spending limits and paying capacity. Credit cards have credit limits, it is best not to use your credit limit to the max.
TIP #2
Do not spend using your credit card beyond your budget. This is where the problem starts. People use their credit cards without knowing that they are now getting out of their budget. They purchase things that are not on their budget list. Do not overspend using your credit card.
TIP #3
In paying, if you can pay all your purchases in full then that's good. If you can't, try paying not only the minimum amount of payment because the longer you defer your payment the more interests and surcharges will add up. And don't forget to pay ON TIME to avoid penalties for late payments.
TIP #4
If you think you are really a big spender, the safest way to do is leave your credit cards at home so that you will not be tempted to use it every now and then.
To end this, credit cards are of big help nowadays. It has now become a source of emergency fund. If you have one, use it wisely.
Should I Get Vaccinated?
On the onset of the SARS-CoV 2 virus which is well known as the Covid-19 virus, millions of people got sick and died because of it. Economies suffered because of massive lockdowns around the world. Because of it, many countries have raised against time to produce a vaccine to help in preventing the spread of the virus. And in a few months time, vaccines were made and gradually the peoples of the world began getting vaccinated. Many questions and doubts were raised if these vaccines really are the solution in the spread of the virus and is it safe to have it?
As I have read so many articles about the good of having the vaccine and have heard so many explanations on the effect of the vaccine to the people and the virus itself, I have the inch to write this article to somewhat create a little awareness to people based on what I have comprehended and personal experience.
First, let me discuss about the vaccine. One common question I always hear, does the vaccine makes a person immune of the virus? My answer is No. Even if you are fully vaccinated, there is always the chance that you'll get the virus anytime. So, what's the use of having the vaccine? There is! If you are fully vaccinated, you can still have the virus but the chance of having a severe to critical case is low. You can be positive with the virus with mild to moderate symptoms only. No more worries of getting hospitalized, intubated and much worse is to die.
Secondly, people worry so much of the side effects. As common to any vaccines you will be getting, you will experience side effects which you usually feel after getting vaccinated. Example of it is when our child is vaccinated, your child will be getting a fever and restless. So what are the common side effects that you will experience after getting the Covid-19 vaccine? The side effects include fever, body pains, headache, fatigueness or feeling weak, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea and swelling of the injected area. These side effects differ from each person and the brand of vaccine given. Based on my personal experience, I only have the swelling of the injected area both for my 1st and 2nd dose.
Third, what if you have some of the side effects? Do not panic. For the headache, fever and body pains, a paracetamol can relieve it. If you feel weak or experience fatigue, just take full rest once you feel it. Remember your body is adjusting to the vaccine and on the process of making an antibodies for the virus so your immune system is affected. Feeling weak and fatigue is one of the signs that your immune system is going down and make sure to boost your immune system by eating healthy foods that will help boost it. You should take vitamin supplements as well. On the swelling of the injected area, a cold compress is needed for the 1st 24 hours and then a hot compress after 24 hours if it is still swelling.
Now that you are fully vaccinated, what should you do? The vaccine shall have the full efficacy 14 days after the last dose so better yet avoid going out often or travel anywhere. Do it after 2 weeks. And of course, it is always best to practice minimum health protocols like the frequent washing of the hands, using alcohol or hand sanitizers every time you touch something, avoid crowded places and practice social and physical distancing. At these times, being paranoid is not bad especially if it is for your safety against the Covid-19 virus.
I hope you enjoyed reading my article and have shared some awareness to all of you.
Into The Darkness
Before God created the heaven and the earth, there was darkness all over (Genesis 1:1-2). And the first thing He created was light and He divided the light from the darkness. (Genesis 1:3-5). Even though God created light, He also separated the light from darkness. He called the light "day " and the darkness "night". And He also created nocturnal animals who will benefit from night time. He even created the moon and the stars in the sky to give light during the night. God wants life continue even if its dark. He does not want the darkness put a halt to His creation. God has been fair to all His creatures.
What is my point? God did not eliminated darkness from the earth because He want us to see the beauty of His creation not only during the time that we can clearly see them. He wants us to see the benefits of the darkness for all of us? He created the earth and the universe with balance so there are creatures who live into the darkness. There are birds who are awake during night and there are sea creatures who live deep down the abyss of the ocean floor and yet all of them are happy just like how happy are the daytime creatures. And creatures who live at night, life goes on for them although they are into the dark.
Photo credits https://unsplash.com/s/photos/under-the-sea
And for us people, we have different situations and our lives can never be always day time. There are moments that we are getting into the darkness but we can enjoy life even if we are in the darkest moment of our lives. Life will not stop just because we are experiencing tumultous life and full of darkness. Let the darkness we are into be our guiding path towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember God is allowing us to go into the darkness because He is telling us that our lives are not all bed of roses. We need to experience problems, trials, sickness, frustrations, failures to make our faith stronger and we learn learn to look for the light we needed. He wanted us to look to Him because He is the God of light. And He is the Light that will let us overcome the darkest part of our lives. Don't be afraid to see yourself in darkness because the Light of God is always shining to shine upon us. Just keep the faith in God in the midst of darkness and let God shine upon us. We may be into the darkness but God is always there to put us out of the dark.
I hope you all enjoyed my article and have somewhat learned something from it. God bless to you my dear readers.
By the way, this will be my entry for the weekly prompt "darkness" of Miss @JonicaBradley https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley
Patience Is A Virtue
Since the start of the pandemic last year, when a national lockdown was in effect and an Inter Agency Task Force implementing rules were strictly observed there were major changes in the lives of many Filipinos.
I remember when the lockdown was announced in March 16, 2021, we were in Baguio City that time. Only one person was allowed to go out and I am the one who got the quarantine pass because my 2 children were both minors. From the place we live, I need to walk 1.8 kilometers to get to the city and that's about 30 minutes of walking. And since I need to buy everything that's good for 2 weeks, I patiently endured walking back home with a very heavy load and it went on for several months.
When I am already in the city, I patiently lined up to wait for my turn to enter the supermarket, pharmacy and even waiting to have a jeepney ride (jeepney transportation was allowed only I think around the month of May or June) going home. During the lockdown, lining up is always part of the game.
In July, we had the chance to go back Manila because the Baguio LGU allowed the travel of LSI (locally stranded individuals) to return to their hometowns and we went through the process of securing our travel pass. As always, patience was part of it. We brought with us a lot of patience just to secure our travel pass. Long lines and tiredness have tested the patience of everyone else.
Now that we are in Manila, I still can see long lines and long waiting time but I guess we have been used to it. We've learned to apply the value of patience, we've learned to respect long lines (no more cutting lines) although there are people who are always in a rush and lose their tempers amidst the long lines.
This pandemic has taught us that patience is really a virtue. Everything will be in order if we know how to be patient in everything. Getting impatient will now only gives you stress (because.you will begin to get angry and pissed off) but it will make an annoying situation between you and the people around you. You will also disturb the peace and order of the people who are keeping their patience long enough to wait for their turn.
So if you see, a long line of people please respect those who are in line. Don't cut lines. Go to the end of the line and be patient like the others in front of you. All of us will have the equal chance to be served.
Keeping A Healthy Body
A healthy body is always our wealth. This is my mindset now that I became a diabetic.
I was diagnosed as diabetic in April of 2016. I had a severe Urinary Tract Infection at that time and when I came to the doctor for medical check-up, it was discovered that there is sugar in my urine and a blood chemistry laboratory results confirmed it all.
I didn't have a hard time adjusting with my new life as a diabetic since it runs in the family. So I have an orientation on how to deal with it. As a diabetic, you need to have full discipline and control with the food you eat and the lifestyle you'll gonna have plus a constant visit with your doctor to check the status of your health.
October of 2019 when I was working in Baguio City, I went for a check-up there because I was having constant high blood pressure and then again aside from being a diabetic, I also became hypertensive and with high cholesterol level. My maintenance medications grew in numbers. Medicines for hypertension and cholesterol control was added.
Last week, after 8 months since my last visit to a doctor (which is supposedly every 6 months) I had underwent laboratory tests for blood chemistry, ecg, x-ray and urinalysis. An ambulatory blood pressure monitoring with holter machine device were attached to me for 24 hours to monitor my blood pressure and heart rate. It took me days of being anxious because I am thinking that results would come out not good.
But thank God, almost all test results were good. My heart is still ok, my lungs are good and I don't have UTI infection. The only focus of concern is my blood sugar (which is just a little bit above the controlled level), a high cholesterol and a fatty liver. My doctor changed my diabetic medicine with a new one (a cheaper one), retained the medicine for my blood pressure control and added a medicine for cholesterol control and to lower down sgpt level.
It's so hard to be a diabetic if you don't have money to finance all those medical routines and the medications itself. Luckily, I have a health card that covers it all (except of course for the medicines) and there's no reason for me not to have a regular every 6 months medical check- up.
Health is very important because it is our wealth. So if you have all the means to keep your body healthy by having a regular check-up, please do it. Love your self and love your health.
The Day Bitcoin Came into My Life
In 2017, when my husband decided to leave me and my children, I looked everywhere in the internet to be my source of income. I entered in OnPals, investing money for onpal groups which I may say, I earned somehow not until all the onpal groups I've joined one by one became a scam and all of them turned to be "running man" after all. While I am doing onpals, I also invested in mining sites wherein I received few payouts and then afterwards no more payouts were received. I've lost few of thousands to those scammers but I did not stopped looking for other sources. Until one day, I chanced upon one site that you can claim bitcoins. I got interested in bitcoins because of its value
But I've lost much money, I became extra careful this time. I researched about bitcoin and was so curious how bitcoin will change my life. From one site to another, I had signed up with different sites to earn and claim bitcoins and other currencies like ETH, Dash, BCH, Litecoins and Dogecoins. I had so many faucets and exchange wallets wherein all my withdrawals went. Frankly to say, what I've earned from my bitcoin withdrawals somewhat helped me financially and I was aiming to have 1 bitcoin someday.
But in 2018, I decided to set aside my interest in cryptocurrencies and focused on starting a new life after a broken heart. I worked for 2 years and forgot everything about cryptocurrencies. When I lost my job because of the pandemic, again my mind shifted back to online earnings. I was introduced to FB Bots which sadly to say are all scammed. Starting to feel frustrated again, I saw a friend's post about noisecash and there it all started my interest in bitcoin once more but this time its in Bitcoincash.
Today, I am earning BCH in noisecash and started to have faucets again focusing more on BCH faucets. I see a promising future in BCH because transactions fees are lower compared to BTC. I have set a goal to have 10BCH before the year ends and hopefully I could achieve it.
Dear Self
Dear self,
I know you are again in your one of those moments. You have so much to bear emotionally that others can't see. I know how you are becoming frustrated and disappointed for certain things in your life and even blaming yourself for it. I feel how much you would like to be of use and extend some help but you feel you can't because you have no means to do it. You have no job and you have no money. If you look at how things are happening, all you can do is just cry.
I see that you are emotionally exhausted and the burdens are getting too much heavy too bear. And I know that you needed a hug from your loved ones but they never seem to care because they never knew how you feel everytime. I am giving you my big hug to let you know that I care for you. My only request is, please don't ever give up and I know you'll not. I've seen you've been through it so may times and you still managed to stand on your feet fighting.
I know you are strong but hold on tighter and don't let your frustrations put you down. I love you and you have me forever. I'll be with you in the ups and downs of your life.
Love,
Yourself
My Unforgivable Mistake
Since I enrolled my bank account for the online banking, I am very cautious for any possible hacking and unauthorized transactions. Keeping in mind always that there are many different modus operandi of online hackers and scammers online.
One of these modus is the phishing emails. I've heard of so many stories of depositors being victim of these phishing emails, how they'd been victim of it. Some banks have added some safety feature for their depositors to check if the emails they received are really coming from them. Because of it I am fully aware how to keep my money safe from online hackers.
Not until May 4, 2021 morning. I received an email from my bank informing me that a transfer fund transaction was made. The email gave me the full details of the transaction and if it not me who made it, I can cancel the transaction by clicking the portion with "click here". After clicking it, I was directed to the official website of my bank and pretty sure that I was at the legit site, I entered my log in details and approve an unknown device.
I sensed immediately that there was something so I immediately changed the password of my online account but its too late. My money was gone in a minute and the email I was looking onto was deleted in my own eyes while I was reporting what happened to the customer service of my bank.
Clicking on the "click here" was the unforgivable mistake I ever committed. The hacker got my money in a twink of an eye. My urge to save my money from being transferred by someone who I thought had the access to my account and because I did not made any transaction amounting to that neither put my money more in danger. My urgency to cancel the transaction paved the way for the hacker to have a legit access to my account.
That incident gave me a trauma and up to now my heart aches everytime it flashes back on my mind. Because of that stupid mistake caused my money to be stolen by this bank account hacker.
Next time, no more clicking. If I receive emails from my bank about a certain transaction, I will call the bank (which I should have done) immediately and inform them about the email I received.
Hope what happened to me will serve as a warning to all of you. Never CLICK ANY LINK on emails sent to you. The best and safest way to know the legitimacy of the email is to CALL YOUR BANK.
A Victim of Online Theft
Last May 6, 2021, I received an email informing me that a fund transfer transaction amounting to P30,000 was made. The email also said that if I did not made the fund transfer, I cancel it by clicking the link given in the email.
Of course, at first I scrutinize well the email which I usually do because I am fully aware of the phising email that's been circulating long before. The email was exactly the same to the one's my bank is sending me whenever they email me. So, I click the link on my desire to cancel the transaction immediately because I did not made any fund transfer and I want to protect the money in my bank at that time.
But that was the damnest mistake I've ever made. I was victimized by a phising email coming from an online thief. I lost the money because of that one mistake.
Honestly, I did not became careless because like I said I've been very very careful eversince. I am fully aware of the phishing scam online. But online thiefs are getting smarter and wiser, they are now sending copycat emails and you will not distinguish anymore that the email you received is a phishing email. It is a real copycat emails.
Right now, my case is under investigation. I have called my bank and reported the incident. They temporarily blocked my online account so that no one can have an access to it. Still waiting for their call for an update of the investigation. My only prayer is for money to be returned on my account if they have proven that I was victimized by online thieves.
Moral of the incident:
If you receive an email informing you of any transaction from your account, NEVER CLICK ANY LINK. Whether you think its a very legit email, disregard any instruction from the email. The best thing you would do, is CALL THE BANK customer service or your bank's officer to clarify about the email you receive.
May 6, 2021 was the worst day I had because of that online thief who stole the hard earned money in my bank. I have left everything to God and I believe that God will take vengeance for me.
Factors To Gain Wisdom
There are some qualities that will bring wisdom into our lives.
REVERENCE: is one of the requirements for gaining wisdom. Therefore, I acknowledge God and I revere God. I fear the Lord. I say, “You are higher, you are better.”
HUMILITY is something that garners wisdom; it is a requirement for wisdom. You cannot be proud and wise. Humility brings wisdom.
TEACHABLENESS: we need to be teachable and willing to learn.
DILIGENCE: diligence is the precursor of wisdom because you need to be careful, persistent, and a hard worker to be wise.
RIGHTEOUSNESS: you need to be morally right to act wisely, and
FAITH: to receive wisdom from the Lord.
Now, let us take the contrary of these, to see if those will bring you wisdom. What is the opposite of reverence? If you say, “I do not revere God, I am not going to respect Him at all.” That is not going to get you wisdom. The opposite of humility is, “I am cocky, I know everything there is to know.” That is not going to get you wisdom. If you are not teachable, you are a know it all. That is not going to work. To be diligent instead of lazy is a better way to become wise. When you say, “I am going to be crooked, I don´t want to be righteous,” that is unwise. To be faithless instead of faithful will not gain you wisdom. Those ingredients come together. So if you love wisdom and desire wisdom in your life, you will use them.
Wisdom is like a card that allows you to enjoy all the rides and the fun in an amusement park. Can you imagine? You can ride all the times you want, wherever you want, and enjoy everything for free. Wisdom is that card for any ride you are ever going to be on in your life. It is a card for parenting. It is a card for singlehood. It is a card for marriage and a card for divorce. It is a card for joy and a card for grief. It is a card for a decision in a business. It is a card choosing what college you will go to. It is a card that you will be able to pull out and say, “I want this card to be my entrance into every ride of life. So I am going to love wisdom. I'm going to obey wisdom. I'm going to be disciplined by it.”
Hidden Behaviors That Destroy Families
BEHAVIOR NO. 2
CRITICISM
None of us escapes criticism in this life, and, unfortunately, criticism often occurs in extended families. Our family members are usually easy targets for us to fight with and talk back to. Therefore, we tend to be more critical of each other—or more vocal about it.
However, criticism shouldn’t be a regular habit within families because we are supposed to be loving, supportive, and encouraging toward one another. Does criticism help to achieve family harmony? No, it typically creates the opposite result. Criticism makes people feel hurt and angry, resulting in a divided family.
Criticism Drives Others Away
There are various types of insults, and most slights between family members aren’t direct verbal jabs. Instead, they come in the form of sarcastic remarks, innuendos, backhanded compliments, and negative nonverbal communications, such as the eye roll. None of these behaviors is helpful for creating healthy family dynamics.
Clearly, nobody wants to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. That is why those who make a habit of being critical of their family members must understand they are putting their relationships in jeopardy. For example, pointing out to your sister that it would help her dating life if she lost a few pounds might seem helpful from your perspective, but it really is not. It will just be taken as disapproval and make her feel hurt. It will do nothing to help strengthen or improve your relationship. It will probably do just the opposite.
If someone feels uncomfortable around another person, they usually decide they do not want to be around them if they can help it. The more criticism that exists in a relationship, the more likely the person who is on the receiving end will eventually pull away.
To heal relationships, we need to become aware of our own habits of criticizing. If we frequently criticize certain family members, then we need to cease this behavior. Don’t make yourself the outcast of the family by being unnecessarily critical or by delivering criticism in a manner that comes off as judgmental or insulting.
Insults Versus Constructive Criticism It is human nature to perceive words of criticism as an affront instead of constructive advice. The motivation of the individual giving the criticism, the truth behind the message, the delivery, and our personality all play into how we interpret and receive criticism from others.
Taking all this into consideration, if change is needed in someone’s life, any criticism we convey should be carried out in a constructive way; hence the term constructive criticism.
There is a clear difference between insults and constructive criticism. The purpose of an insult is to inflict harm. Attacking and insulting anyone, especially a family member, is not acceptable behavior. Actually, it is a sin to criticize someone else in an insulting manner.
It is intention that differentiates criticism from insults. While an insult is lobbed with the purpose of harming, criticism is given with the purpose of helping. In our extended families, we often criticize one another because we each have different ways of doing things that we think are better than everyone else’s and we want to express this information. We care about our loved ones and see their potential, so our intention is well-meaning.
The problem is usually with our delivery. We end up using tones that insult people, causing our messages to go in one ear and out the other. They don’t want to listen when we act judgmental or angry toward them because it makes them feel unappreciated and put upon. However, when constructive criticism is given with love, kindness, and the right tone, it can be beneficial. We should keep in mind that even criticism that is offered with good intentions can have the effect of an insult if it is badly expressed.
When this happens, positive relationships are undermined. Yet when constructive criticism is delivered and received in a healthy manner, it can help to build up individual family members and their relationships at the same time.
Love One Another
It is better to err on the side of caution when it comes to criticizing fellow family members. Sometimes, saying nothing is better than being critical. God has called us to love one another. Others will see the goodness of Jesus through how we act toward them. The people whom God has directly placed in our lives as family members are to be treated in a kind manner. It is not kind to say things that are mean, ugly, and harm other people. Instead, we should build up our loved ones.
Our greatest sources of encouragement in life should be God and our family. That starts with us. We turn to God for love and encouragement so that we can pour out love and encouragement to our family members.
Have you been overly critical toward any of your family members? Today, ask God to help you find words of encouragement for them and to mold your heart into more love and less criticism.
None of us escapes criticism in this life, and, unfortunately, criticism often occurs in extended families. Our family members are usually easy targets for us to fight with and talk back to. Therefore, we tend to be more critical of each other—or more vocal about it.
However, criticism shouldn’t be a regular habit within families because we are supposed to be loving, supportive, and encouraging toward one another. Does criticism help to achieve family harmony? No, it typically creates the opposite result. Criticism makes people feel hurt and angry, resulting in a divided family.
Criticism Drives Others Away
There are various types of insults, and most slights between family members aren’t direct verbal jabs. Instead, they come in the form of sarcastic remarks, innuendos, backhanded compliments, and negative nonverbal communications, such as the eye roll. None of these behaviors is helpful for creating healthy family dynamics.
Clearly, nobody wants to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. That is why those who make a habit of being critical of their family members must understand they are putting their relationships in jeopardy. For example, pointing out to your sister that it would help her dating life if she lost a few pounds might seem helpful from your perspective, but it really is not. It will just be taken as disapproval and make her feel hurt. It will do nothing to help strengthen or improve your relationship. It will probably do just the opposite.
If someone feels uncomfortable around another person, they usually decide they do not want to be around them if they can help it. The more criticism that exists in a relationship, the more likely the person who is on the receiving end will eventually pull away.
To heal relationships, we need to become aware of our own habits of criticizing. If we frequently criticize certain family members, then we need to cease this behavior. Don’t make yourself the outcast of the family by being unnecessarily critical or by delivering criticism in a manner that comes off as judgmental or insulting.
Insults Versus Constructive Criticism
It is human nature to perceive words of criticism as an affront instead of constructive advice. The motivation of the individual giving the criticism, the truth behind the message, the delivery, and our personality all play into how we interpret and receive criticism from others.
Taking all this into consideration, if change is needed in someone’s life, any criticism we convey should be carried out in a constructive way; hence the term constructive criticism. There is a clear difference between insults and constructive criticism. The purpose of an insult is to inflict harm. Attacking and insulting anyone, especially a family member, is not acceptable behavior. Actually, it is a sin to criticize someone else in an insulting manner.
It is intention that differentiates criticism from insults. While an insult is lobbed with the purpose of harming, criticism is given with the purpose of helping. In our extended families, we often criticize one another because we each have different ways of doing things that we think are better than everyone else’s and we want to express this information. We care about our loved ones and see their potential, so our intention is well-meaning.
The problem is usually with our delivery. We end up using tones that insult people, causing our messages to go in one ear and out the other. They don’t want to listen when we act judgmental or angry toward them because it makes them feel unappreciated and put upon. However, when constructive criticism is given with love, kindness, and the right tone, it can be beneficial.
We should keep in mind that even criticism that is offered with good intentions can have the effect of an insult if it is badly expressed. When this happens, positive relationships are undermined. Yet when constructive criticism is delivered and received in a healthy manner, it can help to build up individual family members and their relationships at the same time.
Love One Another
It is better to err on the side of caution when it comes to criticizing fellow family members. Sometimes, saying nothing is better than being critical. God has called us to love one another:
Others will see thes through how we act toward them. The people whom God has directly placed in our lives as family members are to be treated in a kind manner. It is not kind to say things that are mean, ugly, and harm other people. Instead, we should build up our loved ones.
Our greatest sources of encouragement in life should be God and our family. That starts with us. We turn to God for love and encouragement so that we can pour out love and encouragement to our family members.
Have you been overly critical toward any of your family members? Today, ask God to help you find words of encouragement for them and to mold your heart into more love and less criticism.
Knowledge is power and Ignorance excuses no one
Hidden Behaviours That May Destroy Family
A Failure to Forgive or Apologize
Where there is a lack of forgiveness, a wall goes up between the parties involved. Healthy relationships include both apologies and forgiveness.
God Calls Us to Forgive.
God calls us to forgive in all circumstances. A bible passage tell us, "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
What if the person never apologizes for their behavior? Then, we are to forgive them in our heart, even if we never have an opportunity to express our forgiveness toward them. God wants us to forgive others for our own sake as well as theirs. When we harbor ill will over a wrong someone committed against us, it can cause a bitterness that grows and festers. Until we release that bitterness by truly forgiving the other person, we will suffer emotionally and even mentally and physically. God doesn’t want us to hurt and suffer. He wants us to release our burden to Him so He can heal our heart.
The passage in Matthew says that if we don’t forgive others for their sins, then God won’t forgive us for ours. I don’t know about you, but I definitely need God’s forgiveness in my life! I am a sinner, and I need God to forgive me for my wrongdoing. Withholding forgiveness for others is not worth the trade-off of holding back God’s forgiveness in my own life. If we love God, we will want to forgive others out of a heart that longs to obey Him. This especially includes forgiving our family members who have wronged us.
We need to recognize that, in most situations, forgiving someone in our heart takes time. It is not instant. The amount of time it takes to fully forgive usually correlates with the severity of the offense. However, we can make a conscious choice not to wallow in our negative feelings any longer. It is okay to recognize that your anger and hurt are natural. However, make the decision to put the issue behind you and remind yourself of this decision whenever the emotional pain surfaces. Moving forward, your relationship with that person will only be healthy if you choose not to focus on your hurt feelings.
Again, when we don’t forgive others, not only does it damage our relationships, but it also creates emotional, mental, and physical problems for us. We need to forgive for the sake of our relationships and our overall well-being.
God Calls Us to Apologize.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."
In this passage, Jesus says that we need to reconcile with an individual who has something against us. We can see how important this point is to the Lord. He tells us not to go to God with a gift at the altar until we rectify our relationship with the other person.
This means we need to sincerely apologize and make things right in our relationships when we have done something wrong. Our loved ones are often the people we hurt the most, and then we hurt them further when we fail to apologize. We justify our anger, or we blame our family members in some way. Instead, we need to apologize for the wrongs we have committed against them. Then, we should try to make the situation right. Did you borrow money from your brother and fail to pay him back? You need to not only say you are sorry but also make a plan for repaying the money. Did you promise your mother that you would help with a holiday meal but then forget to do it? You need to apologize and do something to show that you want to make up for the mistake, such as hosting the next family event.
Healing for Our Heart
Remember, forgiving others who have hurt us and apologizing for our own sinful behavior not only heals relationships and helps the other parties, but it also helps to heal our own hearts. When we harbor ill will against a family member because of something they have done to us, then a hardness develops in our heart, perpetuating our anger and bitterness toward that person. Having such feelings is not emotionally healthy, and it keeps us from maintaining a close relationship with God. The Lord has told us to make our relationships right and then come to His altar.
Is there someone in your family that.you need to forgive in your heart? Is there a family member that you need to apologize to? Ask God to help find the right words and take the first step toward healing your family relationship.
Parents, remember to spend quality time with your children.
Don't you know that quality time and the kind of discipline and trainings will make or break your child's future.
Forgive and Forget
If people hurt us, we forgive them. But there's a big question you can ask yourself.
Have you already forgiven them? Maybe yes maybe not.
But the true sign that you did is when you can say to yourself that you have forgotten what they did to you.
Forgetting is the barometer of forgiving.
A mother's heart is like a stone and cotton
It becomes a stone so that she can be strong for her children
It becomes a cotton if she sees her children's pain and absorb all the tears they shed.
Train Up A Child In The Way He Should Go
Being a mother of three, training and disciplining them is a combination of my parents own way of discipline, lessons I've learned in school and based on bible's teachings.
Having 3 children is not an easy job because I raised them almost alone. Disciplining and training well is my greatest achievement in life because I see all the fruits of it now that they are already grown-ups.
Below are some useful tips that might help you train and discipline your children.
1. Love your child.
For me this is the first thing that you must do. You cannot discipline and train your child well if you do not love your children.
2. Ask for God's guidance.
In everything you do as a mother, always seek God's guidance and give you all the wisdom you need.
3. Know the best time to discipline and train your child.
I remember my college teacher in my psychology major subject once said, the most critical age in your child's life is from 0-5 years old because its the formative years. Whatever your child learns during their formative years, will be the foundation of his personality.
4. Never punish your children but rather reprimand and reward them
I have nothing against spanking your child because it is taught in the bible, Prov 22:15 andProv 23:13-14 tells it so. What I am against is punishing your child for each demeanor he or she commits. One piece of advise, when spanking your child, use a crumpled newspaper. He will not get hurt if you spank him but the sound of the newspaper hitting him will have an impact on him. Also, if you child does something wrong, reprimand him and tell him that what he did was wrong and reward him.if he did something good. Just remember, never never glorify your child's misdemeanor because he will outgrow it. Example, do not be happy unintentionally if you see him punch his playmate. Because in the mind of your little child, he will get your attention if he will do it.
5. Teach them values.
One's personality depends on his life values. For me it is very important to teach my children good values that I've learned from my parents. So I taught my children the value of patience, forgiveness, time, money,perseverance, independence, resiliency, truthworthiness, faithfulness and love. These values I believe will make them better persons when they grow up.
6. Practice what you teach.
I guess this needs no further explanation for me. As parents, we should be good role models for our children. How can we discipline and train oir children well if we do exactly the opposite of what we say. Good example is, if we tell our child that smoking is bad for the body but you or your spouse is doing so can you expect your child to believe you?
7. Cultivate your child's interest.
Observe your child's interests and hobbies and cultivate it. Your child's interest is the most important aspect of his success. Remember, if your child enjoys and loves what he does he will persevere to be the best.
8. Let your child decide for themselves and experience failures as well
In truth, many parents want their children to excel. They get angry if they gets low grades or even having failing grades. My advise, please don't! Let your child experience failures. Too much expectations can pressure him and in the long run, he cannot also accept failures.
With regards to decision making, let them decide for themselves. Our only role as parents is to guide them well. This is what I did to my children. In every decision they will do, I let them decide and I just listen to their reasons for deciding and give them advise for them to see if their decision is good or not.
9. Of all the things I've said, I can say that training a child is much better than disciplining him. If you train him well, he will be a well disciplined being and whatever he learned from the trainings you did, he will also passed it on to his children. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it”
As I close, let us all be responsible parents guided by God's words and teachings.
My Married Life Jorney
I got married at the age of 25 and been married for 24 years now. But in those years , married life is not all bed of roses just like any marriages.
Before I got married, I always wanted to marry a man who is responsible and with a kind heart. A man who is a knight in shining armour. I was blinded by my idealistic mind and met a man whom I believed that he is the one.
For 18 years, my marriage is almost the best marriage one can ever think of. Having a husband and 3 children made the marriage complete. We were happy and contented with our life as a family. Our family had all the ups and downs and I thought we were surviving all of them and all of us held on to each other. But I was all along wrong.
In 2017, the biggest heartbreak happened. My husband have decided to live a life of his own. Reason? Money. He gave up on us because of money. What worst, he blamed everything to me. We were all devastated except for my husband. My children and I were left in devastation. My heart as a mom, bled for my children because I saw how it affected them so much especially my youngest child. Seeing the damage of what my husband did to my children, I did everything to protect them emotionally. I showed them the strength I have inside. Being strong for them made them overcome the pains and gave them the positive outlook in life. They even told me that they never gave up because I never gave up.
For 3 years, we lived and went on with our lives without my husband. Our life went through many hardships and struggles financially and emotionally but we are happy. We do not have all the money but we all the love for each other. Our love made us all stronger and together.
Now after 3 years, my husband went back to us. We are together again. But things, shall I say is not all back to normal again. My children, have built a thin wall between them and their father. I can see that they have their own emotional reservations for their father. Up to now, they still can't forget what they father did to us but they still respect and love him because that's what I instill to them. To love and respect their father no matter what and how the pains and hardships they've experience because of the selfish decision their father did. And for me, the heartache taught me to love myself more and one realization in life in that experience? My husband is not my life.
At the end, some of you will ask me "why did we accepted him in our lives?" Its simple, its LOVE. God taught us to love and forgive but what my husband did is not a thing of the past. It will be forever remembered.
@mommyganda
