Ancient Spirit.

With great power comes great responsibility, with great sin comes great punishment, with great ideas come great achievements, with great wisdom comes great sadness (?)

I have often heard quotes about people contemplating the influence wisdom can have on our happiness under the claim that too much wisdom or intelligence arms you with knowledge that you your might not be ready for, it might be a burden to you and since that intelligence is higher than average which is not that common, you find yourself stuck with people who aren't like-minded. This can birth a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. You feel like an alien trapped in a world where everything seems behind. You see things, sometimes really terrible things that other people can't see. What they see is not what it is, what it is, they do not see..

Everyone desires to be understood, that's something all of us want. When people do not understand us no matter how hard we try, we feel like we don't belong here. We feel like it's only our bodies that are of this world but our souls are from the past or maybe the future. We begin doubting ourselves and it might even us feel like we're cursed. That we have done something really terrible for us to be born into this generation to suffer. We get far away from our loved ones and the little friends we manage to have. We from a cocoon around ourselves. We retreat deep into our own shell. Yes, that's the only way we feel something close to happiness, when we are in solitude, in harmony with the universe. Everything esle becomes boring, everyone else becomes uninteresting. Even the most addictive technological gadgets do not interest us anymore, we are always longing, always searching, yearning, always waiting, for what? We don't really know. There's this emptiness that has always been there, is still there and perhaps will always remain there. An emptiness this world has no capability of filling. An emptiness whose fill can only be found in the greater beyond.

My solitude was my safe haven. It gives me peace from all the fickleness and trivialities of the world. I read books, books about great people who loved solitude like me, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to sit with them in a meeting, I even feel the connection with them through those pages, although they existed hundreds of year ago. It is where I learn things that no one else in the world can teach me. Nature was my teacher. Nature is the only Truth.

The sun taught me to shine fiercely without any fear. The raindrops taught me to speak the truth, without any concern upon whom it falls, the blossoming of flowers taught me there is a time for everything, the phases of the moon taught me that it would take time for me to be whole again.. again? Was I ever whole? Maybe. Maybe is in the world I lived before been born into this one.. just maybe. But what if I was never whole even in the world I once lived? What if I would never be whole? The thought of dying without filling in that emptiness was the greatest horror of my life.

I believe, and still believe that the main reason for our existence is not to give birth, grow, marry, give birth and die. If that's all there's to life, then please hack me with a matchet this very moment! There has to be something more. There's always something more. There has to be a purpose. I am not on a quest to find something worth living for, but something worth dying and re-dying for..

Long before my existence, long before my parents knew they would even get married let alone have me as a child, I know I existed. I can feel it. They only made me materialise in human form but my soul has always been there. Life was every good thing you can think of then. I am not saying that they made a mistake but I feel that's the reason I was born in the first place. To reawaken that soul that lies deep within me, that soul that transcends time, space and the physical senses. It has become so lost deep within my human body that I sometimes lose awareness of it no matter how hard I try to focus on it it sleep by, in an instant of a nanosecond. I sometimes get hold of it, try my best not to let it go but it always does. Maybe that's the cause of my sadness, maybe that's what is missing in my life. I hear it cry sometimes inside me, wanting to be free. What if it is waiting for me to set it free? How can I do that? I meditate upon that all day but I never find a good answer to my all time, question. The thought of never setting it free leaves me mortified whenever it crosses my mind. If I ever fail to do that, that's the day I die, both in body and in soul.

I long for the day when I meet me, myself, my beloved soul.

💔