I've woken up today feeling groggy after a bad night sleep, and I struggled to lift up my mood to function properly through my mornings.

And during those moments of weakness I revisited my memories in managing my neuroses, the struggles that I've somehow overcame and contemplated on my perpetual loneliness.

Since my first failed interview I went to great lengths trying to maximize my chances of success. By synthesizing experiences from continuous trial and error.

One thing I've realized after so many years of trying, is that unfairness always exists among us.

The world decides who has and who has not.

Some people are going to be healthier than others, mentally and psychologically. Right from the get go.

Some people are always going to earn more than others, no matter what they do or how much they try.

At first, I refused to believe in this crazy unfairness we have to live with, and I even got resentful about it.

Managing the unfairness in life

I feel like I kept living under my potential. But after having read a book called How To Fail at Almost Everything And Still Win Big by Scott Adams (famous for being the author of a comic strip series Dilbert ), it wasn't like I was having a transformative, mind-blowing realization about my life.

Nor that I woke up from a dogmatic slumber like Emmanuel Kant. The book had a few new ideas, but nothing much else ( Side note: I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the book ).

Image: The Conmunity - Pop Culture Geek, CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Even though it promises nothing, again, but it leaves clues on how to cope with the feeling of failure and loneliness, and from that you can start maximizing your chance of success.

The more I read the book, the more I realized, that failure begets loneliness and vice versa. Even though the tether doesn't seem apparent nor clear, it emerges to me that my loneliest times coincides with my biggest failures.

Failure is a subjective concept for many, but I'd define it as indulging in bad habits and not taking chances as many as I should to improve my current situation.

While it's not really possible to control failure nor bad things to happen to you, the best way to is to cope with them (with grace and patience)

Here are the coping skills I've tried myself, and hope it benefits you somehow.

Goals are ephemeral - Start building habits instead

Goals end when habits persist. In fact it gives you back some of the certainty that every human being craves.

Goals give meaning until you reach it. Even though it's much easier done than said, I'd regard goals as milestones to reach whatever goals you'll be having.

There's nothing much to say in this section because it was way too obvious, that habits are an extension of goals, which means that you set yourself better goals.

Besides giving stability, habits can also make sure you reach your goals consistently without risking burnout.

Goals in this situation should be thought of as milestones. Because hitting milestones on roadtrips are just as satisfying as reaching the finish line.

In my honest opinion, habits increases your chances of success, pro rata with your level of commitment. Even though it sounds like wishful thinking to you ( I even sometimes feel like this advice is close to nonsense ), but habits landed me a freelance job and a seasonal full time work. And that's just a stepping stone for me.

Learn to manage your mind and emotions

It's gotta be some of the best things you do for yourself. Even though it might be the hardest skill to master.

Because genetics would decide your tendency to exhibit unwanted behaviors - from sadness, anger, jealously, optimism to lashing out.

Not to mention how random our upbringing and livelihoods are. Each of us have unique life journeys, and it's fair to say that life is strange for all of us.

I might be wrong, but organized religion's greatest contribution to mankind is the management of our souls.

In all branches of Buddhism the monks inspired me to become more mindful of our thoughts and action. I believe a troubled person like I was 4 years ago would benefit immensely from disassociating yourself from feelings and emotions, no matter how valid they were.

I don't think I'm a qualified person to give out any advice on that matter, but what I can tell you, is that our feelings can be just as inaccurate as our intuition. Feelings are just what it is - it doesn't signal action nor change - unless your rational mind decides that it is. By that you prevent yourself from hurting yourself and others.

That said, if you happen to struggle with an addiction, I believe urge surfing encapsulates what the section is all about.

Never sacrifice time spent with family and friends

I was miserably lonely after having spent my time building one thing after the next, virtually in solitude.

None of them succeeded, but I didn't leverage the power of social connections.

I had this delusional belief that I could achieve what I set out alone. Thanks to the self help crap I've fed myself in those college years, I was left with virtually nothing.

I was almost friendless. My relationship with mom was as bitter as ever.

The lack of job networking put me in the state of perpetual financial stagnation.

I never knew how powerful meaningful relationships can be until I lost it. I learned it the hard way, as described in this piece of writing months ago.

Final thoughts

I could've made an effort writing a longer post than this one, but I thought you guys might enjoy a shorter format like this. Because I knew you guys have work to do and people to care for.

That said, there's a boat load of online resources out there for each of my discussed topics. So if you're curious or interested, be sure to leave comments and tell me what your thoughts are ?

Have you ever been in the constant loop of failure and disappointment ? If so, how did you overcome it ?