My restless soul

In my previous article entitled despite of everything I still looked up to my old self. I described how much I missed the memories I had in my old room. It was a fantastic moment to transcribe and turn all those memories in written-form. I remembered @Ling01 commented that she read my article as if I was describing a vintage room. I would love to continue it and have a little tour to my little extraordinary world.

If you still remember, I ended the article with the memories I had with my mother wherein she used to kissed my forehead when I went to school. She was a great mother I knew. I know our mothers deserved to have a fantastic life and we, as their children should honor them without fail.

The painting I hanged last 17 years ago was a bit dusty, but it is covered with frame. I still remember the day I got the painting. It was a gift from a dear friend who used to draw and paint. She was one of a kind friend that you can say a reliable and trustworthy one. I stood infront the painting for about ten minutes. I turned back and walked around the corner to get some sticky notes.

The board made from styrofoam which I picked up from the seashore. I actually stole it from the fisherman because I really wanted to scratch the styrofoam and used it as a snow flakes. How wonderful to experience snow even if it's a fake one. Since the styrofoam is quite lengthy and widthy,  I cut into half and washed it at the back of our home. I dried it and hanged to my room. I bought sticky note from a local store in our area and started writing some random inspirational quotes. There are six colors presented such as light green, pink, aquamarine,  orange,  cream and white.

I read some of my notes pinned in the board. I closed my eyes and hugged the note I picked. This is what the note says "You are strong, courageous fighter. Do not let down yourself no matter what happened.  08/09/05". I do not want to open my eyes because I enjoyed what I am seeing in the dark world behind the shadow of my eyes. I saw myself standing,  crawling and has a face of fighter. The flag at the end of the destination is my goal. I want to get it. I want myself to experience to win just this time. My vision in the shadow was cut when I felt something biting my feet.

An ant bitten me at my left feet. I pinned the note back at the board and scratch my feet.  It's so itchy. I sat down for awhile and looked above. This room is filled with ecstatic life of my teenage years.  My wild, stupid, and idiotic acts all happened here. I closed my eyes quickly when a light reflected to my eyes. I used my hands to cover my eyes and look what it is. The CDs I bought from the local supermarket in the city. Although most of them are pirated, but I loved them.

I crawled towards the bed and reached the CDs. There are cds which has some scratches, opened and without covers. I thoroughly read the titles one by one. It is not funny, but I laughed really hard. I remembered watching in our DVD player with my friends and invited some of my neighbours too. We used to jump from our seats to cheer for the character who is about to die. I remembered Justin who accidentally pushed a vase from the table and fell. It was broken to pieces which cut the noise of the crowd. They all looked to Justin with confused face while I was having an extreme nervousness because mom will be mad.

The silence is noticeably to all of our faces. I browse the whole CDs inside the box. Then suddenly, a cockroach appeared and flew over me. I moved backward and shake off my shirt. The cockroach flew heading to my old bed. I hurriedly grabbed a book from my bookshelf which I slowly hit the cockcroach. I didn't hit. It flew to the window's curtain and hide in a small hole. I sat at my bed and sighed. Since I was a young kid, my fear to cockroaches are very evident. Whenever I saw some of it in the floor,  and kill it if possible. If I didn't kill it,  then for sure I cannot sleep well that night.

I stood up from my bed to get out of my old room. I was about to hold the doorknob when I heard a conversation. Someone is telling something about selling the house since we are not living with it. I listened to their conversation which I never do before. I was crying while listening to them without knowing my tears are already running in my face. I hold memories in this room, not only memories but most of me is in here. I cannot opened the door, my hand is shaking. I felt weak. I want to run towards them and tell not to sell the house. When I was about to open the door, I was bitten again. Not an ant, but a snake?

Thank you for reading

Blog #38
3/5/22