The Odd Me
They say that im the weird one and not easily to be understand in the family , i have many hatred that i knew that was not acceptable in my age but it was has a great impact to me espeacially in growth . But i dont want it to be discuss in this platform .
Im the girl that :
Love to watch movies , anime,dramas - because this was my escaped to what i hate to hear in my surrounding , im not perfect i easily get displease and be uncomfortable . The genre that often watch is mystery i hate horror if you want to watch me with those stuff i totally ignore you for life . But if you tell me it was science fiction maybe i will watch it , a little bit romance i guess ,kidding im just still a girl ahaha love to be kilig
love to read a manga , novel - but trust me i hate lesson books kidding but whe i want to put my mind on it maybe i give it a shot, reading makes me go to places that i want , i want people to not mind me in my imperfection they almost give it a big deal as if they are the most perfect person i know .The genre that i almost love to read is the historical love story they were gown and such but i hate the roeme and juliet i hate the ending hahaha i hate tragic one , why woud i read a tragic one if the life in reality is almost tragic .
A girl who never want to go out in her comfort zone- i hate to be laugh out , i hate to be judge , your lucky if you see me in my other side , They say i was just a normal but nope i was talkative when im comfortable to that person and i give my trust but i hate the most is to feel betrayed.
I love crafts -when i was younger i have this dream to be a fashion designer , i was so feel like, damn why would i have those dream looking at myself my old fashion style and taste doesnt even reach those. But now look i start to create clothes not as great as the crafter but little by little i follow it. The reason i dont want to create a wearable is i dont know how to measure different sizes hahaha i just create it with my size . I love designing in secret.Im a crocheter
lazy- yes when i hate to do it you cant force me even though you use couraging words you cant change my mind easily.So my works is all pending they are finish in my mind and i forgot to type it out so when i read my works all i say is bitin i want more then again lazy hands again hahaha
hate to be girly - i hate to be girly and i hate to be compared to those girls at my age they say just wait she will have her time to met a man that change her perspective, oh come on i dont need a man to change me if i want to change their will be no man be involve , i will change because i just want it .
mysterious girl- they say im hard to read , well infact its the opposite i was easily be read but my friends told me that they hate it when im in my silence i dont know , but because my silence will be after math a very very err hard word to be said when i explode i hate that about myself because i cant control my temper anymore.
cared too much- that what i was being used , i know it but damned it was so hard even though i knew it , im the typical girl that i will protect you ,because i know the pain that no one protecting you , i have this bestfriend for almost decades and in fact she was my cousin she hurt me many times but i knew i was not perfect and she just knew that after a talk we will be okay but no i was hurt .
victim- they say i always the play the victim that awfull isnt, why would i play the victim in fact there they are the victim in their own fault word , im rather be the criminal than to play that shit , i just tell the truth then they blame me in their crazy action
Sibling love addict- i love my little brother so much cant live without him dare to hurt him then you will see the other side of me .
Night Owl- yes i do love to work at night my mind is awake just like this hour i write it down and post it tommorow i guess, im lazy at morning if it possible i will just laydown on my bed but nope .
animal lover - i hate the fact that they will kill a cocroach or a mosquito weird right
That was just few things about me , that i would like to share it so maybe, you can able to knew me in the way i write here , using this platform to open up my rants in life i guess , by the way im a lazy writer remember the one i posted i got lazy maybe posted a part 2 soon . So that all , may i ask what are the few things that makes you feel odd or unique.
Printer Tragedy
We though having a printer will solve all but no , just like me i though that but having is the great disaster , learning to fix it instead of saving up money i double it , im not the girl that always use my printer i think the main cause that my printer always have the error because i dont often use them when i use it many pages are being print but looking back those i learned how to fix somes but im not proud of it i learned and i spent maybe you can enligthen me , Im not that typical girl that i dont care about my stuffs but when somethings not right just like that i want to fix it right away but i dont have any scent right now but i have my ways to earned , but it was just realy troublesome really .
But that not the point right now i would like to share you some my experience in my printer in both the continous and not so let talk about the converted continous printer .
I got it last year and it last for almost 8 months ,yes you read it right that canon is pain in the ass the technician there is not worth to ask for he totally broke the printer and ask me to go there i want a refund because its under the waranty but he decline , instead of braging that stuff i know god knows his way to get back on that seller .
The first month i was happy because i earned that money for years then its go to waste , But the issues that i got there is listed below and the solution that i learned
1 . Misalligned print- the first as a beginner techny i run the maintenance and the result is not even fine i open the trank and then viola the wires is not even fix correctly i glue it and its work .In this i though it was okay now so i print out our school works especially my brother need it most .
2 . Color does not fix - i run again the maintence then as result again for the second time it was no yet fix then i notice the hose or the ink doesnt get in catridge ,i ask the technician in he's quiet alright at that time , he ask me to buy a suction tool i buy it and ask my uncle for guidance then its work. I purchased it means cash damn it .
3. Color does not print right color- if you think i misuse that printer my answer is no almost of the works i print is just 10 pages - 5 pages a day , so let go back to the topic so the color is not right i suction it and sady it does not get the color right i use it in my business especially for the freebie as i starter i really kind dissapointed because how can i print those stuff . I buy a new catridge and damn its really pricy i dont want to ask my parents so i earned again my mom just add a litte bit on my earnings so that i can afford it .So i buy it
Stock - This is my realization damn i stock my printer for almost a week i didnt print any then when i opened it and what i found out all light are blinking i did what can i do run the previous learning and this time the pro technician just broke it totally yes i followed him then what he want to say bring , i just ask a refund then i will deliver it back to him he refuse , you cant blame me those error that i got for many months i tried it because in the first place that was my very first purchase .
If you ask me if i feel regret i have this feeling a half half yes, because it was like my first buddy , all my stuff meant to me i tried to cherish it but ended up failing me just like people i cherish the most they often left me behind , just kidding haft truth. So enough with that lets proceed to the second one the story of this is i have already i side job so earned a little i buy a second printer again i told you i run a small business so it a must but this time i have a little problem with this ,
1. run of ink- this catridge is refillable and i dont know how to refill it right so i struggle for days but the black is nice so i have no problem with that , the coored one is the one i hate and love the most this was like "paasa" ( hope) but i know the error so just cahnge catridge i have again my savings , my saving realy save me my mom again help me , i was very dissapointed at me because i spend my parents money because of my stupidity , instead of buying it a food but it was just find with them .
2. colored catridge give up- what a name yes my cousin ask me to print some business card for her small business but what make me shock is all the lights are blinking, yesterday when i print it was alright i think the paper make it like that , but i think that not the case we have the same paper to print . the issues is this when i put both new catridge they blink i remove the colored catridge the new one the black is good it was printing nice and smooth , i add the old colored catridge and it was fine but it was empty the printer recognized it , But when i put those new catridge at the same time they both blink ghosh , i have this in my mind i think the new ctridge is at fault .
If someone knew how to fix it may you help me that would be great . And advance many thanks .
Your Not Perfect Love Story
***Disclaimer this was a work of fiction , if names and location are the same there were pure coincidence***
Its been a while since that had happened , it seem surreal that it was the same as now . I thought it was a happy ending this time , remembering our times together broke my heart . Seing you now with somebody else that i thought it was just your friend because you thought me .
"Aldrin , what is this ,i thought you , and her is just a friend but what .... what is the meaning of it"
"can you see were in relationship you loosy girl"
The girl in red gown spoke with her red lips, can i just slap her ugly face that are full of make up ,damn her , in all of people why would he choose that one ,full of plastic surgery
"Im Sorry Melany , i just fell out of love to you "
"so that its , so you decided to do this me, you knew what i been, but if its your decision then fine, i hope you dont regret this , so bye"
That brat crazy guy he dont deserve my love , how can i... been this left always missearable in this love . Maybe i was not destined to be happy , or i was destined to be alone , crazy me wishing this time ,this lifetime to be just happy
"Hey Young Lady enough of that, your drunk "
"what the heck , you dont care mind your hick! business"
"Crazy , but when i say enough ,enough dont give more drinks on her "
"who the hell are you ,you bossy guy"
my vision is starting to blurr but one thing for sure he has those ocean eyes that captivate my sense and everthing went black
"This lady seriously "
**I hate to admit it that i was being cheated , I give her all my** love and i get this in return ,stupid her
"You , bitch how could you , but dont worry you will regret this baby "
"No , Red listen to me, i been set up look ,there was a drug on my drink"
" Should i believe on you , when i had this evidences , different guys , different bed of roses , i though you were innocent and it turn out that you were a whore"
I start walking on the door living that girl that i should marry , i should go to the bar and freshen up but , how could i freshen up when i see this lady fully drunk damn it many guys are looking on her , she has those rossy cheeks, roundy eyes , pinkish lips, and a pointy nose and damn it why would i describe her , she was a goddess in disguise, Damn Red your not drunk . And in the end i was with her in this hotel , i was supposed to leave when she grab me and hug me and she started crying and
"Why would he do that to me , i just dont give her my all because i was reserving my all after the wedding"
"shh , cry now i dont know how to err comfort "
"all i want is just love and contented why does it happened evertime i give in , should i change the way i dress or the way live"
"No, your already enough, that guy is a jerk"
"Yes he was goddamn jerk , and i fall for him , wait who are you mister "
"Oh you must be a little okay now so in token , Im Red Frawl ,we had the same situation there sweety but "
"You cheated arent you ,you bastard!"
she was supposed to punch me when i grabe her arm
"Im not the one who cheated you brat , im the one being cheated, i thought she was reserving herself to me all the time , she wear dresses that i like follow my demands but it was just it was just a plan, to ruin my business ,stupid me "
a pat on my head suddenly and she kissed me and I protest she was not in her right mind and
"You ... must regret this , dont add fire on flame damn it "
i stand and start to walk on the door when she say
"I want you to pregnant me , so that i will not live alone , this is just my wish , im not perfect "
"Hey you told me that you reserve your body to the man you love "
"when will that happened in my other lifetime "
Maybe i should marry this women , and love her later
"Let get married first !"
**************
So Guys its been a while there let start with the basic , i was writing story that just pop up in my head not a perfect writer but i will give my best this was has a second part, hope you enjoy , What about You what would you think will happened next in Melany and Red , will they get there happy ending or not
The Younger Me In The Macdo
They say macdo is the one of the best fastfood, but for macdo is a bit unmemeorable and memorable one for me. Let me tell you how brat i am in my younger years so let start shall we.
My parents take me out for an award, because im a good kid and have an award in school so they take me out , so as a younger me i was so excited , exicited in toys because there is the collection that i want to complete the small barbie that a hair is up i forget the one it called ,But that what i wanted not the food haha, so my mom order our food my papa look at me while i play in the playground so as normal kid i was shy at first and start to get a long with those kids .
There are different types of kids that i notice, the crybaby ,brat ,the bully,loner and even the papansin one . Let say im the loner type in there i was just enjoying my company when this boy suddenly push me in the slides my face litterary face the floor it happened once and i let it skip for once then i play again as if there nothing happened. So time passes again he again push me i go iriritated and shout at him i got my parents attention and some people
"Ano ka ba kanina ka pa nanulak ah !"
he just laugh ,that damn brat if i remember his face right know i will literary punch his face .My mom got worried because my nose is red as in ikaw ba naman humalik sa sahig tingnan natin kung di mamula yan ilong mo . So my mom ask the boy mother and make a scene yes , i dont but ended up like that . The mother of boy is also a war freak , geez i dont even enjoy my time there so my mom get me and we eat silently but my mom said why didnt fight back there look at your nose dummy , i just smile i let passed mom because i though he will never do it again. Then i saw him just smirking and laughing at me in his sit seriously that kid . I know im cute just kidding .
But theres more so again in the anniversary or something we palan to go out so again in macdo , there is this boy who creep the hell out me he follow me hes a kid by the way and ask me some quiestion ,i know it was friendly approach but it just that the girls in the back just angry at me i dont know why and i told him
"Maybe you need to ask that girl behind you , she was starring me for the whole time!"
"But i was asking you not her "
i just dont mind him and continue playing then the girl approach me and pull my hair ,damn it that kid , my wavy hair is long so she easily pull that , i told her back off or else , she never let go and then i pull hair hair and she cry , by the way i was frame up and i was to blame there , geez do you think my era crazy there , but my father just laugh ad told me you are a macdo freak arent you always ended up with a little mess in that play ground . i just agree with him and eat .
Now ,let fastforward in my almost teeanage year yes , we eat again in macdo but not near in our area ,i was in girl or star scout so i was just checking the playground and remembering those days then suddenly the boy bump me and told me back off you dont play i play , i rolled my eyes and dont mind him ,i just looking and playing in the swing when the boy who bump me throw me a paper ball i dont were he get that so he was throwing more i got up and throw it him so he ended up loosing hahaha, the fun part there he was the other school who need to compete with it when i see him i smirk and say need a rematch ,He just smiled and agreed, we ended up loosing but i found a friend in there haha so it was not a fight after all .
There still memories that i knew i ended up with a little fight with fast food but this was the most i remember one .Im not the one who start the fight but i was just being involve ,crazy little me but now that i grow up i always want to seet near the playground of it because i remember the younger me playing there , creepy me haaha but i do enjoy watching those kid playing around, i like kids so much yet im strict .
How I Write My Reviewer and Additional Tips
Creating a reviewer that usually end up in the test and not. Some student end up studying all the lesson that the teacher gave and forgeting how to key notes the important one . And it became to much overload info and forgeting some importants facts . Reading and writing is the key to help your brain works and be familiar with .
So In here i will able to share how i key notes my notes
1. Read the Specific Lesson for more than 5x
Reading a specific lesson for more than 5 times help you to be fammiliar to the topic and it will able to refresh your mind on writing notes . Before i keep down some highlights of the lesson i need to be familiar with the one i writing . This is 100 % effective for me .
2. Eliminates the flower words, Write it short
After you read the topic you will able to notice that some words are just additional info in the key word so for example
Book-a written or printed work consisting of pages glued or sewn together along one side and bound in covers
just like this example above eliminating and left the most important part is a must, so you can able to remember the key points, I usually use short word with a specific meaning ,trust me it will be shown in your exam . Almost of my reviewer end up showing in the exam and how i create it, its my secret ,just kidding.
3. Reread and be fammiliar with the words
After you take down notes you can now easily understand all the main topics of your lesson you can able to check something if you forget the meaning . At least you are now familiar with the words that you are reading . And you can able to argue to yourself like, is this info that i studying correct it will motivate you to read it over again untill you understand it.
4.Memorize
Wait , it doesnt mean that there are the keyword in this note is you should memorize all your parapharase and short reviewer.My advice it, you should understand the lesson because if you just memorize those data, it just you wasting your time because after you use those information you will just forget it after it was done . It a major no for me if you were just like that then good luck. Im not a fan of memorizing, giving my memorizing a percent I will give it 10 % out of 100 % , i hate memorizing guys so bare with me i always escape this part of my study .
Bonus
1. Design
Do i need to design my notes ? my answer is yes you can able to design your reviewer so that you can easily remember the information facts. But for me as lazy i am, i dont want to make my life difficult ,I will just design my notes not my reviewer. Again its up to you to decide.
2.Highlighter
This is my favorite part ,as a person who doesnt want to make my notes dull even though im lazy designing my reviewer im addicted to highlighting my notes so that I can easily remember the key point, that I wish to remember so I can easily familliar with it . The color that i usually use is the neon colors their are easily gather interest and easily catch my eyes i dont want a dark color to my notes . Colorful is nice and makes you excites to read .
3.Pen
For my personal opinion and experience i want to use blue pen when creating a reviewer ,because the color blue is helping to cool the brain and relax minds. It helps to absorve all the information especially if its long and tiring. The green one is the major word that are most important make it colorful if you dont have highlighters.
4. FlashCards
I know you heard this word flash card , yes it makes you to understand that word ,i use flashcard when i was elementary as you can see guys i sucks in memorizing so i need to create effort to understand those meaning withouth frustating my brain . You can able to use flash card in anything you dare to understand faster , it was handy and cute haha (nacucutan sa index paper crazy me hahaha)
5. Snacks
No mind will work if you have an empty stomach ,everyone will agree with me with this . I remember the time that i forgot my breakfast and i almost didnt finish my exam (yan anime pa tanghali tuloy nagising kaya nakakalimutan kahit may luto na )so that was the last time i will skip my breakfast.
So as i said while reviewing of course you should partner it up with snack a healthy snacks so that your body and mind can works in your own accord.
6.Music
When i was reviewing i often play any kind of music that suits my mood. In my playlist an instrumental music with guitar is always present without the lyric,s just the melody so i can focus on what im doing . Then sometimes i want to just emote (kala mo naman talaga may pinag dadaanan eh hahaha) but the fun part their is it help to boost to understand what i read faster.
7.Motivation
We should have the motivation to study more such as , good luck future vet ,doctor ,engineer,programmer etc. Just like that , that reminds to our dreams if we dont know what are still doing and if its right i keep this in my mind ( Kailangan mag pursigi kasi panganay ka ) that will never leave my though i want to make my parents proud especially my little bro who look up on me .
8. Ask Guidance to The seniors
If you dont know what to do and you dont have a choice dont hesistate to ask for favors so that you can able to understand that specific lesson ,it help you writing your reviewer . Like me i often forget some points so i rely on my notes , i ask my fellow students for more info well not vulgar but In silent way ( shy type yarn hahaha).
9.God
Always ask for his guidance because he will never put you in your danger zone he will lead you the way to your greatness in hard way or in good way ,never loose hope or your beliefs on him . So study with him you will suprise that he will help you to your study . When i start my exam i always ask for his guidance .
*******
Im not intelligient kid ,i would rather say that im a hard working student , so how about you what is the way you write your reviewer . You can correct me if some words make you offend i will willingy accept and learned .
How I Train My Dog
We knew that one of the best buddy is a dog , they often called as a bestfriend of human kind but , well i cant agree there because there were right . But there are lot of animals are loyal to their friend just like doves, rabbit, cat and more.
Training a dog is not easy at all you must get her/his attention first . You can just say any command and he/she understand that and follow you . I would like to share my own experience on how i train my fur babies ,im not an expert but i want to share how I bond with my angels .
But first, do i need some toys or treats to obey me, my answer is abosolutely yes and no you will able to found out why in my following tips below
1.Know your pet
At first you must study your buddy know her body language and emotion ,the way he/she play with you ,is he/she rough enough ,how can you equally be with his/her playfullness . Especially if you got a puppy there were curious, so in my opinion when training a puppy it should be an age of 2 months . I start training my angels at that age and the curousity of their brain is just unexpected .They easily follow what i say and do .And know what their favorite toy or treats you can use that as the start of the training .
2. Get & Give her/him attenttion
Once you know your pet more you can easily get her/his attention you can easily train her/him . Training a puppy is an investment and rensponsibility because of time, if you want a obedient buddy then do the basic obedience so you both enjoy your time together. Once you knew her/his level of their playfullness you can now start the training and do some search on how to handle those .
3. Toys ,Treats & Petting
As i say earlier, toys , treats and petting are good best friend in training . Even people when it comes to their favorite they cant hesistate or their is the reason why they are hesistating so lets go back . Toys, you can use this as their training toy . My experience in my buddy is i dont use any treat but her favorite ball and once she sitted automatically i give her toy , i dont use any words in there at first but a hand Language .Dogs follows command in gesture not just words , word is just a secondary tool. So the training go on and little by little i add the word sit .And other tricks, I use treats a hotdog hahaha because thats our favorite snack .You can do both toys or treats. I dont want a training leash because i just felt like she/he was always in my control.
4.Commands
They says dog with tricks are intelligience, but for me not all dog who knows tricks are smart they were just train , the way i train my pup is how they discover that trick on their own and i will just guide them to remember their own skill . My male dog know how to escape in their cage, look how intelligient he is, no more commands but he is mischieve.
Commands ,the first thing you should teach your pup ,is stay (sana all nag stay char!),No, sit,laydown and go to advance just like high five roll over and so forth. My pups knows all the basic obedience but the stay is 5% they hate to stay in one place they want to follow me everywhere how cute is that.
5. Commander or an Alpha
As a trainer i dont expect to much with my babies because i knew they should enjoy their life ,but with a correction. I will be an alpha when needed but i want them to know their bounderies and cherish with them so they are good boys and girls . Actually they were the babies with tail of our family.
********
Again, im not expert this just my experience , so i just like to share how i train them with no pressure. So how about you How can you train your furry buddy ? Just comment and i will happily reading it and maybe i can adopt it to my angels .
Foolish Goal
**Foolish Goal**
To the man I used to Love,
I Just Want To say, Thank You For All the efforts that You made ...
But, I Know Im Not worth for Your Love ...
I Used to Demand of what you need to do..
I want You to Look Perfect for people..
For I always Hears that you always downgrade yourself for the sake of those shit..
Again,I become clueless that I already Hurt you in The way through..
I dont support you, that you wish i could..
It was so stupid of me ..
It was, because I want you to show Your extent Limit and give your best shot
I became so careless of not taking care of you , that i already loosing you
All I know ,That my love for you was not healthy anymore ..
I just want you To Be happy,content and fulfill without regrets..
Crazy me ,I dont care what people may think Of me ..
For I know the goal of mine is to make you the best that you can ever be..
For this foolish goal of mine ,I loosed you ..
I wish you the best ,even though im not part of it anymore..
I wish for the girl that support you in your best not in your worse ..
So This is y goodbye my love..
**Edited version**
Foolish Goal ( 03-01-2020)
To the man, I used to Love,
I Just Want To say, Thank You For All the efforts that You made ...
But, I Know I'm Not worth it for Your Love ...
I Used to Demand what you need to do...
I want You to Look Perfect for people...
For I always Hears that you always downgrade yourself for the sake of that shit...
Again, I become clueless that I already Hurt you in The way through...
I don't support you, that you wish I could...
It was so stupid of me...
It was because I want you to show Your extent Limit and give your best shot
I became so careless of not taking care of you, that I already losing you
All I know, That my love for you, was not healthy anymore...
I just want you To Be happy, content, and fulfill without regrets...
Crazy me, I don't care what people may think Of me...
I know the goal of mine is to make you the best that you can ever be...
For this foolish goal of mine, I loosed you...
I wish you the best, even though I'm not part of it anymore...
I wish for the girl that supports you in your best, not in your worse...
So This is my goodbye my love...
***********
Here the raw and edited version of my poem title Foolish Goal ,this was dedicated and inspired with my friend who just like a dictator to her relationship,seriously girl you need to grow
Autumn
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
**Autumn**-It's been a while since I feel this cold breeze in this afternoon, As I settle down myself at the bench and noticed this old lady at her 80's writing a letter. I didn't notice that I start following her actions and she gaze after me as if I need a guidance from her , she moved out and maybe she feel uncomfortable because a stranger like me starring at her then but I was wrong she utterde something that catch my attention
"Is there anything wrong young lady in my face!"
'Uhm, nothing Madame it just you were familiar!"
"Well it's a pleasure of mine that you recognize me, so what do you want?"
"Hmm nothing, I just want to talk someone to clear my mind, to tell you honestly I want to abort this child in my womb!"
I touch this little bump in my stomach, what a careless woman I have been
"Silly girl do you know that many women want to have a child but it's too late and can't, then you can easily say that "
"I'm useless right! we create this problem and now I want to runaway alone!"
"Don't make the same mistake I did, when I was Young!"
What with this woman, trying to say that we are the same, she seems wealthy and have a carefree married life. She so weird maybe I need to leave, as I stand up to walk away to this woman, she hold my hand
"Wait! I know that you found my words so weird and please don't walk away from me I want to tell you something, if you don't mind this will make your head clear and I'm not married I've been lonely for my rest of life, which I regret the most"
I sat down and listen to her
**T**ick Tock! Tick Tock! -As the alarm ring I turned it off and throw it somewhere to sleep again, that was a ridiculous alarm clock. I'm Crystal Amari , I was so hot and I love exploring new things. Right know I'm in California enjoying the view and the coffee. Tomorrow morning maybe I go to Greece, but before that I should go out to enjoy. While walking at the sea side, I bump on someone, he so hot but sorry young man, I'm not interest in you
"I'm sorry! for bumping at you "
"Well it's not okay really, you need to treat me a drink!"
"Well a drink for this lady then!"
Without any resistance I follow him I'm already old enough to enjoy my youth so why bother, but I don't know, that day was the start of our love, we go around the California and explore.
"Dear! That was fantastic I want to explore the whole world with you !"
"Me too ! Love "
He stare at me as if I'm his world ,that was the frst time that someone look at me like that ,Some of my previous relationship they just use me and take for granted of my body ,I'm too dumb to realize those stuff I'm to young that time .Right now, I want to settled down and create a family with this man .I feel his lips in mine and make the night wonderful like the moon .
"Good Morning !"
He kissed me ,what a wonderful morning to start on
"What do you want for Breakfast? Bacon ?"
"You !"
and smiled brightly to him
"Silly ! Get up you need to eat , you don't eat your dinner yesterday!"
And my stomache start to growl, he start to laugh
"Damn ! "
"Told you ! now get up or it will be cold !"
"I don't want I want sleep !"
"no you don't "
He start to carry me ,I bridal style I guess this type of carry ,as I to stare at him , He has this brown straight hair, thick eyebrows, deep roundy chocolate eyes , long eyelashes as if he was a girl, I wish I have those eyelashes ,pointy nose , and definetly his kissable lips that I want to kiss forever.
"Am I handsome enough ! to qualify to be your husband !"
"You were perfectly fit !"
We start laughing and start our breafast and start to travel to Paris ,were also known as the lover country many couples were here and you know what the couple do ,make the lock promise and as one of those we are here standing in front of many lock and
"Here I got one for us !"
"silly told you that we don't need those ,our love is enough !"
"Nu uh !,I want you to experience this kind of stuff my Love "
"Can I Change your mind ! ?"
"You Know the answer of that !"
He so romantic , and sometimes I feel embarrased to myself because im not the romantic type of a girl who make surprises to a guy.As we do those cheesy thing ,I start to imagine thing like to surprise him we are already near a year so maybe I will create a surprise for him to our year anniversarry.
"Why Are you smilling there dear ,may you share your thoughts on me !"
"Nothing I just remember something funny !"
"Okay as you say so !"
Suddenly his phone rang and I make a sign go on answer that and start planning my surprise party to him ,I dialled my phone and make a book on Greece ,because that the first time we met ,and told the organizer the thing that I want,then he approach me wth a smiled on his face ,but I think something is wrong
"Are you okay ?!"
"yes ,its nothing personal problems!"
"can you share it with me ?!"
"Not this time ,some other time I will tell you but now I want to enjoy ourselves first okay ,is that okay ?!"
"okay !"
Normally we ended our day taking pictures but not today he seem out of his mind ,maybe I need give him space today and continue what im thingking
"Dear I will just go out for a while is that okay I need to buy something !"
"I will go with you !"
"No you stay okay ,trust me I will be back "
He sighed and agree with me ,I go out to our hotel and travel don to the shop were the jewelry was made and told them to engrave on the ring the date and our names. Thingking about this, it should be him buying ring for us.But no I want to make the day special to him so im making this stuff even though its so cheesy and girly .I get the ring a day before and we are now here at the airport and he seem so cold to me , I don't know he was easily get irritated on smaler things and I don't intend to make her anger to be explode and make it pass ,Then he will cuddled me and saying sorry .It was okay for me ,because I know that it was connected to his personal affairs . The sad part is that I don't know him fully but I trust his love and that was enough.
The Day of our Anniversarry everything was settled the place ,the surprise and anything .
"Dear I need to tell you something !"
"Later Hubby ,It can wait okay !"
"But !"
"No But !"
"Fine !"
He surrender and follow me around the Greece and mesmirizing those past that we met ,such a wonderfull memories of ours, even though it was short time .
Evening has came so fast then I start to blindfold him and guide him to the place
"Are you ready !"
"I wish Im ready for this !"
And start to unblind the fold
"HAPPY ANNIVERSARRY MY LOVE !"
"Damn babe you make this all ,I feel like a gay !"
"Don't be its okay ,it just !"
We start to dance ,eat and the final surprised
"BABE ! IS THAT WHAT YOU MAKE ALL THE YEARS THAT YOU'VE GONE ,SPENDING THE YEAR WITH THAT BITCH !"
A girl shown up ,and that was my greatest nighmare
"What is the meaning of this !"
"Love let me explain,that not wht you think it is "
"then what !"
"It was all about my ..."
"shut up ! LET'S GO HOME YOUR SON WAS WAITING FOR YOU !"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CELESTINE ! THAT CHILD WAS NOT MINE !"
He face the woman and
"I think you need to talk "
"No lets face this together !"
He grab my hand but I let go and walk away
"Face it yourself dear ,I will be waiting to the hotel !"
The he followed how I instruct him but my mind wish he follow me ,but it just dismayed mysef for wishing it could be .
At the hotel room as I waited for him ,I saw the door open and before my mind loose I give him a harsh kissed and locked the door .For one last time let me make love with the man that I will love for the last time . I put the ring that I personally customized for him and me at the table .and mesmirizig those past that we shared togeter was happy and genuine .
But the sad part is that he was already engaged on someone and have a son ,Then he woke up . One last look on him then, and I'm scared to the point that I already lose my mind, I talked harshly to him and throw things on him, maybe this love was not mine after all, short time short love. That time I give in and start packing my luggage and when he was out I left without traces but only the rings that was engrave for us .
"Good Bye! My love! "
I board myself to Germany were my original plan is, I enjoy myself go to bars, spent my days with my so-called friends and forget about him. But I'm not a stone that I don't feel anything at all I've been hurt for the first time and I make a terrible mistake. As a woman I know how it feels to be hurt and betrayed. I Should just travel and explore more without loving someone, I'm afraid that I will be hurt again. I don't stay in one place my family is already a decease so no one will be care anyway. Traveling on Paris make me a bitter to those lovers and I remember him , I visit the Eiffel Tower what a masochist I am. Going to the bar is my routine I drank a hard drink then something was not usually on me I saw blood running through my legs and I collapse.
As I opened my eyes, I look out my surroundings and found myself staying in hospital with the doctors surrounding at me, I need to know what is wrong with me.
"Doc, what wrong with me!"
"Ms. Amari you were pregnant for 8 weeks now, but sadly we can save your baby, you have a miscarriage and its affect your ovary you can't bear a baby in the future!"
That's not a problem I can live my own, who need a baby anyway, that was just an distruction in my ways, so rest in peace my unborn child I don't even know, that you were there. What a sad news I have, I laugh and start crying and I don't know why, maybe a little empathy to myself and ask the doctor when I can leave.
"Thank you, doc, so when will I can be discharge ?!"
"Few more days , you may leave and pay your bills"
"So, your leaving!"
A man shown up and I just look at him and give a cold shoulder never been fool again, and thank him for saving me that night. Once is enough twice is too much and damages has been made. So the morning came and again , I travel any country I wish to go , for that I thought that it was good for me and a paradise of me that will make me complete and heal .Years passed and been invited to our reunion of our class, and I find it so weird for myself, for I am the only one who was not married ,for my peers has almost have the perfect family. Here I am stuck between the paradise ,and heartcache I once knew, that make me realize that it was not enough, having a family make my emptiness complete but I'm too much late, I can't have my own.
"Amari where your husband, why are you alone here!"
"I'm not married!"
Sad but truthfully, I can't marry a man for I know that a man will hurt me so I devour myself travelling in different places, that I thought it was paradise for me. But who I am to fool myself having a family will made me complete, making myself alone at this state is awful. Why does I need to realize it today were it was too late, I leaved the reunion after answering her question. What if I have my child, maybe I dress her up and make her a princess, or make a man out of him dress him like a prince, I sigh that was just full of hopes and never will come true.
"Papa! Look the lady is crying I should give her my hanky!"
"Sure, son but be careful okay! "
"Hmm, Auntie don't cry anymore I want you to hold this hanky of mine and brush your tears away for I believe a lady should not cry!"
I brush my tears and hug this little boy, if my unborn child was alive, he's been this age right now. Again, regrets I waste my youthful years for nothing for believing that I was contented, yet here, I am empty. So, I decided to visit my child tomb it's been years my child, I know I'm not worth it to be your mother, for I don't care on your welfare when you were in my womb.
"**S**o, you need to be aware on something having that child on your womb is a blessing, it just that my name mean blessing but I'm not bless enough to enjoy, so I will be alone until my last breath "
I hugged her, and after hearing her story I want to keep this child of mine and fulfill his/her need.
"If you don't mind, you don't mention the man that you once loved, where is he!"
"He died on a car accident because of me, he wanted to find me but that happens!'
"I'm sorry to hear that, thank you mama!"
"What do you call me, mama?"
"Yes, for I believe that you need to hear it "
"Well thank you then it was an honor be called like that, I think the father of your child is hunting you with care , he was walking toward us right know!"
"Hmm, thank you!"
"Oh, sweety don't leave me again I can't bear to lose you, don't do it again you will be the death of me!"
As I was busy to my future husband, I don't notice that mama is nowhere to be found, that old lady lives a sad life I wish her a good health.
**W**hat a day I have, need to take some meds so this pain will go away I'm alone and no one will care for me. But I want to write to my old self, but suddenly a song played and the song kind of related to me.
*Sometimes I've been to cryin' for unborn children*
*That might have made me complete*
*But I, I took the sweet life and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet*
*I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that cost too much to be free*
*Hey lady, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me*
*Dear old self,*
*I want to tell you that your so stupid and dumb woman, you have the full chances but you let it slipped easily, so many chances that God let you but you ruin it that why you suffer alone, if you have the chance to change it. I want you to change the day you leaved your man because of your heartache ,I want you to fix it then you may able to leave your own happy life but, I know funny thing, Is that this will not change a thing for I know that my time is almost over ,I need to rest for I'm restful"*
I drink my champagne for the last time and sleep on my bed with a good dream.
"Mama, I been waiting for you, why does you come late papa is waiting for you!"
"My child, your alive!"
"Yes, sweet heart, we are waiting you to come, and now you're here with us we can now live happily, so will you take my hand for the second time "
"Yes, sweet heart I will come with you, to the both of you "
I hug them both and cried, promising myself I will never let them go again, I held their arms and go with them happily now I found my own happiness, wishing this dream will never end.
Later on, that day it was been aired that the model in her decades name Crystal Amari died on her bedroom with a smile on her face and her diary was been published for it was her last wish.
The diary became a top seller for it wants to make every woman cherish of creating , having a family makes them complete and living alone with wealth is not happy at all, too much freedom will cause you emptiness.
****************
This was my entry in my club on my second year ,because we were supposed to pass a theme of bitter sweet with our entry form
That One Who Got Lost
Living in this cruel world that we dont know that we can able to survive . Many people sacrifice ,end ,giving up , their own life without knowing the positivity of the life that we are given to us people. People who was being abuse by the the law ,environment, people and such .
And sadly i was a victim of that cruelty , a friend that we thought that are there forever with your ups and down . But life must go on and strive more to depend ,to change the perspectives of our lives. This is not a fairy tail that it all goes with our plan, the above will change all of that he destroyed the plan that he think that will put us in our danger zone .
They say why does he give this ,because he knew that we people can make it and handle it . Just like me in my senior high i was being bullied with my beloved so called friend ,yes bullying is still alive they thought that it was being ended just like that because of the law. Some student are afraid to tell what is happening . Teenagers nowadys are a closed book ,they just keep them theirselves. Just like me i keep my mouth shut in the school yet i tell my parents what happening to me . I got depressed that i dont know that it might happened to me ,because i am a positive person. I got that, when everything is that i cannot hold the control, problem at home, major project that put my grades at risk almost didnt finish my grade 11 because of some unresponsible group mates with their mouth is just full unreasanable reason that i hate to hear anymore . And i dont know that, it will end up my doom they use that to bring me down to my positivity and problem solving . I can't catch up the rope that i keep fixing that time that are almost cut .
But you know what ,way back their, God helping me to fix my broken self , he gives sign , another group of friends and A paw to fix myself that i though i ended up those dark spaces . And yes i still fixing and creating my self ,yet their still the friend that keep me backward and their is someone who told me that I need to grow and left the people who wreck me so much.And yes God making it his way ,he remove the people who dont need to fix my broken soul and i thank him for that.Because now everthing back on the track .
And the continuation of restoring he gave me My Lala and Brando a friend of mine my lovely dogs that save me in danger and the first time that break my heart so much , My lala just "salo" the sickness that i have their ,i lost my apetite for almost 4 days then my father told me that lala just died suddenly and that day my body just restored ,the heck with dogs sacrifice their self to me . I cried all day and day because she was my first furbaby female. And I saw her brother looking at me and petting me and just got back up and i have him she didnt left me alone .
Days pass and i entered my college entrance and got pass . And he was just a boy who greet me with those cute waggling tail saying , you do a great job and when I pass he was great in great joy and I hug him . I start the school , Im not lucky enough to start a great day to college more misfortune happened, my bottled got broken because i trust to much and i knew she didnt want to hold my bag for a sec and that the sign that it will never the same anymore . A tree branch fell on my head got late in firts cermony. Almost didnt got home because it was still new to me to attach the way back home .
Everything was fine and my birthday come and I met her for the first time those cute eyes that i though it was a cat but a dog , I will have another dog and brando will not be alone anymore . They play and play but tragedy will not left me then , brando save me from accident that will happened, i have the dream that i will be crashing one of the car in going to school.And morning my Father said that brando was accidentally escape and got crash .Again and again i was left miserable again , i let my pacy roam in my room teach her the same tricks that i teach to my babies and she adopt and fetch ball . To cope up the sadness that my boy left me ,another heartbreak .
And the restoring of myself continue with her ,she saw my ups and downs in my room , she was my alarm clock, my buddy, one of my savior and that i Got my name
" PACY PawCrafts " were i name after her the business that i start to run , were because of her i got to start my hobby that i keep hidden i create her clothes and start my small business.
So Everyone , i hope that you will not stop believeing yourself because god is always their to test us and help us to cope up . So Dont give up easily .
And yet teenager nowadays are prown of depression there are to soft to handle the situation of each individual , even though the teacher correct them in their mistake they will cry ,think of that there are not enough ,shitty attitude where does filipino in there for I know every filipino know how to acccept and learned . So as A Filipino im happyly says that i know i can, because im not alone he was their all the time with us in disguise of our parents, pets, family or either of our Friends.
So Nice meeting you everyone im CraftPaw or PawCrafts . And this is my, how i start my Journey.
@CraftPaw
