A lot of famous couples are going separate ways nowadays, even the strongest relationship may collapse too.

It's heartbreaking. Devastating. Such a shame.

But that's just reality. Marriage is hard work. I'm not married yet, but my partner and I live together with our child. And I'm very family-oriented. By the way, as I was saying, marriage is like a plant. You need to take care of it for it not to die (unless it's plastic/decor). You can't say that you forgot to water it, place it under the sun for a nice heat, put fertilizers or growers, etc. You should be intentional or else, one day it'll be wilted.

And nowadays, people seem to be taking marriage lightly that if it's not perfect or things don't go as they wanted, they'll just give it up. But the truth is, no marriage is perfect.

I just like this topic because I've been witnessing marriages falling apart, on social media, back when I was still in middle school (high school is the term here in the Philippines), in our neighborhood, among my friends. As if it was so mainstream all along. And I've been very observant.

I am not an expert in marriages, maybe I've just watched too many Korean Dramas. Kidding aside, I guess it's safe to say that I witnessed the marriage of someone close to me, fail.

Marriage requires two parties who love one another enough to do what it takes to make their marriage last.

There will be a lot of common problems that arise during your lifetime. That's why you have this commitment that together, you will work through those problems, and continue to build a long-lasting relationship.

Disclaimer: What you're about to read are just my observations and collections of what I learned from the past years. I'm not a family expert, and I'm very much open to your thoughts, comments, and suggestions.

Here are some of the most common marriage problems:

1. UNFAITHFULNESS

It starts in the mind. If we are not faithful at the beginning with our minds, it will manifest in our actions later on. And sadly, infidelity is among the top reasons why married couple separates. Yes, it's hard to forgive, forget and trust again. It is disorienting when your spouse suddenly goes the wrong path.

You don't marry someone with the intention to go flirt with somebody later on. Infidelity doesn't necessarily have to mean having sex with someone outside your marriage, it can also be without the actual sexual intercourse but having a sexual desire that is not for your spouse.

Some of the common reasons why married people cheat are revenge and sexual or emotional dissatisfaction. I won't go over these problems so much, I just want to share my insights.

Now what are the possible solution for this:

• Prioritize communication. Be transparent. Communicate your need.

• Set some boundaries. Don't put yourself in doubtful situations.

Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. It is greener where you water it.

2. ADDICTION

Too much of anything is bad. If you are too addicted to your work, games (online/mobile), specific group of friends, gambling, alcohol, online sabong (cockfight), and everything addictive, expect that it will gradually cause the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse.

Your marriage needs to be a top priority in life, yes, number one! And let's admit it when you are addicted to something it tends to be the priority.

Some of the common reasons are; love of money, lack of discipline, and lack of will and motivation. Yes, the lack of will and motivation can push you to become addicted to something, like video games. Some people are just not motivated enough to do something that needs to be done, something that they don't realize can help them, they tend to just waste their time playing video games.

Possible solutions are:

• Choose your circle of influence. If for example you are addicted to alcohol, then it's best to be distant from your friends that always invite you to drinking sessions. It's hard to be free from an addiction that you are surrounded by.

• Get professional help if you need it.

• Do something to hold yourself accountable.

I find this article about accountability very helpful.

3. DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

Before getting into marriage, there are things that you and your partner should discuss and agree on. These are negotiable and non-negotiable. Of course, all of us have different perspectives on things and that's very much normal but when you come together in marriage you both need to compromise to make it work.

What's your viewpoint about faith, money, values & morals, giving financial assistance to parents, living separately from parents, having children, and how to discipline them, who will do what household chores and the list goes on.

My partner and I have very different personalities and perspectives in life, but that's where our communication started to grow because we talk about a lot of things. And that's where we get to know each other more, for example, we tend to try each other's preferences on food and beverages.

You have to be on the same page with your spouse about certain things, or your marriage is going to be a fight from the start.

Common reasons are different contexts, backgrounds, and upbringing.

So what could you possibly do about this?

• Compromise. It's better to bend a little than to break.

• Again, communication is crucial. Don't let unresolved issues destroy your marriage.

Unresolved issues, the iceberg that destroyed our Titanic.

4. TOXIC PEOPLE

Toxic people are everywhere. These are the people that have little to no contribution to the growth of your relationship. They are the ones who always tell you to leave the relationship once you have problems or sometimes they cause conflict. They are the negative people who are bad influences in your marriage. These can include friends of the same sex, or the opposite sex, family members and in-laws, and ex-partners.

Possible solutions for this:

• It's best to go away from these people as soon as possible. You don't need them. If they are your in-laws, respect them (and love them still) but as much as possible, stay away.

5. CHILDREN

Yes, children. They have the ability to bring a married couple closer than ever. You worked together to create a life. You now have a deeper connection than you ever have before. BUT, children can also put a serious strain on your marriage.

Most of the time, marriages can become child-centered. You eventually lose time to intentionally nurture your relationship because most of your time goes to your children, energy, and even resources.

Your marriage, your partnership used to be your main priority, and now your responsibilities have shifted, and children are the main focus. We were always overwhelmed, stressed, and emotional and most of the time, you have the tendency to vent it all out on your spouse. This should not be.

What can you do? Keep dating your spouse. Spend quality time with him\her. May your spouse be your top priority.

But then again, these are all just some of my observations in life. There are lots of common problems in marriages such as lack of communication, prolonged long-distance relationship, unforgiveness, personal issues, money, sex, poverty, and more!

There may be lots of reasons to break up and separate, may you find even just one reason to stay. Just one reason to fight for your marriage.

Marriage is all about teamwork, a good husband makes a good wife. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. A great marriage consists of two imperfect people trying their best to love each other no matter what. So don't let these common marriage problems keep your relationship from thriving. ❣

I know this is not the usual introductory post. But I assure you that my next article would be about me. It's just that I have a lot in mind right now even though I know that pouring it out will make it less of a burden.

There, I hope you enjoyed this post. And I hope you are all doing fine.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

By the way, I would like to mention @Bjorn for his article You Are Doing Great, Keep Going. I enjoyed reading it because I felt welcome, I felt that I'm not alone in this journey. Thank you so much for inviting me here at read.cash!

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