The Uncanny Disappointment

• Lead image by me.

The uncanny disappointment: what I ordered vs what I got.

People who know me well know that my mantra is that when you expect certain things from certain people or you except a certain outcome and it doesn't go as you wanted, you get hurt more than you should.

Expectations equal Disappointment.

We all know that I should have known, I should have not expected, in the words of a certain Nigerian comedian "How could I make suchhh a mistake, sinzu money like me?"

It's funnier when you hear the comedian say it, trust me😂.

Let me give the latest example of my expectation versus my reality.

Do you have that thing or that particular scenario you think of that just puts you in a bad mood? I think we all do. You know those Twitter threads of what you ordered versus what you got, that’s sort of it but with my life, school life precisely.

I wish I could color how wild and interesting I expected my university life would be when I discovered I got admission into my University except I'm very bad at drawing and my imaginations are glum now. The University, the Federal government, and the Country have managed to squeeze the last trickle of excitement when a warning strike was declared by ASUU a few weeks ago.

I'm not remotely excited about anything at the moment, that's why I've not even been able to write, I've just been off lately. I would just think about all these and get angry. It was that bad.

I was fine for a few days after the strike, I was living, more existing than living though till I joined my sister in watching the latest episodes of grown-ish at that time which I deliberately stopped watching.

Grownish is the spin-off of the ABC series Black-ish, it is basically Zoey Johnson’s university life.

I should have remembered why I stopped it but amidst the whole Aaron-Zoey-Luca debacle, I completely forgot, it was so nice to watch the way Aaron looked at Zoey, the way Luca looked at Zoey that I forgot to stop thinking and my thoughts spiraled to my sad life.

‘This was supposed to be my life, I was supposed to be the Zoey in my school', you can’t envisage the extent to which I’ve thought about this, I was supposed to have different guys pining after me, I was supposed to be ‘that girl', the one that everyone envied because of the money, the car, the guys and the looks but we can’t always get all we want, can we? Instead, I find myself looking for various ways to ration the stipend I get every week to keep Sapa away😂😂, I sometimes wonder how it’ll feel to afford everything I want and I don’t mean just my basic needs. I mean everythinggggg.

To worsen the whole situation, Zoey has graduated from college and I'm at home because of bad governance, I'm stuck in this phase of my life till God knows when.

I just want to move on, and get something else to do to actualize my dreams. Sometimes I just want to skip to the good part, the part where I've achieved everything I always wanted.

I wish life had a fast-forward or skip button.

I know you're probably thinking 'But Zoey's just fictional' but I just can't help it.

The funny thing is I know I’m not the only disappointed one. I'm pretty sure there are so many disappointed people reading this, I just happen to be the one voicing this out right now.

Orrr you might be lucky and you got everything you wanted and expected, if you're you got to give me pointers.

At the moment, I'm just living, not expecting anything, turned off my expectation radar completely.

I'm trying hard not to be too hard on myself, make use of these times to do things I haven't discovered yet😄.

If you are like me too, don't be too hard on yourself, it'll work out in the end.

Yayyy, so I wrote most of this article a while ago, can you relate to it?

If you can or can't, tell me.

Thank you for reading🤗

April 9, 2022.

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