Whenever I stumble upon any issue that bothers me around love and marriage, I feel so handicapped not because I don’t know what to say but because of what I see in our society and how people mistake lust for love. It is very imperative to state clearly that the issue of marriage and love has become an age-long discussion that is yet to have a comprehensive conclusion. This is because of the increase in material gain in relationships other than true love. So, I will like to lend my voice to that those who have spoken largely about love and marriage. For me to do justice to this article I will look at both love and marriage from the angle of the man and the woman who are both caught up in it. First, let me make a distinction between love and marriage. Love can happen to anyone at any time either suddenly or not and it can exist without leading to marriage. Marriage on its own is a joining together of two or more persons who have decided to take their journey of love to another level. This can come with or without the issue of bearing children.
Looking at the two distinctions of marriage and love, I will now relate it to how it affects both the man and the woman independently. Mind you, I am looking at this issue with the concept of marriage between a man and a woman i.e. a marriage of old.
The Man
The man sees himself as the head of the house because of the understanding that he has toiled all his life to raise money with which he will use to marry a wife for himself. This makes him see the woman either as his possession or property he must have to acquire in life before he will say he is a complete man. The truth is that once a man develops this mindset towards marriage he will lose focus on the core value of marriage and why it was instituted. For the Christians (I presume that other religions think and see marriage alike) marriage is and was instituted by God for the sole aim of companionship which is expressed through love. This is why love should be the first reason why a man will think of marriage meanwhile if as a man you see your wife as your possession or property, how do you intend to make the woman your companion? Can you imagine making your electric kettle your companion?
What is the Role of a Companion?
The role of a companion is well stated but most times we become so blinded by our selfish and inhuman desire which makes us not see or even understand it. The companion gives the man a shoulder to cry when the chaos of life is trying to overwhelm him. It is the companion who will be there to share the story of his ups and downs with him without judging him. The companion will be there to advise him when he needs a listening ear and most especially, it is the companion who will give him the warmth he deserves even in the middle of the night. Now, if the man is seeing the companion (woman) as a piece of furniture that he possesses, how will furniture or a washing machine be a companion?
Let us look at the woman as regards marriage from her point of view.
The Woman
The woman sees herself as a jewel that should be pampered at all times and cared for at all times. Most times this feeling becomes so rooted in them that they forget that they were first humans before getting into marriage. The woman will want the man to always be there for her, give her a listening ear, and provide for her by way of buying gifts and other things. She would also want the man to protect her above all things. Now, when a woman allows herself to grow in these feelings she will at some point forget that the man is also a human who deserves the same things she wants. This is the reason why we have more widows than widowers. The man is so pushed that he even forgets that he is a human and not a machine all because he is working so hard to meet the unending demand of the woman.
Now, if the woman can understand that the man is as human as she is and has the tendency to break down and even fail to fulfil his promises, there won’t be problems in the marriage but the reverse is the case. In our society today, there is an increase in material awareness than love in relationships. This has led a lot of men into what they were unable to come out of and in that way they lost their sanity or worst still their life. The rate at which material things have become the other of the day is so alarming that a normal young man cannot feel very comfortable talking to a young woman about love or even marriage without enough cash to show for it.
The Negative Effect
When a young man is meant to understand that money is the bedrock of the love you are professing to him as a girl, he will not take you seriously and even if the relationship finally ends in marriage, divorce will be very imminent. Because of this high degree of material gain, true love has been thrown away which has turned marriages into nothing but hell on earth. A lot of married people will give anything to become unmarried again but it seems so difficult for them because of the society and the stigma that comes with it. I do ask myself; why would a marriage end in divorce, for me it is simply because love was negated from the onset. I am with the school of thought that believes in love. For some, love no longer exists and this has made them treat the issue of marriage with the same mentality.
The Way Forward
We can only have a marriage where love becomes its foundation when both the man and the woman come to understand their role and make sure to play it without forgetting that they are there for each other and not for their interest. Our society must be ready and willing to let go of this materialistic approach to love because if we do not put a check to it, we will get to a certain period when marriage will be very hard to attain. Lastly, we must accept that love and marriage cannot be separated because it is this separation that breeds selfishness and divorce. Let us not forget that love is made known through companionship.
For those who are already married, I wish you a peaceful married life and for those who are yet to do so, I pray you to find true love which will lead you to sweet and unending married life. I love you all, please stay safe.
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