Impostor Syndrome

Goodday everyone? How are you doing today? It's sunday so I'll be cooking a lot after which I'll probably try to sleep or watch some movies later in the day. The sat part about Sunday is knowing that Monday is just around the corner. Tomorrow, I'll have to continue keeping up with the corporate world and keep counting the time till the day is over. Anyway, how are you doing? And how was your night?

Last night I had a fight with someone very dear to me. At the end, I felt like I could be easily dispensable. I lost my appetite and I couldn't write, but I'm glad and that things are better between us now. A part of me is still scared though scared in ways I've never been before scared of the unknown and the possibility of what could happen in the future. I don't know why I'm ranting about this here lol

On another note, I received a notification from WordPress yesterday celebrating my 7 years anniversary. I didn't realise it had been seven years since I opened a WordPress account, and guess how much I had done on it? Nothing! absolutely nothing! I started using it to comment on other people's articles probably last year or the year before that, but apart from that, I've not actually posted anything there.

I always wanted to write articles or flash fictions there, but I usually struggled with my identity as a writer. I felt like I never really found my niche, even when it seemed like I was tilting towards a particular side, I worried that I was not being very original. I worried that if I got ideas from a prompt or inspiration from anywhere like a movie, a conversation, a song, observing people or my surroundings, then I was a fraud. I felt that I somehow had to come up with something that has never existed and is not a part of any other person’s reality until I bring it to light.

I now know that I was not being fair to myself. My words, world building, inspired ideas were all mine. I wasn't plagiarising or paraphrasing someone else's work; I conceived the ideas and wrote about them. I've gotten to understand that no idea is truly new; someone somewhere have also thought of it. I remember participating in a sort of writing competition on wattpad some years back that required us to write using word prompts. After submitting, I realised someone had also submitted the same time as me with the same story idea! We literally wrote the same thing with different words and guess what I did? I took mine down. That's something I don't think I will ever do now.

Two years ago, I was in a similar situation again. A writing competition with given word prompts and someone wrote a similar story as me. This time around, I didn't take it down, I was proud of my work and how I had put my story together. I didn't care much if it might reduce my chances, I just thought "may the best story win". At the end of the day, my own story was advanced to the next round. It was really the confidence boost I didn't know I needed.

While some doubts may still creep up from time to time, I'm glad to say that I'm not how I used to be. I have experienced growth without realising it. And little by little, I'm putting myself out there and welcoming all constructive criticism. I love my work being properly critiqued so much.

In one of my writers group, I made friends with the most honest critic there and liked getting his honest opinions on my writings while most people didn't like him. Some went on to say that they only wanted to hear nice things about their work. The problem with criticism is that when it is done right, it feels like a learning moment. Some people tend to be rude or insulting while claiming to be critics. I believe criticism should be constructive and candorous.

Now, I know that all those times, I struggled with imposter syndrome; the feeling that I was not as good as people said I was, the feeling that I was just faking my competency and soon people would find out that I was unoriginal. Apparently, this is a very common feeling amongst authors and it's good to know that I wasn't the only one feeling that way.

If you've ever had impostor syndrome, please leave a COMMENT and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE