Even as I write this article, I still feel the guilt beating right on the inside of me. Though it wasn't my fault that he died neither is the guilt coming from his demise, it is coming all from the fact that I still held a grudge against him!

Most times in life, this don't go the way we want it to. Instead, it would rather give us the worst than leave us empty. I am very cautious when it comes to talking about myself and family, but as I read through some articles tonight, I found one reminiscing about the good day the writer had spent with his younger brother before he died of an illness. One could literally feel the writer's pain as he pours his heart and agony into writing. As I read through the paragraphs of this sad-filled letter, Gbam! It hits me so hard. The very thing I thought had been forever sealed away from my memory. But here it is, the only guilt that I ever had.

While I was Growing up, things weren't easy, not for me but for my mom. She had to work very hard to provide for her children's physical needs and still had to be the perfect mother to train and provide her kids with the necessary value. One would think she is a single mother but far from it, she does have a husband who is well alive, Hale and hearty. But so many things have happened between, which I won't divulge into, which has rendered the supposed man of the house useless in every area. My dad used to be a responsible young man during his prime until two factors influenced and destroyed him. These two factors are; friends and women. There was this friend of his at that time (a man I really dislike, I don't want to say hate because that is a strong word, since I was 10). This man was the backbone of my dad's downfall from being a responsible person. He introduced him to drinking, lavish lifestyle, to maltreating his wife and children and eventually to womaniser of which my dad became better and famous than his teacher. As the devil will have his way, the first woman my dad would commit adultery with was a die hard lover and vowed to either have my dad or destroy his wife and children.

Well, so many things happened along the line, arrows were shot, sicknesses were inflicted, prayers were made, healing was secured, battles were won and my dad came back home. Till this present moment, I don't actually see the reason for the victory, seemed more like devil's handshake to me. Anyways, God be praised, we got our dad back! Then my mom built her house, we moved in and all was going well, or so I thought. Now, my dad could have built two or more mansions that beats our present home four times but he couldn't as all the money was been spent on drinks, enjoyment, women and friends. The more reason why I dislike that friend of my dad's is that, he is really a wise, cunning man. He told my dad to ensure that he maltreats his wife but he Pampers his own. He ensures the man doesn't own a bicycle Spock but he has three to four cars and buses and built several houses. Well, is he to be blamed? Do we not all have choices?

Police station, jail, death

You know when God loves you so much he finds a way to bring you back to himself. There was this incident that should have made my dad become a die hard Christian if not a pastor. He was having an affair with a certain woman at one time and this woman would keep him away from home for several days. One day, after having fun on the football field (if you know what I mean), they had logged out of the hotel room and had entered the car together and drove out of the hotel's compound. A little distance from the hotel street, the woman started behaving funny in the car. A few moments later, she started gasping for breath and was bringing out foam from her mouth. Before you could say 'Jesus is Lord', she had given up the ghost. You can imagine the shock, fear and dread in my dad's face. He tried what he could to bring her back to life but all to no avail. He then thought it wise to dump the woman's body but the roadside and flee for his life. That week at home was almost heaven on Earth for us as he become caring, a listening father and a supporting husband. We all thought the wind was over, unknown to us that a tornado was coming.

As early as 5 o'clock in the morning of this fateful day, my dad had dressed up and left the house. He only told his wife he was going for a job. Two days later, he was still nowhere to be found. Then on the third day or so, I had just returned from school and was just about going to my neighbors room to play when I saw his friend and two policemen coming towards me. Immediately the Friend saw me he shouted 'that's his son, that's his son'. I froze at first. I have never committed a crimes before, I guess my mum had done a good job in instilling in me the good social values needed to be a good child. But I had watched in movies the outcome of such shout. Nevertheless, I stood fixed to where I was, thinking of which move would give me quick deliverance. Was I going to employ Jackie Chan's move, Jet Li's or Naruto's power. The policemen walked up to me and asked in a firm voice 'where is your father'. I, with a shaking voice said he is not at home. They eventually left and after so many days of search, they apprehended him where he was hiding on my house site then. The case was tried and the family of the deceased woman wanted him to be sentenced to death or life imprisonment claiming he used her for rituals. Oh the efforts my mom put into the case to save her children's father. She spent a lot, knelt a lot, cried a lot and almost sold her properties. But as God would have it, someone in the police station said the case can't really go to court until they have provided the autopsy of the dead. The family gladly obliged and carried out the test. To their dismay, it was reported that she died of asthma and breathing complications. That was how God delivered my dad from imprisonment or death. One would have expected that my dad had learnt the lesson of his life and would turn a new leaf. He did for some weeks but then the dog returned back to his vomits as the Bible says it.

Jesus came, new life and death

Long story short, Jesus came into my family, turned everything for the best, turned my dad into a totally different man and gave him a new life and new personality. But all the years of drinking and wasting energy, strength and vitality on other women caught up with him. He first started complaining of pains in his arm, sleepless and headaches that lasted for 2 weeks. I wish I was a medical student, maybe I could have suspected it to be the sights of high blood pressure and treat him on time. But the symptoms subsided after 3 weeks that is after he rested for 1 full week without going to work. Then came this day they went for rally in his place of work. Meanwhile, he was having a misunderstanding with my mom and I was not happy with it. Of a truth, the was innocent of the fight but I guess we never totally saw him as changed person. So, there was grudges, not on his side cos his mind was free but on our side.

He had left home early that fateful and gone for the rally. He came back very late at night around 10 pm. This was the first time he would be coming home so late like that after so many months. We were all outside. I served him is food which he ate gladly and was even joking with me, but the grudge in my heart won't let me smile. We all later went inside to sleep. Around 12am, I started hearing some funny snoring coming from my parents room. I was angry and I knew exactly who used to snore in our house. I went to the room to tell him to adjust, but lo and behold, I found my dad twisted on the floor with veins popping hard on his neck regions. I shouted and alerted everyone. We tried waking him up but no success. My mom ran to the neighbors to get help. Before they could arrive, my dad had give up the ghost in my hands. I was so shocked and sad at the same time. Till the very last moment I saw in the morgue, all I was saying was 'dad please stand up, I need to talk to you'. At the burial site, I had to shout ' I am no longer angry please get up' as they lower his casket into the grave.

Even as I write now, I wish it was a dream so I can tell him I am sorry for holding grudges against him. Though he lived a rough life at the beginning but this I say of him that he lived a godly and wonderful life at the end.

Conclusion

Life is too short to hold grudges or keep malice with another person. Resolve all issues, if possible, immediately and find peace in yourself, who knows what's going to happen within the next few hours.

Footnote

This is a story composed by the imaginative faculty of my mind. Do well to tell of what you think of it in the comment section. Thanks. Also, don't forget to hit the 👍 button. See you soon