The expenses increased after getting admitted in the university. The pressure of school expenses on younger brothers is also on the father. I used to do five tuitions in the first year. I used to come to class all day and do tuition and enter the house at 10 pm and lie face down on the bed. My mom and dad still did not talk to me unnecessarily (I could not bring them anything good in the previous levels i.e. SSC and HSC so they have lost confidence in me in studies). Neither do I. All this burns the inside endlessly. This combustion can not be shown to anyone outside. You don't have to show up. There are no rules. I'm a terrible sentimental boy. The desire to commit suicide was always hidden inside the chest. But there was always something to think about.
“I don't want to see this life again! What will happen if you fail? I will walk on the streets. I will sleep on the sidewalk. It doesn't take more than two meals a day and one night's sleep to live life. I will get it right. I will take a look at life. I belong to this society! ”
When I was admitted, only two sirs used to teach in the department. Aminul Sir and Masood Sir. When I couldn't understand the reading or anything, I would run to Sir's room. Who thought me there is no time to care! Many of the classmates may think these are invisible! Think! What if sir's think something? What's in it for me? I have to fight in my war. If you want to know, you have to disturb your sir and gain the knowledge. Surprisingly, the teachers were very happy to explain. If he did not have time, he would help with the reference of the book. I used to study in seminars, I used to study in Central Library. Even then, if I didn't think it was enough, I would save money and buy a photocopy of the book. If I read an interesting topic in class, I would sometimes fall in the shuttle carriage. Can Anyone think? If you think I will be small!
The first year final came. Dengue fever came with it. Daddy Daddy! He is trembling! I used to try to suppress my shivering under the blanket. I would break my heart. Be the first? First I have to be. Otherwise, I will never stand infront of my mother and father again. Even then, sometimes my mind would break. As soon as it broke down, I would open Humayun Ahmed's book "Hotel Graver Inn" and "Life in Dunbar Hall".
No! Possible. Very possible. I have to be first. Probably the test lasted for two-three months. Twelve kg weight loss due to dengue fever and test pressure. I returned home skeletal from the hall.
Yes, I was first in first year. I was able to stand in front of my mother and father with a smile on my face in the next four times. SSC, HSC, I have finally been able to erase everything and bring smile in their face. I did it.
What if I committed suicide without getting a chance in a good college after SSC and could not bear the reprimands, sarcasm and insults of everyone? The thought of committing suicide by writing a letter, with a rope around your neck or eating poison is really quite romantic, it sounds amazing, doesn't it? But who gave you the courage to drown your mother in unbearable pain, guilt and guilt all your life? Your mother couldn't move or walk with you in her womb for ten months. Could not sleep in unbearable pain. I have heard that the pain of burning in a fire is much less than the pain you gave to your mother at birth. So much pain that you came into the world with your mother, that mother has pulled you to her chest with the most love and absolute affection. Even after you were born, you soaked your mother's lap, smelled the bed pillow and didn't let your mother sleep for many nights. Day and night, screaming and screaming. Oops! Your mother couldn't sleep for you for more than a thousand nights. Think once. More than a thousand nights! Even if that mother beats you all her life, even if she scolds you, you have nothing to do but laugh.
Your father What he haven't done, day and night for you! Alas! The day you become a father, you will understand. I pray that you can feel it before that. Dad is a man, so you can't show trouble. There are no rules. Father's sufferings are emotionally. He does so much for his family, he works so hard, but the pain of not getting it inside everyone, the dissatisfaction of not getting it, eats away the inside of the father. The man who is bothering you in the morning and at night for your laughter, has fed you half a hand size and made you so big, where is your objection to eat his rebuke? Even if I blame you unjustly for the rest of my life, you must understand that this rebuke is a rebuke of despair, a rebuke of helplessness. These you have to eat, you have to digest. You can't hug Dad, at least you have to smile in front of him.
Life in the world is hard. Life in the world is very difficult. Life in the world is very, very difficult. Put the word in your head. There will be no peace here. This is the exam, not paradise. What if you want to smile by giving an answer to a question here? It's not possible. You have to finish the whole exam well. Even if you have dengue, you have to break and give the exam or test, even if you have typhoid, you have to go down to the battlefield in the name of God. You have to face the exam. There is no benefit in getting success in one step. I say, write it down, there is no profit. There will be no peace.
He who has crores of moneys is not in peace. The one who got Golden A + in SSC, HSC has no peace. The one who has done top result in Honors , Masters is also not at peace. Everyone is in turmoil with the next step. He who is abroad cries day and night, and misses his friends. But, once he used to cry saying that he was not going abroad, he want to stay in the country. Whoever has a PhD, he runs behind the post dock. When the post is docked, the desire to do another post dock demands a little more money. There is no end to this race. Believe it . There is no end. If you can sleep happily because you can eat two handfuls, then it's peace. Then it's happiness. If you can live this life to make people laugh without living for yourself, if you can live the way the Creator says, be human to please Him, if He is happy with you, then everyone will be happy with you. Then you know, you are the one who succeeds.
Keep the definition of success in mind. Success is not the name of the game. The people of this world will keep asking for you. No matter what you do for them, no one will be happy. No one will ever call you successful. Then why do you listen to them? Why would the definition of success in your precious life define the people who run after the filth of this filthy society? Who are these? Where do you get in trouble? Why would you think of committing suicide? Why do you think you are useless, you think you have failed? The God who made you with so much love, gave you hands, feet, brain without asking, He loves you. He never called you a failure. He hasn't taken your exam paper yet. That means there is time. There is still time to succeed. That success, the definition of which is only the wisest, the one who loves you the most, the one who has the most hope in you, he can give. In the Holy Quran,it's written
"And those whose scales are heavy [with good deeds] - it is they who are the successful." [Surah Al-Muminoon: 102]
Only seek help from him, not from anyone else. Try to please Him, jump into good deeds for the people. If you have money in your pocket, that money will be your strength. If you have thirty taka in your pocket, then you are the only way for a poor person to eat one meal. Yes. You are. You cannot loss in the useless rules of society? You have to win against them. There are many. That's all you need to know. Read as much as you like. Just remember that degrees and marks are not the end of life. Degrees and marks can be saved. A lot can be done. The lives of the people around can be changed. The light of laughter can be spread. Never listen to people. People don't feed you rice twice a day, God feeds you. Live for the pleasure of that God. Live to make people smile.
Stand with your chest swollen in front of life. However, if you get upset, feel overwhelmed, open the Tripitaka or the Bible or the Gita or the Quran and sit down. Read. Do not see what God is saying to you? Know for yourself how much God loves you, in that love He has sent a garland of words for you to come out of this world. You will see the mind will be better.
Walk. Get yourself wet in the rain. Sit quietly alone on the river bank. Learn to see the night sky alone on the roof or in the field. Set aside a little time for yourself every day. It was too bad to cry. Cry no matter what. There is nothing to be ashamed of in tears. If you are a boy, hug your parents, brothers and sisters or close friends and if you are a girl, hug your parents, brothers and sisters or your dear girlfriend and cry. Nothing will happen.
Don't live the way everyone says. Be the best at what you like to do. Do that . Make your earnings in the right way it path. Even if it is ten taka, you will be satisfied with it. There will be joy. Money is nothing. Nothing. Being able to live for the pleasure of God, the smile inside one's chest, the smile of the loved ones around oneself is the real achievement.
I say, don't give up. And only two days left. Then you may die. Achieve the pleasure of God, by working hard for these two days, work for the people. Paradise will be yours. Success will be yours.
The last smile we will laugh while sitting together in paradise in Heaven. Look, we will win with the help of God.
I hope my dear @Omar and @ErdoganTalk will like my article.
I think bot understand that, this article is translated 😅