Thoughts of suicide

16th of January 2022

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Hello, read.cash peeps! I haven’t been active for quite some time, I’ve been busy with life, been trying a lot of things lately, searching for opportunities that will bring about betterment, been job hunting, attending interviews but in the end it’s all nothing but a waste of time. The interviewers basically have their number one person therefore the interviews are mostly about fulfilling the “interview righteousness”, after which they’d give the job to their next of kin while ignoring people with actual potential.

I’m beginning to see life as a total waste of time as well. I decided I had to take a break from read.cash for some time because I needed to clear my head, I needed time to make my priorities straight while also trying to put certain things in place. At this point, I’m beginning to see life as a meaningless construct, life has been frustrating me financially and I’ve been trying everything to make things work, unfortunately nothing has been working.

For the past few days, I’ve been considering giving up on life. Life is stressful, life is tiring, life isn’t worth it, life is a very bias construct where some people are destined to be winners while some “not so much”, and some absolute losers. I’d like to classify myself as the latter hence my decision to give up on life. In more precise terms- I’ve been considering suicide. Some may say suicide isn’t an option but what’s the point of living if things wouldn’t get better, what joy do I derive from being the same person everyday without an improvement in my lifestyle, what enjoyment is there in depending on others for a very basic need, and what pleasure is there in having your life in the hands of others hence being thrown around like they own you simply because they provide for your needs? I do not want to go into details, but long story short- life is a mess.

At this point, suicide feels like the next best thing- and there’s no stopping me because I already made up my mind, all factors have been considered, I wouldn’t be missed by anyone, if I were so important then they shouldn’t have to wait till I’m dead before care is shown. I’ve got a lot of peeps in high positions, yet they wouldn’t bother to do a little bit of assist, they may claim everyone is struggling and bla bla, but it’s all random excuses. Though I may agree that we all must struggle for ourselves at some point but when things aren’t working, frustration will have to set in at some point. Especially when you have someone in the family that has the capacity to assist you but chooses not to simply because he doesn’t want to, then such person shouldn’t be considered family. Those kinds of peeps wouldn’t care for you while you’re alive but would do everything within their power to give you a befitting burial. What’s so befitting about it when it’s not done from their heart but done in a bid to show off so outsiders and onlookers can think they’ve always cared from the beginning. Nothing but fake relatives everywhere.

As for the suicide part, I’ve thought about it very well and this is what I’m going to be doing- all thanks to my inability to swim, I’d jump into the nearest ocean and to oblivion I’d go. I don’t want to be found, I don’t want to be seen, I simply wanna go missing forever. After weeks and months of random searches by people that claim to care, they’d eventually give up and return to their normal lives like nothing happened- that’s how quickly the dead are forgotten. I simply want to leave this life of vanity, life of pain, life of suffering, and life of unending suffering.

Closing remark

Dear read.cash peeps- it’s been nice being on this platform, I met a lot of people and had fun while I was here, unfortunately we all have life problems we have to deal with, in my case financial oblivion. Transcendence calls upon me. A greater place without pain or suffering awaits me, we’d meet again in the afterlife. Goodbye!