Lonely days
Why do I always feel lonely? Why am I always left alone? I tried to get along with everyone I came across, but in the end, I am still lonely, why is my life this way? I never asked for this kind of life of feeling alone and not able to do anything about it, when I was a kid, loneliness was my only dwelling place, I find it hard to be around people, I never knew I will grow up with it, now I don’t need it anymore but loneliness don’t want to leave me.
Feels like sickness and it has just one cure, though the cure won’t fully cure it, at least it can look like it’s cured but it will still be inside me, I have met many girls in my days and still meeting some, we will get along for a while and they will stop giving me attention, I know the reason and it’s not their fault, I am the one that is broke (I don't have money), sometimes when they ask for my help on something (that is not too relevant, just like send me money for this or that) I will say I don't have and they will say it's fine, less than a week they will start giving me less attention and snubbing my messages, maybe they might think that I have the money and don't want to give them, but the truth it's that they always ask when I don't have any money with me, wrong timing, I know you might think that I am stingy, but I'm not, I give when I have and I won't downgrade myself by borrowing money to give to another person, I know what I can do and what I can't do for people.
It's kind of hard for me, being alone in my room, my head on my phone, no one to call, no one to chat with, my phone barely rings, and if it rings. It's either my Mom or my boss calling, or maybe sometimes my siblings or Dad (when they want to send me an errand via phone) I am kind of used to keeping things to myself because there's no one to talk to, a lot of thoughts in my head, some special people in my mind, but are they thinking about me too? No, they are just enjoying their time, while I am here doing the thinking alone, I'm slowly losing interest in people, one little excuse from them, I will cut them off, unknowing to them, because I don't want to think that I'm being patience on someone, while the truth is that, I'm actually wasting my time on them, I hate it when I realized that my time and efforts are being wasted, I might end up hating the person (which I don't normally do), I easily walk away, when I feel unwelcome because I don't want it to look like I am forcing myself on you, I rather live my days lonely than move around people that barely have time for me.
I know that someday, I will have most of the things I desired (if not all) and I know that the process might be slow but if I keep going, I will look back and see that the small steps that I took also counts, it will be a good motivation to keep going.
A Wiseman once said, even if you are crying, cry forward and don't go back, because if there was something in the back, you won't decided to go forward.
I still want to appreciate @kushyzee for introducing read.cash to me, not all angels live in heaven. Some stay in benin city,edo state, Nigeria, lol. I had a lot in my head that I needed to let out, I put most of them in my music lyrics, while the ones that couldn't fit in was in my head for a long period of time until I started letting it out here, before I use to call people (not people, just few girls) with my credit when I was bored, so I won't feel so alone. But right now, I rather use my money on data so I will be active on read and noise, than for me to call them and guess what? Ever since I stop calling first, I didn't even receive any call from them, well such is life though.
Another article done for the day.
19/11/2021
I actually find happiness from being alone, I'm at piece and I choose to be alone. Well, I sometimes feel lonely but only foe a short time. I don't want to stay bwing lonely coz it's really not cool