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Family entitlement in Africa

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Written by   168
7 months ago

This article is not about someone's family feeling entitled to their achievements, this article is about how some families feel when you decided to date from the family, which normally happens in my country, I think if some of us haven't encountered such family, we must have seen a friend encounter or it or heard of it somehow somewhere.

While reading @Kushyzee recent article about his family with his girlfriend, oops, I mean girl friend, she's a female and they are just friends, haha, while reading it I had a flashed back to last week when I went to fix the office generator, which also made me remember another one I read online few days before the week.

I don't know how it is in another country when a guy starts dating a girl but in mine, most of the ladies see it as an empowerment program, today is not for the ladies, but the family of these set of ladies, while I was waiting for my generator to be fixed, two friends (both male) were discussing their other friend, the way they were saying it like they have used kayamata (love poison) on the guy, cause they were both angry at the guy.

According to what I heard cause I wasn't paying attention at the beginning till they got to one part that made me start paying attention, according to them.

This particular guy has spent a lot of money on the girl, not just the girl but also in her family, the worst part is that when I say the family, I didn't mean the parents and siblings of the girl, but also the cousins, they will just call the guy and tell him that they need money, he will give them positive feedback, even if he's broke, he will look for money to send to them, he's land is there and he has to complete his building, the worst part is that he hadn't gotten married to the girl yet, they are already demanding a lot from him, what will now happen when he gets married to the girl?

There was a time one of the guys that were talking advised the friend that he's spending too much on his girlfriend's family and he hasn't married her yet, the guy went and tell the girl, lol, the other friend noticed that after he advised the guy, the girlfriend has been passing him without greeting him and also looking at him somehow, that's when he realized that the friend told the girl, he just laughed and pass, another day the friend went to meet this guy for advised, he told him everything and all the guy could say is yes, he just doesn't want to interfere in his love life or perhaps bondage life, cause that isn't love.

Some of these people think that they are in a good relationship until they lost their job and the lady will disappear, there's nothing you will tell them that will change their mind, they prefer to learn the hard way and later regret why they didn't listen to advice, I wanted to contribute to what they were saying, but, mhen, I thought about it again and decided not to, because they will want to know who asked for my opinion, lol.

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There was another one I saw online, the guy was searching for advice, the funny thing about these set of people is that they are not searching for advice, they are just looking for someone to tell them that they are doing the right thing by spending more money on the girl and this advice, they are looking for is mostly said by other girls that belong to the same league as the girlfriend, haha, birds of the same feather can't betray each other.

The guy said that his marriage is in two weeks and his family and the girl he's about to marry are not on good terms, I know some of us might be thinking that the family of the guy dislikes the girl because she eats the boyfriend money like free food, haha, but it's not that, what occurs is that this guy went and tell his family that he wants to get married to his girlfriend, first they wanted to disagree, but because the guy claimed he loved her, they all agree to follow him to the girl family.

When they got thereThe girl's family brought out a list, lol, I think this list of a thing is one of the reasons some guys don't want to get married cause, Omo, lol, when they brought the listen, the elders in the family, first told them that in order for him to marry the girl, their tradition demands that the mother should be married first, which means the girl's father has not yet married the mother, so he will have to pay for the expenses parents to marry, which be spent about 1.5 million naira (3k$).

This 3k$ dollar he spent for the girl's parents' wedding wasn't among the bride's price, it was like a giveaway, still, his family stood by him because that's what they promised him, after the girl's parents' marriage, three weeks to his weddings, they gave him a list, the list was so huge like, these people didn't even reason him like he's a human, the mother of the guy called the girl outside and told her (calmly) my daughter, why can't you guys just have a wedding with 200 guest at least, to lesser the bills in the wedding, since she's not going to contribute to it, the girl told the guy mother that she should not tell her how her wedding should be.

She said some offensive words to her, which made the mother go back into the house, took her bag and left, the higher elder the guy followed her to know what was wrong so she can calm her down, she told her what happened and the sister followed the mother, he got home and was told what happened between his mother and his girlfriend, the father told him that he should call his girlfriend to apologize to his mother which the girlfriend refuses, its two weeks to his wedding and the girlfriend hasn't apologized yet and his family has told him that they are no longer in support of the union.

When I read it, I was thinking that how can your girlfriend disrespect your mother and she still won't apologize because she stood by what she said, you are willing to marry her, is it because he has spent a lot of money on her that's why he doesn't want to let her go or something else is playing that is holding him, I will leave it for you guys to answer.

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16-06-2022

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Written by   168
7 months ago
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Comments

Jeeeez! This is my first time hearing about this and sounding weird! What on Earth would even make the man to agree to pay for the the girl's mother's marriage? This is juju!

The way I'm seeing myself eh, if I'm set to marry and I'm getting weird signals from my in-laws, I'll end it there.

$ 0.01
7 months ago

That's how it is, the entitlement they feel like the daughter is one of a kind female.

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7 months ago

Hmmm where should I even start from in this type of situation. I wouldn't said much because my voice sometimes becomes painful in some issues. But this is really madness.

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7 months ago

For real it, some marriages are still in debt because of this

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7 months ago

Ahhh,, if I happened to be the man sister I gonna pull the gf hair! How dare she to disrespect my mom! Ehh,,, reading you guys (nigerian) articles about gurls in your country makes me thinks its if you are a guy and broke..the you will remain single for the rest of your life... Ehhh with that demands...omg!

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7 months ago

💔😅 that's the sad truth, hardly for a girl to listen to a broke guy, that's why some young guys are into illegal stuff to make money so their messages won't be left unread

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7 months ago

😬😬😬😬 That's all I can say!

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7 months ago

Omo! Dem suppose beat these guys with 2by2, this one is no longer kayamata, they are just stupid abeg. Imagine that one sponsoring someone's else wedding because he wants to marry their daughter, no be madness be that? And then the mama come still chop insults on top all that spending and he still want to go ahead with the wedding, make dem just use that guy for money ritual, he is useless

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7 months ago

Swears, this is a big red light for the guy and he's still trying to act like he's not seeing it, until the red light hit ah for eye and blind him, that's when he go hear word.

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7 months ago

That's Africa believe, they feel men should be capable and sometimes families demanding is putting him into test, to see if you marry her daughter you will be a giver

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7 months ago

Swears, the worst part is that, after the marriage, the demands will be increased.

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7 months ago

hahaha it looks like the woman's family is treating the man as their wallet,lol 😆

$ 0.01
7 months ago

Actually, he's the wallet of the family, that's how it is when you decided to love a girl too much than than you love your health.

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7 months ago

hays that's sad to hear :(

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7 months ago

This is so wrong on so many levels. Imagine if she is taking advantage of the guy before marriage like this, what she could do after their wedding? major red flag

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7 months ago

My thought exactly, that means she will be in charge of his salary and she will use all the money to feed her family.

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7 months ago

This is particularly common in the eastern part of Nigeria. Their bride price is way too long. You would actually think they are selling off their daughter. I just pity those poor men.

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7 months ago

If I am to pay such an amount, that's automatically selling to me and she might not see her family till further notice 😅

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7 months ago

For spending money on him, I think. seems to have a conflict of interest

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7 months ago

So sad for him.

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7 months ago

Definitely my friend

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7 months ago