Young, Teen and Right Age

Hello everyone, I am new to this platform, I don't know how I can cope up to everyone here but I know I will enjoy this platform since I love writing, I love creating words of wisdom and words of my own experience and my story.

Let start my story when I was young, at the age of 5 years old, I was thought how to fight through the endless battle between my emotional pain and my physical strain. You know the thing is, I was right in front of the crime scene where I survived and my brother did not, I was the oldest yet I didn't do anything to protect my younger brother, that is the reason why until now I'm still fight for the endless battle of my emotional pain nag physical strain. I've been trying my best to show how sorry I was to my family yet they can't forgive me, and I know and I feel their thoughts that I should be the one who is being massacred that time. I was young yet I've been through a lot, I've been trying hard to survive and yes I do survive but not mentally, physically maybe, you can even envy me for how strong I was like a soldier but deep inside I was so broke to the point I'd given up. At the young age, my mother kept her distance away from me, I was begging for forgiveness, I was kneeling for almost a year to say sorry but no one responded, no one even giving me attention except for disgusting look they gave to me. I thought, no mother can endure her children but how could my mother makes my life miserable just because I did nothing as an older sister? Should someone like me, a 5 year old girl could do anything? Aren't they happy that I survive from that time? May be it ain't happen if they did not tolerate my uncle's doing, yes minna the one who did something like that was my own uncle, they knew that my uncle was snipping some drugs, I did said so, but they did not believe me, until they seen it in their own eyes yet they did nothing, I was so scared that time, even at the young age, I remember what he said to me "I will come back to you soon" this sentence gives me shiver down my spine. He was now in jail and I was in traumatizing stage but no one cares, no one even asks me how I was, no one even thought that I am the one who is still here, they only care for my little brother, they cried for every night and they blamed it to me. At the young age, I'd thought that if it was me whose gone may be they can easily forgive me, may be they also cry for me at least, or may be they'll care for me even just a short time.

At my teen age, I was a fighter, I fought to survive, I fought to tell them that I can do it own my own. They didn't even let me study, they did not support my study, they treat me like a maid although I was their own child, they even let their maid bully me, and the only people who keeps me and treat me as her own child is Manang Rosie, (I call her mamang) as short of a mother, she was giving me enough food so they can't treat me as bad as before. I work as a part timer in the fast food chain in the night and in the morning I was studying secretly, because if they know that I was studying, they will surely doubled my hard time. Mamang help me to study without worrying of my family to find it, and it makes my situation a little more easy, I was so thankful for her, and when I was in college, I still doing the part time and studying. Working in the morning and studying at night, and that's the time my other siblings finds out what I did and they told it to my parents, my mom burst out into anger while my dad stares dig a dagger throughout my soul. And they locked me in the warehouse, they locked me and they did not give me some foods for 4 consecutive days, I was begging just like when I was young, I asked for forgiveness just like when I was younger, I cried for forgiveness but they didn't even bulge, they didn't even hear me I guess. And that time I heard mamang pledge to my parents to not locked me anymore and give me some foods because if they continue to what their doing I might die, and then they unlocked the door and give me some foods and drinks. I ate like a maniac, I drink like it was my last drink, and my other siblings stares at me with disgust but I don't care, I only know that time that I was hungry and I need some strength to keep my life move forward. And so, mamang asked me to move from my parents house but I said I don't know where to go, that if I move from my parents how would I survive? But she smiled at me, the smile that could break my heart into pieces, I don't like to see her smile like that. I don't want to see how pity she was in my situation, and then, she said that I should go to her to their home, and I was shocked, I was so glad that she is willing to help me out even if cost something more big. She doesn't care, she just wanted to help me. And now, my teen was over, just like my miserable life's over on the hand of my parents.

At the right age, I graduated magna cum laude at the age of 24. Companies of this island even sent me some emails to work for them, they are willing to give me the salary that could satisfy me. You know, one thing I learnt from my experience and story of my life is that, no matter how hard your situation is, no matter how many people kept your life miserable, even your parents or siblings, just keep yourself move forward, prove to them that even they disgust your existence you can still survive. Hard time makes you became stronger more than anyone else, just focused to what you really want. You know, when I was young, when my brother died in my uncle's hand, i was focused to get some revenge, I even planned it haha, but when my parents treated me something like a dog and treated me like nothing, I'd give up for the revenge I only want to survive until they forgive me, but unfortunately they did not. Even I cried out loud for forgiveness, they will still not forgive me, and waiting for forgiveness from them makes myself being strong day after day. And now that I'm on my right age, I worked at xxxxxx company and I'm still with mamang house. Actually I bought a house for mamang so her family can stay there with me. I am happy now with them. I am so grateful that even what happened to me from my past mamang didn't leave me alone.

Thank you for reading my story everyone. I am so grateful to learn this platform from my friend milessa. I hope you keep yourself move forward no matter how hard your situation is, even if everyone is against to it, just keep going, prove them how wrong they are. Gambatte minna.