Forgive and Forget

Is it really okay to forgive and to forget? I've been heard countless of times the word of forget and forgive, but is it really that easy to do so as easy as it says? This question still stacked in my head; and my answer is Nah! Forgiving and forgetting will be unnatural especially if it caused you too much in life, you cannot easily forget, you cannot forget that person.

When I was young at the age of 5, I was begging for forgiveness for almost 15 years, I begged for my parents to something I did not even do; I don't know what to do that time, my uncle looked like a devil who can devour anything whomever he see. That time I was playing with my brother (Nicholai) is his name, he was 3 and 1/2 years old, I was 5, he was my little brother and I do love him, I love him more than my parents does.

Our parents were always busy to the business, business that my momma give to my father, they keep working day after day, they did not even asks me or my little brother if we're doing good or not. You see, I was so young yet, I know what is going on, I know how much they worked to give us a good life, but we didn't asked them that, we didn't even want to have a good house, good dress, and lot of money, we just want to have a mother and father who can hug us and give us a warm feelings that every children are asking for.

One time, my uncle Dan went to our house to stay for just a month, but he stays for almost half a year, and parents let him be, because he was my father's brother and I don't like him to be honest because his look doesn't give you a good vibes, and I told that to my mom but she didn't even listen to me, she just said that, I am being paranoid and I was too young to know anything, but I do know anything because I saw him snipping drugs, I do know that, and my uncle saw me, that is why he threatened me that if I say something to my parents he'll come back to me and it gives me shiver down my spine, remembering that sentence still gives me some goosebumps and it makes me feel uneasy; And oh yes, I did told to my parents what I saw but they didn't believe it, they just said that I am too young and everything I saw was not real. Why they just don't believe me? I was their child too, but they didn't even believe me, you know at the young age, I was thinking that " I am really my parents child or I was just an orphan that they adopt?

And around 3:36 am, August 3, 1999. I still remember that time, I still remember very clearly, this was the day where my uncle did something I cannot forget, something I don't know if I can forgive him for what he did to me and especially to my younger brother; I don't even know if I am willing to see him even its been 2 decades. Is it really okay to forgive and to forget? Maybe I can forgive but I cannot deny the fact that I cannot remember and I can forget what happened from the past, from what he did. I will choose to forgive him not because he deserve it but because for myself to move forward, to keep going from life. But one thing I learnt from my life experiences towards my uncle and to my parents is that no matter how much they hurt me real big time, I can still forgive them but it doesn't mean that they are still welcome to my life, I can forgive them but I won't let the past to repeat again, I may not be able to forget but I am willing to forgive to ease the pain that they cause, I just wanted to forget the pain and make a peace with it that is why I want to forgive them, I want to have a peace in my heart and in my mind. Just like what I said, I will forgive them even if they did not asks to, I will still forgive them not for their sake but for myself. And when the time comes that I and my uncle face each other again one day, I know I can be brave not to shiver and not to fear him just like what happened from the past.

I have so much more to tell a story to you guys about my life, I am willing to share my life story but I hope you have some learning from my story, you don't have to pity me nor to cry for me, I just want to share my story here so I can breath normally, I wanted to share my story to tell you that if you think to give up in life, never do that, never do something which you may regret later on. I am here, to tell many stories about myself so if you think to give up just think that there is still someone who did not given up even if cause her life. Gambatte minna. Thank you once again for reading my story,.