Is it really normal for couples to be fighting while planning for your wedding?

Last week, my fiancé and I had a fight to the point that we almost called off our wedding. So, what happened was, on that day, I have already contacted the wedding organizer and was about to set the date for our wedding. Unfortunately, the date that I was supposed to book was already taken. So that means, I cannot book that date anymore and it is kind of hard to move the dates around since on the same month, it'll be my cousin's graduation and I don't know exactly when it's going to be.

So, I consulted my fiancé about it and asked if I could just move it on an earlier date. And he said,

"Why not just have it on September instead? The plane tickets are cheaper on that month, too. So it'll be a great savings for us."

Looking back at what he said now, there was really nothing wrong with it. I should also hear out his suggestion but at that time, my evil side just overpowered me. And I started yelling at him.

"September? Why? Are we going to postpone it again? And then what? You're going to get my hopes up again like what happened 2 years ago?"

Back story: Two years ago, we were supposed to get married already but then, the pandemic happened so we don't have any choice but to just wait on it.

"No. But, think of it. It's a great savings for us. We could save $900." - him

"Are you really ready for this? Because to me, it seems like you aren't. Why keep postponing it when we can do it earlier? And what would I tell my family? That you have changed your mind again? I don't know anymore! Go just do the wedding yourself. Go ahead and do the planning yourself. I am tired. Just marry yourself. Or, we can just get married when I'm 50." -me

I don't know why I even said those words. Perhaps I really just got so frustrated because (1) I have already planned out everything (2) I have already told my family that we'll do it on July and now, he wants to move it to September (3) I am scared that maybe he'll keep doing it.

Our fight went on the whole day. He didn't call me when he was at work (totally different than how he used to). I didn't want to call him, too. But, I just can't resist it. I still tried to call him for a couple of times anyway but, he didn't answer. I slept early on that day since I didn't want to be awake and keep myself getting tempted on calling him. (Well, I guess that's one good thing about the fight - I was able to sleep early).

Morning came and I woke up. I called him out of habit and I almost forgot we were fighting and I wasn't supposed to call him. He answered. Thank God. But he told me he just accidentally answered it since he was playing on the laptop and clicked on the spacebar to let the character jump and it automatically answered the call. It was such a good timing.

So, we talked everything out. I decided to just do it on September to also make things easier for him. Also, July and August are such busy months - there are a lot of family events during those months. He told me he hasn't eaten nor drank the whole day and he was crying. It breaks my heart to see him cry.

It was all my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at him. I should've been more open to his suggestion since this isn't just "my" wedding - this is "our" wedding. I just got really frustrated at that time and I let my frustrations overpower me.

On that day, we were able to sort things out and we're all good now. We may fight through hell and back but we also get to solve problems easily but just being open to each other and talk about it calmly. I am so lucky to have a fiancé who puts up with me all the time but I should also start changing myself for the better. I should learn to control my temper and not have tantrums like a little kid whenever I can't get what I want.

I know, there will still be a lot of problems we will encounter together - more so when we are married. I still have a long way of learning ahead of me. But this time, I promise to listen more.

Lesson Learned

Be more open to suggestions. In a relationship, it should always be a teamwork - plan out on things together, solve problems together, and just do everything together. Also, choose to just be quiet when you're mad because you might say something you'll regret saying in the end.

Love lots,

Jane 🌻🌻