The beginning of March was another disaster for me. I lost my brother. I never talked much about this before because I was still thinking he was just buying something somewhere and just hasn't gone home yet. But, let's just accept the fact that he'll never be coming back anymore.

In this blog, I will be telling you everything that happened.

Get To Know My Brother

From the very beginning, my brother was a fighter. I guess, I could say, it was his 4th life.

First, when he was around 4 years old, he got admitted to the hospital (not sure exactly what caused it because I was still young at that time, too) and the doctor accidentally gave him the wrong dosage of the medicine. Instead of for kids, the doctor have him something for an adult. I was there. I saw how his body turned purple. I thought we'd lose him at that time. Before that, he can already start talking a little like, "milk" "bath time" "mama" "papa" and those basic words. But after what happened at the hospital, he can't talk anymore. All he could say was "ta-ta-ta-ta-ta"

Second, when he was around 6 or 7, he was really addicted to playing computer games same goes with my other brother (he's a little older, he was I guess around 10 years old at that time). We only had one computer back then so, the older brother gave candy to the younger brother. And he choked with the candy. My dad said that if he brought him to the hospital, he probably won't be able to make it because the hospital was a little far from our house. Luckily, one of my papa's customer arrived and he knew how to do first aid and he was able to save my brother.

Third was 3 years ago. He was admitted to the hospital because he was having trouble going poop. His blood pressure was getting too low and the oxygen level in his body was very low too. We thought we're going to lose him at that time because there was a time when his heartbeat was beating really slowly. But, he survived. And we are so thankful.

He has always been someone so special to me because whenever I'd ask him,

"Who's more beautiful - me or ate Lej (my sister)?"

He would always say I am more beautiful even if my sister would blackmail him that she won't give him biscuits. Haha :D

He is someone who I could easily call on to whenever I need something like - buying me some snacks, giving me water at my work station, gathering the clothes that were hung outside, turning on the water hose, giving me towel at the CR whenever I forget it, and a lot more!

He really have a special place in my heart. <3

Last Week of February

On the last week of February, he was already starting to complain that he is having a hard time breathing every time he walks up the stairs. We didn't really paid much attention to it because we thought it was just normal because that really happens when you go up stairs, right? Also, it was also hard for us to diagnose if it was already something serious or not because he cannot fully express himself. I could say he is autistic - he cannot express his feelings much and the way he talks, you'll really have a hard time understanding.

February 27, my papa is already starting to notice that his face got a little fat and his lips are getting pale but, he is still playing computer games so my papa thought he was okay. The next day, we decided to take him to the hospital to have a checkup. The nurse checked his vitals and told us that he have a very low oxygen level on his body and he needs to be sent to the emergency room.

2PM on that day, we went to the government hospital which is near our house and he was sent to the emergency room. They attached the oxygen hose to his nose but he still wasn't feeling okay. They checked his vitals again and then he had a swab test along with my other brother who was his watcher at the hospital.

We were waiting for them to give him medication to at least ease what he is feeling. He was saying that his stomach was acting weird and whenever we let him eat, he will just throw up right after.

There weren't any doctor who was doing the rounds so they just put him there for observation.

2:00AM of March 1

Around 8:00PM on Feb 28, they transferred my brother to the corona virus patients ward because they were saying that he was positive. I mean, how could he be? He never even goes out of the house. And what happened to him was the same thing that happened to him 3 years ago. I would never believe it was corona virus because my other brother was negative.

2:00AM of March 1, my other brother called my papa that they were putting cardiac monitor for my brother. He was saying that his pulse was really fast and his oxygen level is still very low. We couldn't do much about it. We cannot even go and rush to the hospital to see him because he is in the covid ward and it is not allowed.

5:00AM of March 1, my brother called again and said that they were already pumping my brother's oxygen and he is already unresponsive. I cried so much. We haven't even totally moved on to what happened to my mom yet and now my brother is fighting for his life again. We really can't do anything but cry and pray for the best.

Around 6AM, my other brother called again that my brother's heart already stopped twice and the doctor said that if will stop again for the third time, they won't be able to do anything about it anymore. He also said that another watcher is needed to replace him pumping the oxygen because his arms were already getting sore.

So, as the eldest, my papa sent me there first. I wanted so much to just go in there and see my brother but, that wasn't the hospital's process. You still need to wait and get tested before you can go in. I was there, sitting and waiting for the person who will do the test and I started feeling weird. My chest was feeling so tight, I was feeling so light-headed and dizzy and I was about to faint. So, I called my papa and he sent my sister instead.

While my sister was there, waiting. We received a phone call again that my brother passed away.

My world was suddenly broken like a glass just smashed by a hammer. I could feel it shatter everywhere. I cried there outside the hospital and I didn't even think about the people around me.

There were so many questions I asked God. So many "Why's" and "What wrong I have done?". What God's purpose is, I do not understand. But I know His plans are better than my plans. And I am trusting Him completely. Yes, it is very hard.

I never imagined our family to be broken so early like this. I still thought I would see my parents carry my children in the future. Then, we'll go travel to places together. But now, there are only 5 of us left at home. :(

His Burial

Since they said he was positive of the Corona Virus, they didn't allow us to have a funeral service anymore. On the afternoon of the same day, the LGU already buried him. We went there but, we were just far away because they're not letting us go near. I haven't even had a final viewing of him before he totally said goodbye.

But for my dad, he thought it was for the best because he said that if we had done the funeral service for several days, it'll just be too heavy for us and more nights that we'll be crying over it. He said, it was better because we will just keep on thinking that he was just there, buying something for us and he just hasn't gone home yet.

Final Thoughts

What happened to my family is really tragic. But, I know, I still have to be thankful because there are still others who suffered way more than us. We all will go through death because it really is inevitable. But, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to them yet. :( But, I am trusting God and His ways.

Let's keep on fighting on this life's battle as much as we can.

To my brother: I really miss you a lot. :(

Love lots,

Jane 🌻🌻