The super-person for BPD

Having a super person in your life, best friend, friend, special person... is something that happens to all human beings. It is common to have one or several people who fit this pattern: they are very trustworthy people whom you like to have in your life and even in the most difficult moments, you feel that they give light to your existence.

Personal relationships in BPD

To understand a little more about the super person for someone with BPD, I must clarify certain things about one of the symptoms of the diagnosis. People with BPD usually live unstable and very intense relationships and processes, where they change between idealization and devaluation towards the other person.

On several occasions I have already commented on my experiences as a person suffering from different pathologies, among them BPD: interpersonal relationships for me are quite complicated. The day to day is. For me it is very easy to guess that another person is rejecting or abandoning me at any moment or in any conversation.

I find it exhausting that I automatically always analyze the other person's facial expressions, words, messages, but this is a defense mechanism. This is not done consciously and I always try to rationalize, breathe, take a pause and go on. Sometimes I succeed, but many times I do not.

What is the super person? Emotional bonding.

People who have to live with BPD, constantly emotions are at the surface and that is why for someone to become that super person is that certain attachment is established with us.

Almost always that super person is the one that you fear that he/she abandons or rejects you. The fear of that person abandoning you is 10 times more intense than any other person abandoning you.

These super people consume much of your thoughts. You can create stories that do not exist with them.... sometimes you can even get angry about nonsense that didn't happen. It is worth noting that this has to do not only with love as a couple, your partner may be that person, but they are different things.

You idealize this super person and after a while you may devalue him or her. This happens because that person is not completely aware, nor does he/she have to be, of the role he/she plays in your life. When these expectations are not met is when the time comes for them to fall off the pedestal they are on.

Anyone can be a super person.

Anyone is susceptible to becoming the super person: a friend, a family member, a partner or even someone you met on social networks.

There is always a dependency towards a certain person and neither of us are aware of how much. To give you an example, some time ago I had an emotional issue of idealization with one of these super people for different reasons that are not relevant right now. I idealized so much that I reached a point that I panicked if this person made any gesture or little response to me.

Then everything passed, he explained to me that everything was fine, however all that was in my mind, because sometimes I need some gesture or approval of affection.

Sometimes when I don't get that approval or caring reaction from this super person, feelings of rejection and abandonment surface. I tend to protect myself by avoiding her, moving away or not talking to her for a few days or week, I feel that I am not rejected if I am the one who makes that decision.

But then comes a feeling of guilt also for having taken that attitude and I reproach myself, in the end I always end up asking for a thousand and one apologies, it is exhausting to live it, not only for me, I am aware that for that person too.

It is not healthy for anyone.

I am aware that this is one of the behaviors of people with BPD that are not healthy at all. And I can't avoid them, which makes it even worse.

Being aware is the worst because I enter into a mental struggle between the rational and the borderline.

The result of all this is that I can fall into a deep depression, lying in bed, days without eating or much worse, eating and having an eating disorder. I may have episodes of rage and appear to be insensitive. And this is when feelings of self-hatred and sensitivity to rejection come in, because it creates instability in your relationships. Usually no one understands why you feel this way and you are judged as exaggerated and dramatic.

The only thing I want is to love and be loved, especially by that person, but in general also by my loved ones. This is usually quite impossible due to the disorder, because no matter what that person does or says, my borderline part will always be on the lookout for the slightest hint that he or she is going to leave and I will act disproportionately to that.

Obviously for that super person it's not healthy either, because putting so many expectations on someone, without communicating them to them is not fair. And that's why removing them from your life is not good for me, nor for that person.

I can't blame the disorder for everything, nor me either. It is irrational thoughts that make me act this way, which for me are true. I know that when I act this way I make others suffer and I am suffering too. I struggle enormously both in therapy and with medication and I do my best. I do not act with malice or premeditation at all.

Forgiveness.

For all these reasons I ask for forgiveness to all the people who have been victims and have had to put up with all these behaviors from me. I am very grateful to the people who have tried to understand me and not to judge me and throw me into a cage of lions.

So, a thousand thanks to all those super people who have stayed by my side during all this time.