You Come First

How do you know when to let go? Do you know when it’s finally time to leave that relationship or friendship? How do you know when it’s time to either jump out of a ship or get in a new one?

At a point in my life I decided not to be in any sort of relationships, it wasn’t because I didn’t have lots of “toasters” (I’m a fine girl so I wasn’t lacking in that aspect 😃) neither was it because I was forced to. As I shared in my previous article, I’m a Choleric individual, setting goal and meeting them is my main motivation in my approach to life. If I’m committed to something, I’d definitely have a goal/target set for such things. Anyways my reason was because I wanted to do fine academically. My first semester results were out and in my own standards I did poorly, so I decided relationships for me was a distraction and it had to be paused. I communicated my stance to my then boyfriend and nipped it in the bud.

The Ship

After some years with of course a significant change in my academics I decided to enter the dating pool. There was this guy I met through a friend let’s call him J, who kept asking me out. After a couple of outings and conversations I decided to give it a try with him. I think it’s time to mention that my major love languages are spending quality time/attention and giving gifts. I found ways out of my busy schedule, (which was a mix of school activities plus church activities plus student union activities plus work/volunteering activities) to spend time with him. The only time I was to rest, I spent it with him which was more of a great sacrifice on my part. I bought him little gifts, (I’ve always hated hearing men complain about how their partners never got them gifts and it irks me, I make sure I get something for my partner from time to time no matter how little it is ) I wasn’t so rich but I tried my best. I’m not a kind of person who demands for stuff so I found it hard to ask him to give me money or other material things. He always called me proud because of that but I’m really not. I’m just someone who feels that whatever you want to do for your partner should come from your heart and not from a place of demand.

Disembarking

J never reciprocated any of my acts. In the early stages he acknowledged them and tried doing something special for me, but as time went on it was like he got disconnected. I know he had dreams he was chasing and he was always sad when he didn’t meet them, but that shouldn’t affect our relationship. The first red flag for me was when he couldn’t open up to me till I forced him to. It was so annoying, he’d be all sad and depressed but won’t want to share anything with me, instead he turned to drinks. He started caring less and less about me. I started feeling less of myself thinking I was the problem. I couldn’t complain because I wanted him back to normal, I tried talking to him and called for several interventions which didn’t work out. He started falling sick often with me having to sacrifice extra time to nurse him back to health. Eventually he traveled to be with his mum and there he got better but our relationship didn’t so I had to leave. I realized I couldn’t keep being the giver without receiving anything in return. My love tank was reading zero and he didn’t care enough to refill it and so I left. I left for me, as much as I want him to be happy, I need to be happy too. I said this to him, I know what love is don’t bullshit me.

Regrets?

I just have a few of them, I’m filled with more with gratitude. I regretted opening up my heart to such person, I also regretted wasting my efforts, time and money. I’m grateful for the experience though, because it has taught me to raise my standards higher, it opened my eyes to what to look out for before committing myself into any other relationship and lastly I’m grateful I wasn’t heartbroken but instead I had the strength to walk away.

Happy Ending

I’m with someone amazing, who loves me and I love him too, who treats me like an egg, who is my biggest hype-man, who encourages me to fly/soar higher and who isn’t afraid nor intimidated by my dreams. Let’s call him K, and maybe someday I’ll tell you all about K.